The Middle Side of Life

Sometimes, I forget how old I really am

2012-02-05T21:58:00.000-06:00

I know, you're only as old as you feel. Right now, I feel every bit of my age + Ron's age + my kids' ages. In other words, I feel ANCIENT! I've worked so hard this weekend. Ron was afraid I was going to give myself a coronary.

I picked up Keith's girlfriend, Lindsay, in the morning and she helped me for several hours and then Keith showed up about 2:00 PM to help, too. They were such big helps! Lindsay and I made several trips in and out with my craft cubes before Keith got there. He was a big help with the heavy shelves and helped me get them, plus the twin bed, taken over there. Amy came over with her truck to haul the bed, which was a big help, too. Keith and I moved in the oak book case and the desk I bought. Man, were they heavy!

Keith crashed after we got the shelves attached to the wall. They're not perfect (we're so "not" engineers or carpenters!), but it'll do for now. Ron's friend Chuck needs to help me get them attached correctly. I should say I "need" for Ron's friend Chuck to help me. Right now, they're not attached to any studs so there's nothing to really hold up any weight.

I planned to get my whole craft room moved this weekend, along with the rest of the kitchen, but that didn't happen. I got most of the craft room moved, bookshelves emptied, and part of the living room bookshelf emptied. I took over a bunch of stuff today and I have a full car to drop off in the morning.

I am tired. Bone tired. But, it will get done.

By the time weekend gets here, I should have most of the work completed (I hope!). I have my shoes boxed up and the knick-knacks from our room boxed up and ready to move. I have a box of pictures (family photos) boxed up and they're heavy, too (don't know what got into me). I have another big box packed (and can't remember what is in it - hahahaha!) and ready for the 'boys" to move it for me. I am going to move our hanging clothes and the kitchen stuff this week. My plan is to rest tomorrow, Tuesday, and Wednesday. I'll pick back up Thursday evening, Friday during the day, and then the rest of the stuff will happen on Saturday.

We should have only the two recliners, our dresser, end tables, 2 book cases, Ron's wheelchair, the television and stand, the two "cubes" that contain the movies and Isaiah's games. I have lots more than that of "small" stuff but I really don't want to think about it.

I want to pretend that it will go away and happen all on its own.

I can pretend.

And, she's off!

2012-02-01T21:00:00.000-06:00

Getting things started for moving, that is. I got the keys today and took a few boxes over. That kitchen is the stuff dreams are made of. Seriously, I have more cabinets and shelves and drawers in that kitchen than I've had in two or three kitchens combined. I put some stuff away today that's been in storage for over a year. I can have my MIXER out! Woot! I can actually use my appliances without having to try and decide where to move the stuff so I can use the appliance. I'm excited!

The lady on the other side is a single mom of an 11-year old. He helped me bring in some boxes tonight and that was very nice of me. He's a big boy - almost as big as I am. I'm sure the kids make fun of him because of his size so I made sure to tell him how much I appreciated his help. I didn't have any cash to give him but I said that I'd make sure that if he was around to help me next time, I'd have a few bucks for him. I'm sure he'll appreciate it. He rides Isaiah's bus and seems to think Isaiah's a cute kid. That's a vote in his favor for sure. :)

Looking forward to being totally moved. February 11th is when those I can round up will be here. Won't be many but they're prepared to get it done. I should have a lot done before then by going each night after work and working this weekend, too.

I think I'm going to be tired.

Found four great chairs that are dark wood like the table that I'm getting from Ron's ex-wife. They were nearly new and $50 each. Padded seat and high back - perfect for Ron.

The landlord is going to have to put in a tall toilet for Ron... He had a hard time getting up without my help. I asked him if he'd mind doing it and I'd pay for it. Gotta do what I need to do for the man to be able to function when I'm not home to help. I think he is a very nice landlord. We are blessed to have found it.

Until later...

ihs
Teresa

One purchase down

2012-01-25T22:43:00.001-06:00

Scored on a washer/dryer set that is less than five years old for $150 for the set (same set that I was two minutes late on the other day; she never showed up to pay for them). Just need to pick them up on Saturday and my wonderful SIL will be assisting in that. I'll be renting an appliance dolly to help.

Not even going to worry about anything else until we're in and settled. Rex and Amy are loaning us a bed so we're good on that count, too.

Now if I could just get the rest of my world to line up like it's supposed to, I'll call it good.

I better call it "good" anyway and get to bed.... Good Night!

ihs
Teresa

Up one, down one

2012-01-24T13:10:00.000-06:00

Eh - it's the story of how things go around here.

Right now, I'm having discussions with several medical suppliers (doctors, pathologists, labs, etc.) who seem to think that even though they came to the hospital to see Ron, they can bill me outside of what insurance pays (because they can) and force me to pay. Right now, I'm dealing with close to $1,000 (maybe more with the newest bill I just received) from providers who've said that we owe on top of what insurance has paid because that's how they do their billing.

Not fun... A couple are threatening collection. I'm not opposed to paying what we owe - I just don't think we owe these. When Ron was a patient at any Wichita hospital, we never, ever, EVER got a bill above and beyond what insurance paid (for any service provided or on behalf of the hospital). He starts going to Newton hospital and all I've done for months is fight charges.

It's getting old... Will sure put a big damper on things to try and work those into the budget. Not happening in January or February at all.

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Ron got a good report from Dr. A. yesterday. His potassium is finally back down to normal and we have avoided a hospital stay. Yay! Score one for him! He's lost well over 30 pounds since mid-December (and closer to 50 from early December when he was in for CHF). Dr. A. was very pleased and doesn't want to see him for three months. The home health nurse will continue to come 3x a week this week and next, then 2x week for a month, and then 1x week for a month. That's the most he's planned and may cut it down from there depending on how Ron does over the course of the next few weeks.

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Many years ago (I mean 30+), I worked for a company in NKC, MO with my former SIL. The company was relocating and had a contest for who could come up with the best moving slogan and poster. I'm no artist - I really can't draw at all. But, I can see (in my mind) what I want stuff to look like. My SIL could draw so I told her what I wanted and she drew the poster for me. I did the poem (it was cheesy but it was over 30+ ago so I can be forgiven). The theme was how everyone could help with the move.

Imagine a building at the top of the poster and another one at the bottom of the poster, then a winding road going from the first one to the other. Along the road, you have moving trucks, people carrying things, and animated equipment (servers, computers, desks, chairs, etc.) moving themselves to the new location. It loses some in translation, but it was really cute. And, I won. At the time, it was a whopping $5 prize (big bucks in 1979). The poem was something along the lines of "moving day is so much fun, we'll all help one by one. Count the days till moving day and ..." that's all I can remember. It had a calendar attached to it so the pages could be taken off each day.

Anyway, I had a dream a couple of nights ago about that poster, only instead of equipment and people lined up to move from building-to-building, it was people who'd pulled up in front of our 6-plex, they went in the front door, picked up something to load up, and out the slider to move to the new location. LOL - that would be so nice except I don't know that many people and last time I checked, my stuff hadn't grown arms and legs to move itself.

LOL - So if any of you know any way to animate furniture and boxes, let me know. I could use some magic here. hahaha!

ihs
Teresa

Two things...

2012-01-23T21:56:00.000-06:00

Ron's had his blood drawn three times last week and then again today. Potassium was still dangerously high on Friday (6.0) and that was after he'd been given two doses of the potassium-reducing resin drug. Today, it was FINALLY back down to normal! He's lost a few more pounds and his blood pressure is looking better. We are pleased and so was his doctor today.

Still haven't found any of the items I need except for a table. Our oldest daughter's mother (Ron's ex-wife) has a table in her basement that we can have. It's got some scratches but will look fine with a table cloth on it. LOL - I just need to get a table cloth! I think I'll check with the Agape Resource Center in Newton and see if I can trade them this Walmart table and 4 chairs (worth about $50) for 4 chairs that are sturdier than the Walmart chairs. Only problem is their hours... I'm not sure they're open the hours that would benefit me but I'll try.

I had my eye on a Kenmore washer and dryer for $150 but I was literally two minutes too late to purchase it. Same for a dining room set (oak pedestal table/6 chairs). Oh well... no biggie.

Next...

I came across a Facebook posting for help in raising items (beanies, bags, hats, etc.) for small cancer patients. You can read about the project here.

I don't sew, crochet, or knit - but I do sell Thirty-One Gifts as an Independent Consultant. I will donate 50% of my profit for every Cinch-Sac ordered (item 3039; note that Paparazzi Dots and Camo will not be available after January 31st, 2012 but there are new patterns coming out February 1, 2012) and for every Thermal Tote (zip-it or cinch-it) ordered (they are currently on sale until January 31). The Web site will change on February 1, 2012 to show the new Spring items. You can order directly from http://www.mythirtyone.com/teresawilliams56 or by sending me an email at teresawilliams56@cox.net.

One of my cousins died from leukemia when she was four years old so I have a personal reason for wanting to donate. I will make this promise for every cinch-sack and thermal tote sold via this post from now until March 1, 2012. Please note in the “specal instructions” or in email to me that you ordered through Project 16.

If you'd like to order something for this project (or if you knit/crochet and want to donate hats - go to the project site), just let me know. I will post how many of the fund-raising items I've sold and the $$ amount of my donation.

Guess that was more than two things. LOL!

ihs
Teresa

Lazy Saturday

2012-01-21T10:52:00.001-06:00

Having a bit of a lazy day (so far) today. I have a box of stuff to send my DIL for the kids (winter clothes) and since the USPS is raising rates effective tomorrow, I bet it gets sent via UPS instead. Looks like a trip out to the nearest UPS store is in my future. I'm trying to get some of the boxes of "stuff" taken care of.

I was going to work in our little shed today but it's too darn cold out there. Brrrrr! Maybe later.

Do any of you watch HGTV shows? The one I'm thinking of in particular is My First Home (or something like that). It chronicles the steps couples take trying to purchase their first home. They have a "vision" of how a particular room in their new home will look once they get all moved in. HGTV ends up taking care of that vision and giving the room of their dreams. LOL - I need an HGTV moment. My vision is going into my new rental and finding the missing furniture that I don't have (washer/dryer, table/chairs, etc.) and a bedroom that's fully functional for Ron and I. Not going to happen and I'm well aware of it but... when facing taking care of this daunting task pretty much on my own, it doesn't hurt to have little mini-daydreams.

My son-in-law says to not stress; it will get all taken care of. He says that we can make multiple trips with his pick-up and trailer (he's got a small trailer he built) and if we don't have bad weather, that's great. If we do, then we will have a problem. Renting a covered truck is out of the question right now. I can't expect people to work in bad weather. Kris, Stacey, Rex, Amy, and Keith will be bearing the brunt of the carrying; I'm sure that Lindsay will come with Keith and I know that she'll help but she's a little bitty thing so I don't know how strong she is, either. I'll work as hard as I can but I can't do a lot of heavy lifting.

Poor Ron - he started crying the other night and I felt so sorry for him. He said it just breaks his heart that all of this pressure of the move is on my shoulders and he knows he's not even strong enough to hold Anna. The only thing he'll be able to do is stay out of the way. He said it hurst so bad that I have to be the "man" in all of the household stuff. I don't want to rely too much on Rex and Amy (they do have a life they need to live) and Rex is such a generous person that he says he doesn't mind. Amy doesn't want the rest of the kids to think that just because we're in the same town that Rex is going to be the "do-all" for us, and we don't either. It is hard because Aaron isn't capable due to disabilities, Shaun is in WA and obviously not available, Tim - well, he's just Tim and never puts out effort for anyone, and the others live 45+ miles away. So, when we have an emergency or an immediate need, Rex gets stuck being the son called.

I don't want to put all of that on him, either. Moving to the cheaper place will free up some resources so I can rely on taking my car in for repairs or whatever needs to be done. It's just getting there that's going to be the problem.

I know, I'm just rambling. Sometmes it helps to do that. It gets the stuff out of my mind and helps me start with a clear plan. I have a free table (going to look at it today) we can use and I've got 4 chairs that will work. Ron can't use any of them because they're not sturdy enough for him. There's also a queen bed and frame available to us if I think it will work. Going to look at it, too. I wish I knew the room measurement so I'd know exactly what would fit and what won't. We will probably miss our king bed but I really don't think there's room for it and two nightstands. We need those because we each use ours. Ron HAS to have his for the lamp, his bi-pap, and it's where he keeps his socket socks. For him, it's a mini-dresser. I use mine for the lamp and my nighttime stuff - and the telephone. If I needed to, I would give mine up. I wouldn't like it, but I would live with it.

If the free things work out, I'll be able to buy a washer/dryer sooner and then work on saving money to buy the sofa from Stacey. Her husband wants $400 and we have to pay for it completely before we take it. That's OK - they need the $$ to be able to replace it. It just might be a while. Rex is trying to find us another lift chair for Ron. I know how much they cost new and they're out of the question; I bought the first one used and it lasted a year. I'm afraid of having the same problem. But I know that Ron really needs one. What a Catch-22 situation! This is where my HGTV vision would come in very handy! hahahahaha!

Guess my lazy day needs to come to an end.

You all have a blessed weekend. Thanks for letting me rant. If you've read this far, please join me in welcoming my newest follower, Vicki. We work at the same place and she's one of the sweetest people you'll ever meet. She's let me vent via IM many times and always has an encouraging word for me. Thanks, Vicki.

ihs...
Teresa

Moving date and such

2012-01-19T16:10:00.000-06:00

Moving date is "officially" February 11 because that's when I can get the most help. That's fine with me because it gives me more time to go back in and clean up where we are vacating. And, I don't have to worry about getting "everything" because I can come back. In fact, I'm actually going to get possession as early as February 1 (if I want it, but it's a matter of money) so I'll probably see if I can take possession on the 6th.

I have never moved anywhere this quickly before. I don't have boxes. I don't have any "plans" made up. No lists. No "gotta do this" things written down. I'm flying by the seat of my pants. So new for me. LOL!

Ron's doctor had the nurse draw blood again last night. His BUN is very wacky but the potassium is starting to come down a bit. I got to work from home today because we were expecting to hear from the doctor's office. He's feeling better today than he was yesterday, so that's good. Lots of people are praying for him and we're grateful.

Our friend, Chuck, offered us a queen bed (mattress only) and I think I found a frame with captain's drawers and a headboard with storage (which we need for Ron's bi-pap machine) for $400. She'll hold it until we move and I think I can squeeze out enough money from my paycheck and Ron's retirement check to buy it. If not, then we'll figure something else out. Chuck can bring us the mattress any time and we can put it on the floor. Ron can't get up off the floor, but he could use the twin bed until we can get the rest of the bed.

Next on the list is a washer and dryer. I can live without one, but hauling clothes out in the winter would not be fun. There are plenty of used ones on Craigslist so I'm confident that by March I'll be able to swing a set. After that, we have a small matter of seating. LOL - as in "none" except for Ron's recliner and my recliner. Our oldest daughter has a sofa that we can buy (it was new in August for $800) for $400 and she will let me put it in "lay-away" at her house. So, by the end of April or March, we should have a bed, sofa, and washer/dryer. LOL - I can always hope!

And, how has your week been going???

ihs
Teresa

It's official...

2012-01-17T21:18:00.000-06:00

Looks like moving day is sometime between Feb 1 and Feb 18, 2012. Never thought we'd be moving this soon (it's been 10 months) but so very grateful that we've found something that we can afford, even if Ron has to go into assisted living, or worse. I paid the $450 deposit today (my sister called me up and volunteered to give me a short-term loan - 2 weeks - so I didn't lose this opportunity) and gave our 30-day notice to the Villa. I happened to see Brenda, the sales manager, this afternoon while we were at lunch and she agreed that it was a very good move for us. She said that we aren't the only ones in this predicament with insurance and medical expenses.

I took some pictures with my cell phone and they turned out OK but not the best. I also didn't think of it in time to really plan the pictures. But, here they are. I'll take better pictures next time I'm inside.

Front. The side door goes into a one-car garage.

Back. The white fence divides the two yards.

Kitchen (from the dining room) - on the side of the fridge that you can't see is another set of cabinets, lower and upper, with counter space. You can kind of see where Amy is standing at the end of the kitchen that leads to the mudroom/laundry area. There's a cabinet right by her and then a broom closet.

The living room from the corner of the kitchen and dining room.

This may be the master bedroom; they look a lot alike and are close to the same in size.

The 2nd bedroom

This is coming into the mudroom/laundry from the garage. The door you can see in reflected in the mirror goes into the garage. Directly across from there is the door into the 3/4 bath. The empty space is the washer/dryer area and then the sink is what "should" be in the bathroom but the bathroom is too small to hold a shower + toilet + sink. The cabinet you can barely see is a broom closet and it's next Amy in the Kitchen photo.

Ron and Rex met up with the landlord yesterday and Mr. John said he thought we'd be great tenants. He's going to add rails in the main bathroom to make it easier for Ron. It's already got a raised toilet so that's a good thing.

We're excited.

On the other side - we got a call from Ron's kidney doctor today. His potassium is up (6) and his creatinin is up. The doctor discontinued the new blood pressure medicine and the potassium medicine and changed his Lasix dosage. We could be headed to the hospital in kidney failure. Blood work will be repeated in one week and the nurse will be receiving new orders from the doctor to check Ron's blood pressure standing and sitting. Right now, Ron's barely "voiding" during the day and nothing at night. He's drinking the amount of fluids he's supposed to be and we're watching his foods. He actually is eating very little. He's down to 254 pounds fully dressed, including "leg" and brace. He weighed 295 in the hospital without his leg or brace. That's a lot of fluid to lose in a little over a month.

We're not so excited about that turn of events.

Ron's dream

2012-01-15T19:15:00.001-06:00

Ron had this dream last night and it was so vivid that it woke him about 6:00 AM this morning. It's not often that he remembers his dreams, but this one he did. I wonder if any of you ever have dreams that you analyze and what you think of this one.

Ron said,
I was lying on the bed with plates of food being placed on my (down my chest), and putting money down as well to keep it for them and they’d come back later and get it.

Then, I was going somewhere and ended up in a country or city I didn’t recognize; didn’t know where I was. There were a lot of people walking around; I kept asking where I was and they didn’t answer or they didn’t know. I had money in my wallet but it was odd denominations ($25 bill; $35 bill) that I wanted to change to the local currency; I wanted to call you (Teresa) and tell you where I was. I wanted you to help me figure out how to get home

When I picked up my cell phone and looked at the screen, it showed low battery and SEL. I finally found someone in a building that had a lot of different doors in it. I came to an area that looked like an information center. Went to the counter and asked the man if he could exchange my cash for something that would work there. He asked for my ID and when I showed him my driver's license – punched some information into a machine and it came back with Ron Williams had been killed.

I was startled and said “what?” he said “it says here that Ron Williams has been killed. And then, I woke up.
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To top that off, today during a television show we were watching, the preacher (a Christian rabbi) talked about dreams. He said to not try to immediately figure out what the dream meant. He said to (instead) write it down and try to figure the meaning later after you've had a chance to think about it.

Ron and I talked about it today and part of what we've come up with is that we've got a lot on our plate and no matter what we do, we've not had the correct amount of money for the task at hand. We know that we're not going to Washington so I know the money has nothing to do with that.

I did come across a cheaper place to live yesterday that we're going to look into. This is on the same street as Amy and Rex (at the other end; they're in the 700 block and this is in the 500 block) and is the smaller half of a two-unit building (a duplex). It has been available before and I asked Rex if he knew what they rented for. He said he'd heard they rented for close to $1,000 per month. That was not a good number so I shelved it. It's available again and I called on it yesterday. It's only $675 per month! $450 deposit and one year lease agreement. It has two bedrooms and 1 3/4 bathrooms (the 3/4 bath is tiny - but it is an extra toilet and shower!). The kitchen is totally awesome and is something out of a magazine (the owner is a cabinet builder so it's truly custom!). The main bathroom is very big and Ron can get in and out of it easier than the tiny bathroom we have now. The main thing we'd lose by leaving the Villa is .... well, I can't really find much that we'd lose. Our current rent is $1630 per month (it goes down to $1330 in May) so we'd save a minimum of $655 per month (counting from May forward; March and April it would be nearly $1,000 savings).

The owner pays water and takes care of all outside work - mowing, snow removal, etc. He put in a water softener and takes care of the salt for it because he wants a certain grade salt. He's a bit particular but also very nice. I think he'd make sure the repairs that might need to happen actually happen.

I was upfront with him and how we got to where we are and said I'd never stiffed anyone in my life. He wants the whole $450 right away; I have $150 and told him I could give him the other in two weeks. He wasn't thrilled but said he'd see. He's got one other person interested and the first person who gives him the money will get the duplex. So... holding my breath to see if I can come up with the $450 first. LOL!

I don't know what the dream had to do with the conversation we had regarding moving, but Ron knows that if something happens to him I have 30 days to move. Not many places around for $675 that are this clean and convenient. He honestly thinks that we need to go ahead and get our assets (such as they are) separated and to look into him moving into the assisted living side of things. I don't think he needs assisted living. I'm not sure what he needs but I don't think that he's at that stage yet.

If we can get this duplex we'd be moving about the time that we would have gone to WA. Amy had said that she had a very strong feeling that I was not supposed to go to WA then. So, what to do, what to do...

Any thoughts?

I'm really not wishy-washy...

2012-01-13T22:22:00.000-06:00

There are people who, in their well-meaning ways, say things that are actually hurtful. It’s not my nature to get offended as much as just hurt that they think this way (and, for the record – I’m not talking about anyone HERE in my blogosphere world). This is an actual IRL friend of the family. He really does have Ron’s best interests in mind (worried about his overall health and all that) and worried that if anything happened to Ron that I’d be homeless. He knows that I’m not old enough to live at the Villa on my own. He doesn’t believe that me working extra hours at a different job or trying to put together the money for the trip would be in Ron’s best interests (or even my own). He knows that it’s not the thought of the work that is daunting because I’m not a quitter (and he also knows that I’m not looking for a handout; I’m truly looking for a way to pay for it myself and make it something that Ron would enjoy). He thinks that the trip would take too big of a toll on Ron and if I came up with the money to go, I should put it elsewhere.

Maybe he’s right. Maybe he’s not. I don’t guess that I’ll ever really find out because the likelihood of me putting the money together is somewhere between “nil” and “non-existent.” In fact, I emailed Shaun and Jenny today and told them that I believe it is out of the realm of what I’m capable of doing. When Ron went into the hospital again the first part of December, it reinforced to me just how fragile his overall health is. We can “think” that he’s better (and he really is) but taking the risk that he’ll come home as healthy as he left home is very much an issue. The thing that more hurt my feelings more than anything though was the “so what, I want to go to Paris but I can’t” attitude that our friend has. Going to Paris or any other country is so totally out of comparison that I really didn’t even know what to say (besides, money is not something that prevents him from doing anything that he wants to do) . That’s like comparing apples to oranges. Yes, they’re both round, fruit, and good for you but that’s about the end of what can be compared. This trip does not belong in the same category.

I could try to do the Tiger Cruise from San Diego to WA, but I’m not sure there is enough time to plan that (saving money for one airline ticket – coach – is much different than for two – business class) and get the paperwork taken care of. And, who would make sure that Ron was OK?

Taking Ron on a long trip is probably not in his best interests right now, no matter how much we want to pretend that he can handle it. On top of that, if he’s gone “out of town” on a pleasure trip, then Medicare will quit sending the visiting nurse (he comes 3x week) to check on him because he would not be considered a shut-in. Right now, our doctor is having Charles (the nurse) come and feels that is one thing that is helping to keep him well enough and still on the road to recovery – and out of the hospital.

Right now, though… I’m struggling with the whole pity party thing… I know that sacrificing for those we love is a good thing and I’m not mad at anyone that I have to. Just disappointed that the choices in my life have come to this. LOL – I gave him my computer, gave him my tablet, and now I’m canceling a great vacation for him, too. (I’m sure that sounds perfectly terrible of me to say and I don’t mean for it to, but if that’s how it comes across – oh well. That’s life in the fast lane!)

OK - all that said... here's the facts... I don't have to LIKE them, I just learn to LIVE with them. Ron knows that he can't make the trip and he doesn't want to restrict me - BUT, big but here... he also doesn't think that he can make it here on his own without me. He gets lonely when I'm just gone an extended amount of time in the day. If I save my money, I can look forward to taking a long weekend and going to see them after the new baby is born.

I can dream all I want that things would be different but that won't change the facts. This is my life. It's not always fun and I resent the h-e-l-l out of things sometimes. But, I'm honest about it. I'm no angel and I'm no martyr, either. I hate having to give up things. I guess that's because I'm just a measly human with human failings.

Still… ihs
Teresa

Today is a wonderful day!

2012-01-12T13:24:00.000-06:00

Isaiah is officially Rex's son and has a new name to boot...

Isaiah Nicholas

He picked his middle name for his mom (her middle name is Nicole).

ihs
Teresa

Just $1...

2012-01-11T10:42:00.001-06:00

Preface and update: What touches my heart may not touch yours. What I choose to contribute to, you may not. I would rather donate to people than to organizations (unless I know that I know that I know the money I donate goes to what it's supposed to go to). I might get scammed every once in a while but if "I" pass on the opportunity to reach out a helping hand, and keep my pittance in my pocket, then where does that leave me? With a buck or two still in my pocket, but no peace over having done what I could. I'm a giver by nature. In the past I've given away my winter coat (more than once), the gloves off my hands (more than once), all of the food in my pantry and my freezer (yeah... more than once), and the last dollar in my wallet. I've been blessed way beyond what those small sacrifices cost. I would rather take the risk that someone might not be exactly truthful than to be the person who could have (and should have) reached out and didn't.

The story you're about to read is true and has been verified. The lady in the story is not asking for help; in fact, she is not the person who is spearheading the effort in place. She is a new independent consultant for Thirty-One Gifts and her story was told in a short video shared with other consultants.

A story was recently shared with me that touched my heart…

A young lady, a single mother of a small child, recently moved back into her childhood home to help her father. He had been going through a rather rough patch, a nasty divorce, and she wanted to be there for him. She is trying to go to school and take care of herself and her daughter – and to provide a better life and education for her daughter. She has looked back on the decisions she has made and realized that she could have made better choices if she’d had better education and choices. She wants to provide that for her daughter.

During the course of all of this, her father found out the house is possibly going into foreclosure. This would make this whole family homeless and many people are touched by her story. Very few of us are in the position to do anything independently and alone, but together we can move mountains.

There are hundreds and hundreds, probably thousands, of people who are being told her story and many of those people are sending her small amounts of cash – as little as $1 – to help her keep a roof over her head and that of her father and daughter.

I don’t have a lot of extra right now, but I do have a $5 bill in my wallet that is going out in today’s mail. If you’re interested in donating any money to her, or just sending her a note of encouragement, let me know and I’ll email you her address. If you’d like to share her story on your blog, just let me know. You can have your followers email me for her address. I don’t want to just put her address out there for just anyone to have so I won’t share her address with people that you (my followers) wouldn’t recommend.

Thanks!

ihs
Teresa

New pictures

2012-01-10T11:30:00.000-06:00

I've been a bit remiss in adding pictures to my blog. We've really enjoyed being able to watch as Anna changes (it's a daily thing!) and Isaiah has been having fun with my phone camera. He's got his own camera but no one knows where it is, so he takes my phone and takes pictures. Lots of pictures. Thankfully, I can delete more than I keep.

The mother of Amy's SIL gave her this outfit for Anna. It's adorable and I just had to have a picture of her wearing it.

For Christmas, I'd gotten Anna a K-State tutu and she wore it the other night (when K-State lost in the Cottonbowl, but we won't talk about THAT fiasco!).

This past weekend, we went to KCMO to visit my mom. She's in a rehabilitation center and hadn't been doing too well so I wanted to take Ron up to see her. (She seems to be much better, so that is a relief.) I was wearing my new(ish) glasses and since I don't have any prescription sunglasses, I put my regular sunglasses over these. Looking stylish, eh??? (Just love taking self-photos. NOT! I don't know how people manage to look cute when they're taking their own picture. I certainly don't!)

It actually didn't work out very well. I need to order sunglasses since I have lost my last prescription sunglasses. But, Coastal Contacts has great prices on all of their stuff. A lot of times you can get your first pair free (just pay for extras and shipping/handling). In fact, my glasses cost $15.89 total - including shipping. And. they're very cute!

Still thinking about how I can get to WA with Ron. Had a nice talk with my DIL yesterday and we each shared some concerns - me about how she's worrying too much about how Ron gets around, her about how she's worried he'll fall down the stairs, etc. Not sure we reached an agreement but we're trying to work it out.

Better get... break-time is over!

ihs
Teresa

People, just people

2012-01-09T06:00:00.010-06:00

I like the Ellen show but don't really get to watch it because I work during the day. But, I frequently will check her Web site to see who was on or who is going to be on so I can decide if I'm going to record it for later. One day I discovered that she had posted who you'd like to meet. I didn't fill it out but it did get me to thinking.

Who would I like to meet if there was no barrier to doing so…..

Most people would probably put Ellen thinking that sucking up would make them be chosen. It might – but I really think she was looking for honest answers, not suck-up answers. I’d like to meet her but I wouldn’t say so just to get on her show. I’d like to meet her but because I think she’s a genuine person and she interests me.

I’d like to meet people who Ron used to know in his “former” life – Sinbad, John McBride – for reasons that I’ve posted before.

I’d like to meet some people who I think are truly great in their industries (and some who are up there and I’m surprised by it) to ask what was the launching point in their careers, even though they may have had challenges along the way. (I don’t necessarily like “how” some operate but would like to know what made them operate in this way.)
If there were no obstacles, I'd like to meet some of these people (listed in no particular order):
Martha Stewart, Donald Trump, Linda Lael Miller (she has a lot of mistakes in her books), Laura Bush, Barbara Bush, Michelle Obama, Oprah, Sarah Ferguson, Sylvia, The Oak Ridge Boys (I've actually met them but not really "met" them), The Statlers, Gary Morris (he's got the most amazing voice - where did he disappear to???), Michelle Duggar, Tanya Tucker, Loretta Lynn, probably more people but my mind is not functioning the best right now, and friends I’ve met through blogging, and just plain ole’ everyday average people who have carved a successful niche…

Deceased people – Eugenia Price, Corrie Ten Boom, Elvis (eh, maybe), Laura Ingalls Wilder, Bing Crosby, Bob Hope (people who could make you laugh without using profanity or vulgarity).

Not that I'd ever be able to meet any of the folks I've mentioned (the living ones - LOL!). There may be a chance that I'd meet some of my blogger friends. That would be truly cool. And, remarkable!

Faith?

2012-01-08T21:26:00.000-06:00

When I lost my hearing (in 2000), I was devastated. It was unexpected and no one could really tell me how and why it happened. I have never been told why it might have happened except there is a genetic tendency in my family for hearing loss. My mom has lost the hearing in her left ear, one of my brothers lost his hearing in his left ear, my youngest sister has decreased hearing in her right ear, and I'm totally deaf in my right ear. Of the four of us, my brother and my sister each had tumors - although different types - but my mom and I just woke up deaf for no apparent reason.

I did the whole faith thing, praying and attended healing services. I believed - and still believe in miracles. I believe in unexplainable healing. I believed (and still believe) that God could reach down and totally restore my hearing and restore the restored balance nerve.

I never wavered. I didn't pray for it every day; I didn't go to every healing prayer service that people told me about. I knew that I knew that I knew... it would happen IF it was to happen and would happen when HE was ready for it.

So, is it "faith" if someone chooses to use medical intervention for healing? God can do miraculous healing ~or~ He can give humans the opportunity to use the knowledge HE has given to them to perform healing from a different direction.

I believe the path I took to have hearing restored is no less miraculous than if I'd had the instant, no explanation available, healing.

Looks like the ship return is a no-go

2012-01-08T19:31:00.000-06:00

Such a shame... Ron was really looking forward to it. He's decided that he's not able to get around Shaun and Jenny's 2-story house. The bedrooms are upstairs, as is the bathroom/shower. There is a 1/2 bath downstairs but it's not really handicap accessible. He would have to sleep on the sofa or in the recliner (which is not that big of a deal but not great) and he could get into the bathroom, it would not be easy.

Going up and down the stairs 2-3 times a day are just more than he can muster. There's no way I can afford the airline tickets, a rental car, and seven nights in a hotel (we're looking at around $2,000 for all that - give or take and I've got nothing of value I could sell or trade). If it was just me, I could sleep on the sofa or get an air mattress. I have no mobility problems. But, I've seen his ship return and he has not. I won't go without him because that would be unfair. Shaun is going to be very disappointed that we're not coming but I told him to not blame Jenny for it. Shaun really wanted to show Ron around the base. He is very proud of his accomplishments and wanted his dad to see that part of his life. Ron wants to see it.

He had about decided that if we couldn't afford a hotel, he didn't want to go. It was a pretty easy decision for him to make once he found out that Jenny would prefer we not come if he's not able to get around the house easily and she didn't want the added stress. I understand her concerns (to a point; he's MY concern - not hers) but I have to admit that there seems to be some underlying issues I'm not aware of or she wouldn't be putting so many stumbling blocks in our way.

You'd think she'd be on-board with the kids seeing their grandparents and Ron experiencing the ship return. I thought it was something to be excited about.

That's what I get for thinking.

Hello 2012!

2012-01-01T19:03:00.000-06:00

When I was doing my post last night, I did neglect to mention some very, VERY positive things about 2011. They are ALL OF YOU! I didn't neglect you on purpose. I am so blessed to have you all as my online (and some in person) friends. You have listened to me vent, rant, and rave. You may have {gently} smacked my hands (in the virtual sense) and helped to get me back on track. I thank you for that.

I thank you for always being there, no matter what time of day or night - through thick and thin - on holidays, weekdays, weekends, etc. - to read my jabber and offer support, sympathy, encouragement, advice, and virtual hugs. I value each and every one of you and I know the year would have been even harder to get through if I had not had this outlet.

Thank you, thank you, thank you!!!!!

Farewell 2011; hello 2012

2011-12-31T23:12:00.002-06:00

It's been real... It's been fun (some)... But, it's not been real fun!

2012 has GOT to be better!

Looking back... the good times:

The birth of Anna tops the list
Moving closer to Amy/Rex/Isaiah (and now, Anna)
Keith and his new girlfriend, Lindsay
Ron getting more mobile since he had his knee replaced
We didn't end 2011 with Ron in the hospital

The not-so-good times:

Ron didn't recover as well (or as quickly) from the knee replacement
Ron had a pretty rough year (which meant that I did as well)
Work was very difficult this past year
Losing our house, our car, our credit
Moving to 900 square feet - and only 1 bathroom
We ended 2010 with Ron in the hospital

In looking back at my posts for 2011, I don't see too much that I'm proud of. I posted a lot of misery and discontent. I'm sure that things must have been better. Right? LOL! I think that I did a pretty good job keeping it all together, especially considering the fact that the first six months was really rough at work, Ron was in the hospital more than once (that's not new for this year but did add to the stress), we lost our house and had to move to a much (much) smaller place. Those were all things that could have really made me rethink my sanity. The issue with my former manager really got to me and I got to the point where I continually doubted myself and my work. Once you're in that position, it's hard to rebound and get back on track. I think I have done that. We have a new manager and I think that has helped tremendously. I still second-guess myself more than I probably should, but I've never oozed confidence in the first place.

My goal for 2012 is to maintain a more positive outlook on life (gotta improve on 2011 no matter how I look at it). I plan on getting back into a healthier lifestyle and shedding some extra baggage. I am starting a new side business (I know - some of you are wondering how I'll have the time.; this will be part of what I do to help have a healthier lifestyle). I am going to focus on the "good" things more.

I'm looking forward to going to WA to see Shaun and Jenny's kiddos (my WA grandchildren) for my vacation this spring. That will put a lift to my 2012, for sure! I sure miss seeing them and interacting with them. (Sometimes I feel guilty getting to spend so much time with Isaiah/Anna when Alexander/Kaitlyn/Zachary miss out on the same opportunities, but it can't be helped.)

Many blessings to you all! I read a great quote in an email my mom sent me. I don't remember the whole story but one thing that stuck out was the phrase, "I pray you enough." In the email, it stood for "enough good times" to sustain the other person. For me, I like the good times, but it's also short for I pray you enough health, wealth, happiness, and blessings."

God bless...

Irony, really

2011-12-30T12:56:00.002-06:00

I have a Samsung Galaxy 10.1” tablet that was Keith’s. He owed me some money and offered his tablet up in trade. I accepted and I have loved the freedom it gave me, especially at the hospital when Ron was in surgery, recovery, or just plain sleeping. Much easier to carry around than my laptop and I was able to install the Nook app to read my books. Great concept. Because I had something that was so light and easy, I have read several books since Keith gave it to me. I also use(d) it to access Facebook and my email. Love it. I even bought myself a pink case for it.

Ron thought it was pretty cool and wanted to know if I would install his Nook library on it so he could read the Bible. The only problem with doing that is User 1 (me) and User 2 (Ron) have separate accounts. He has things that he likes to read on his account and I have things that I like to read on my account. In order for us to use the same device, we’d be logging in and out. That’s fine for me but Ron can barely remember how to turn on a device, let alone find the login screen each time. In order to make it work, I would basically just log out, log him in and give him the tablet. It would be a pain in the rear to have to do it all the time.

So, I was being selfish (because I didn’t want to have to do that all the time) and bought Ron an eReader for Christmas. It was $100 – Velocity Cruz – and worth about what it costs. I figure if people expect Samsung or Apple performance, they should expect to pay for something that performs along those lines. I didn’t want to spend in excess of $200 to get something else and thought the Cruz would work. It had decent reviews. Most of the people who had never used a tablet before thought it was pretty slick. The negative reviews came from people who were used to Galaxy or iPad performance. I figured it was worth a shot. Boy, was I wrong. I had to reset it to factory defaults twice and download a new version of the firmware before I could get it to even access the Internet. Luckily, I had read this little tidbit on a review so knew that I would probably have to update the firmware. No problem there – and then I could get it to work pretty easily.

Strike #1 – it won’t let me download the Nook application. No matter what Web site I come at it, the app just won’t download. Says it “will be downloaded” but it never happens. Strike #2 – the touch sensitivity won’t recognize Ron’s touch. He doesn’t have a lot of dexterity in his hands and he’s very “choppy” when he tries to access the buttons so about 75% of the time nothing happens. Strike #3 – since it is 7” (and not 10.1” like the Galaxy), he can’t hit the buttons in the virtual QWERTY keypad so typing in his user ID and password at any given time is not going to happen.

Summary… the Cruz is going back to the store this weekend.

The irony? A couple of years ago (after his health had “apparently” stabilized), I was going to go back to school. I bought myself a pink Dell laptop with the 10-key keypad, and extended battery, and lighted keys for when I was working in the dark. Last year, the laptop Isaiah had been using bit the dust (it was an older one that Shaun bought me in 2003). Ron was using a laptop that had originally belonged to Amy (it was also fairly old – just not as old as the first one). We passed that one down to Isaiah and I ordered Ron a new laptop… 17” with a 10-key keypad but no lighted keys and no extended battery. He was obsessed with my lighted keyboard so one day I just said I’d switch with him. No big deal. Except it took me HOURS to get all of my files off the pink laptop and onto the black laptop. Each laptop still has the original setup information in it (thinks the pink one is still mine; black one is still his) and I couldn’t figure it out. Literally within 30 minutes of me finishing the switch, Ron was saying the speakers in the black laptop were better and since I was deaf in one ear I didn’t need better speakers. :::::::::::::::::::::::::::screech:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: Did he just imply what I think he is implying??? He wants the BLACK laptop NOW??? Sorry buster – it’s not happening. You bitched and moaned about the pink laptop for days (basically from the time I got it a year earlier) and how you really needed the lighted keys and now that you have it, you want the better speakers?????? I was seriously ticked off. I didn’t switch it back and he’s learned to live with the speakers it came with. It helps that I bought him a new speaker for it. (LOL!)

I decided to return the Cruz and give him the Galaxy. I don’t have to be selfish and keep my Nook library on there. I can read from my phone if I’m away from my laptop, or read from my laptop. I can get myself another tablet sometime in the future when there is more money to spare. Maybe by then I’ll be able to spring for something that actually acts like a Galaxy or an iPad. Might even be another Galaxy or an iPad (my secret desire – lol!)

Now he has two PINK items. LOL!

Happy New Year's to you all!

Merry Christmas!

2011-12-26T00:26:00.000-06:00

It has been a very blessed day! Our holiday weekend started Friday as my company gave us Friday and Monday off for the holiday, plus I also took my last 8 hours of vacation time so I'll be off Tuesday, too. We met Amy and the kids and Keith/Lindsay in Wichita for lunch then I let Keith keep my van (his car needs a new alternator) and Amy brought us home. Keith came to town (hehehe! our little town) yesterday and is spending the weekend with us.

We had a lazy morning while I fixed the pumpkin bread and pumpkin pie (nothing from scratch - truly a lazy morning) and then I took the food and the rest of the presents over to Amy/Rex's house. We left here to go over there about noon. I regifted Keith and Lindsay a table-top water fountain that is in the shape of a heart; I'd received it at our Dirty Santa exchange at work and knew it would be perfect for them. She loved it. I also gave her a tote bag from Thirty-One Gifts (I'm going to become an independent consultant for them soon) and a ribbon necklace. Keith also got $20 and a $15 gift card (regifted - I won it in a door prize drawing). He was happy. I pretty much stayed in my $20 per person limit and was able to get them more than one item. Not bad...

I got Amy one of the ribbon necklaces (they were $4 each at the craft show I went to last month; I actually got one for all of the girls) and 1/2 half of a set of Wolfgang Puck Salt/Pepper mill (it was a set of 2 for $24.95; we kept one for ourselves) and a set of storage containers (they're really cool). Rex got K-State shot glasses, coffee cup, playing cards, and key chain. They were both happy. Amy loves the storage dishes. I had ordered enough that each family would get a set (they were on an infomercial and actually something that looked like it would work) but only half of the order showed up. So, we got some, Amy got a set, and Jenny got a set. Keith and Stacey didn't get theirs.

I got the box for Shaun/Jenny and kids sent off last week and she picked it up from UPS on Friday. The kids loved the presents that were in there. I took pictures of the items before I wrapped them.

The big thing I did for Katy was to take a Thirty-One tote and make it into a baby bed/carrier for her. I had her name embroidered on it and she can use it for many things as she gets older. I got the doll and accessories, then some diapers from Anna (that she'd already outgrown), and had a blanket made for her with her name embroidered on it. I think it turned out adorably.

Before I wrapped it up, I also put a "baby" in the baby doll's arms and the pacifier in her mouth. It was stinkin cute. I liked it so much that I made smaller versions for the daughters of a friend. LOL - they ended up costing a bit more than I planned, but it was all worth it because the girls loved them. I bought three dolls off eBay (one was new and two were used). Oh welll... you only go round once in life and it was important to me to do this for them so they'd have a keepsake. Plus, I did it in stages so it didn't seem like I was spending that much money until I sat down and added it up. LOL ! I was surprised.

These are the rest of Katy's presents. She's got a white cat "ears" and paws" set, socks, jammies, her blanket, a 2nd tote (smaller than the first but I got it on-sale), and some of the doll accessories (I actually gave the bowl/spoon to one of the other girls).

Close-up of her "paws" and "ears" that I got from Jenny over at Knees and Paws:

Alexander's (some of his went directly to WA):

His ears and paws are wrapped up in the paper behind the Hot Wheels cars. He's got a camo tote (like Katy's small one) He has a really nice easel/wipe off board already at his house.

Zachary's presents. I had him a "taggie" blanket made. The camera I found used and it's just perfect for Zachary. Jenny got the two older ones "kiddie" cameras so I decided that Zachary needed one, too. The jammies I got Black Friday; the race track at Wal-greens on sale.

He had quite a bit delivered to his house directly, too - including a couple of big ride-on toys. Grandma found some really good deals on Kitsap Military Online page and was able to score some great gifts (gently used) and had them delivered directly to Jenny.

A couple of Anna's things. Her basket is full of clothes and has her blanket that I had made for her. The little "bee" in back is a V-tech toy that I got from the Kitsap page and Jenny shipped it to me. The little white thing is a soft lamb - the head at one end and the feet at the other, with the middle being like a "taggie" blanket.

I didn't get any pictures of Isaiah's things before he unwrapped them, but here are a couple of pictures from him opening things.

Did I mention that he loves K-State - so he LOVED his hat! He about didn't want to take it off. I got him some miniature skate boards, a Cars race track, the hat, some jammies, a Mario shirt, a fake Transformer (Wal-greens), and a little remote control car. And... his "big" gift was a Spy Net wrist watch. He can take pictures, video, and it really tells time. He thought it was super cool.

It was great watching them open their presents. Well, Amy opened Anna's but it was all good. I got her a K-State tutu and wrapped it for Rex to open instead. LOL! It looks better on Anna.

I took some pictures of Isaiah and Anna and some of Keith holding Anna.

Jenny's mom and dad sent us a lovely tea set (cups and coasters). They're too pretty to even use! The box they came in is a gift all by itself.

They also sent us a Visa gift card (for $150!!!). Jenny sent us a gift card as well from her and Shaun for another $150 - so, all I need to do is come up with about another $400 or so to purchase our tickets to go see them after Shaun's ship returns from deployment (I've seen Shaun's homecoming each time; Ron has never been and this will be the last deployment for the next several years and I really want Ron to go). We got a pound of Sees candy and Ron got a pound of sugar-free peanut brittle from Sees. Jenny also sent me some scrapbook supplies. Very great gifts!

Rex and Amy gave Ron some nice Dead Sea Salts hand lotion. His hands are really dry and it will work great for him. They had originally bought my mom some K-cups for her Keurig but she got so much from other people already, and she's on a liquid restriction, they gave them to me. Cool... Amy also bought some of the moisturizing cream that I use, so that was nice. Only thing is I have a nearly full container so it'll be sealed up for a while. It's good stuff though.

Keith is pretty broke right now but he gave us $50 last week for something else and said that was our Christmas. Sweet...

Ron wanted me to get an OnStar FMV mirror. It would be something that I'd use and might come in handy, especially considering my commute. It's about $250. I wasn't willing to spend $250 on myself when we're pretty much looking at increased medical expenses starting 1/1/12 and I just spent $324 in car repairs last week. I decided that I wanted to get him a little eReader with a touch screen and found one yesterday at Radio Shack for $100. Ron's birthday is 1/8 so I decided that I'd get the eReader and a leather case - and call it Merry Christmas/Happy Birthday. I knew that he'd be sad that he didn't have anything for me but it was important to me for him to have that.

All in all, it was a great holiday.

I hope your holiday was at least as, if not more, happy and blessed as mine!

It's been almost a week...

2011-12-20T21:41:00.000-06:00

And I have been busy AND in avoidance mode. I'm just not in the mood to deal with much of anything. But... I do have good news -

Two little words with such BIG meaning! Not CANCER! Cirrhosis – yes; Portal hypertension – yes; Enlarged spleen - yes; Cancer – NO!

We can handle it. Ron will be seeing another specialist on February 6. I figure since the appointment is so far out and the doctor didn’t see a need to squeeze him in sooner, then this condition is not any more life-threatening than what he’s currently facing. What a BIG sigh of relief!

It has been an emotional roller coaster. I’m not sure if people think I’m nutty or not – and frankly, I really don’t give a rat’s ass what people think – but my way of dealing with what may be coming down the pike is to look at everything from every angle I can possibly think of. I analyze and then analyze again. And, just for good measure, I rethink it a few more times. I have to run the “numbers” in every way possible so I don’t overlook anything that I could have done or done differently. It helps me keep my sanity (wait… I know – I have to have sanity before I can keep it, but I can pretend that I have sanity, right? Hehe!).

Ron's dealing with some depression right now and it's making things difficult for me. He is really starting to "feel" all of the things wrong with him. He's had a pretty good outlook (for the most part) over the past several years but being sick wears on you. Add being "chronically" sick with no real hope for improvement to that and it's no wonder he's having some depression. Problem with HIS depression is that I'm gaining weight because I'm a stress eater. He won't eat and all I can think about is food. {sigh} Such a double-edged sword.

Ron has been concerned that he's not done enough the past four years. I told him that he has been busy concentrating on staying alive. I told him that God didn't call us to be perfect - that job was already taken by Someone else. Our job is to do the best that we can and we have done our best - as much as our human bodies and failings will allow - then we have done what was expected of us.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Moving on…

I’m as ready for Christmas as I figure I’m going to be. I had big plans for cards this year. Didn’t happen. I did manage to send a card to my WA grandkids and managed to get the cards I sold made, but that is all. I have all most of the pieces cut for the Santa panorama card but I’ve not had time to put them together. I think I’ll be able to get one done each night and get it in the mail the next day. I have gift cards I should have bought and have not yet. I have children recipients that I don’t want to disappoint. I need to get busy. It's not going to happen.

I think I can be ready for Christmas if it happened about a week later.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

As for me, I'm just not in the mood this year. I think I'm tired. There has been one thing after another for the past four years and it's enough to try the patience of a saint - and I'm far from being a saint. I need to pull my big girl britches up a notch or two and keep on moving forward. Things WILL get better. I just need to keep on keepin' on. I need to keep the faith that all things work together. God never said it would be easy - just that He would never abandon me. Even in my darkest hours, I have to hold on to that truth.

Found out that Ron's chair can't be fixed. That sucks big time. We don't really have the money to replace the chair. So, he's having some difficulty getting out of the regular recliners. I ended up bringing the Jazzy back into the living room so he could sit in it some. So, we're back to square one on trying to find a lift chair for Ron.

And now, we wait...

2011-12-14T13:29:00.000-06:00

Ron had the abdominal/pelvic CT scan this morning. Results should be sent to the doctor within 2-3 business days but no later than 12/20.

Neither of us are worried. Ron's a bit stressed, but that's understandable. We're just not focusing on the negatives. Either way, we feel like we've been given a gift. Good news means we can breathe a {BIG} sigh of relief, not-so-good news means that we can effectively plan for the future. How many people really get to plan how they want their remaining days to be covered? I'm not being morbid or negative. It is what it is and we can't change that, but we will be able to make rational decisions based on "it" instead of wondering.

Naturally, Ron is more stressed than I am and anxious to find out what is going on in his body. I just want to make sure that we (I) do all that can be done to get the best outcome possible.

The doctor's office will call me as soon as they have the test results.

On edge this week...

2011-12-12T09:58:00.000-06:00

Ron is not feeling too great today. Not bad - just not good. He's feeling sad for what he's done to "me" and the changes that are about to take place. More on that later...

We had a nice weekend with our friends. It didn't start out too great but it ended nicely.

Ron had a couple of appointments in the morning and the original plan was to hit the road after his second one (noon, in Wichita). Ron fell (again) the day before and his new knee was very painful so we needed him to have an x-ray before we could decide if it was OK for him to travel or not. So, while he was seeing Dr. A anyway, we asked if they would take some x-rays of his knee to make sure that everything still looked good. The appointment took even longer than I had anticipated so we ended up having to cancel the second appointment because we couldn't get to Wichita before noon.

I finally got things packed and the car loaded by about 12:30 (a bit behind my original goal but not too bad). I needed to get my oil changed but couldn't find anyplace to get it done. Down the road we go and still needed to get some lunch. Finally, after a stop at Sonic we're ready to hit the road. Time now... 1:30 but that's OK - no biggie. I knew we'd get there a bit after dark but still a comfortable drive.

Fast forward two hours and Ron is teasing me about when was I going to have a bathroom stop. All of a sudden, I had this totally sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. I had packed our toiletry bag and left the whole thing on the stove. Sick, sick, sick. If it was just my medicine, I could go a couple of days without it but I knew that Ron could not go two days without his, especially since he takes so many different things. So, we turned around and headed home. I called Amy and even though she had to wait until Isaiah's bus dropped him off, she said she could pick up the bag and drive to meet us. She ended up saving us about an hour, so that did help. If I had been forced to go all the way home, I would have just stayed there and started out Saturday morning instead.

We ended up arriving at our destination at 10:00 PM instead of the planned 5:30 or 6:00 PM. All we did was fall into bed. Ron drove about three hours, so that did help (he drove back from where we turned around and back again toward our destination). Our friends were late getting there, too so it was a comedy of errors all around.

Saturday, we spent some time walking around the outlet mall. I bought a new wallet (mine was shot) and got Anna a cute little Santa hat and bib. We finally met up with our friends in time to grab lunch before we headed to see The Miracle of Christmas (free tickets, compliments of our friends' friend). We were going to drive around and look at the "festival of lights" but instead of being a "per car" charge (like we'd been told), it was a "per person" charge and was $10 EACH!. We decided that $40 to drive through 2.5 miles of lights just wasn't a good idea. Too much money. It might have been different if the money was going to charity, but it was not. Even then, I'm not sure that we would have wanted to pay $20 per couple to see light displays when we had been planning on paying $7.50 per couple (we were told it was $15 per car). Oh well... no problem.

We headed back home yesterday afternoon and got here about 5:30 PM. It was a nice, relaxing weekend after all and one that we needed.

Our lives are fixing to take a change and one that we're not sure about.

In Dr. A's office, he brought up the results from the hospital tests - the CT of his chest and the echocardiogram. He said the echo looked pretty good and there were no surprises. The CT showed a portion of his liver and Dr. A was concerned about it. He wasn't Ron's doctor last year when he was hospitalized with the increased aluminum (December 2010 hospitalization) and it's not something that I thought about when Ron changed primary care physicians. I don't know how much the liver disease has increased, but Dr. A is concerned.

He told Ron that his chest CT showed cirrhosis in his liver and he wants him to have further testing. He's scheduled Wednesday for an abdominal and pelvic CT with IV and barium. Ron doesn't drink and has never had more than the occasional (very few and far between) beer, so he asked Dr. A what could cause the cirrhosis. Dr. A said there were several things, including medications and liver cancer. I looked online to see what else I could find (I didn't want any surprises) and discovered quite a bit that I'm not too thrilled about.

Ron has several symptoms of cirrhosis that I would not have connected if Dr. A hadn't brought it to my attention. Bruising, fatigue, and loss of appetite are things that he's been dealing with for the past few months and although they could mean nothing, they can also mean the cirrhosis has progressed beyond "mild" and is now more severe. Dr. A says the test results will be back by the 20th and he'll know more then.

Until then, I think we're going to be on pins and needles. We've talked a little about it and Ron says that he doesn't think he wants to take any treatment. It might extend his life but he's not sure he can handle being so sick from the drugs used in the treatment.

For me, I'm just going to do what I can to make life a comfortable for him as possible.

Ron's home

2011-12-07T21:40:00.000-06:00

He was discharged this afternoon. Official diagnosis is heart failure. He's feeling pretty good - not great, but pretty good. Got started on some new medications - another blood pressure pill, lasix, and a potassium pill. We'll have to discuss these with the kidney doctor because we don't want the combination of those to adversely affect his kidneys.

Tomorrow we're back to our regular routine. Thanks for all the prayers, thoughts, comments, and well wishes. I appreciate it.

Energizer bunny or Timex watch?

2011-12-05T22:14:00.000-06:00

Energizer bunny keeps on going and going and going... A Timex watch takes a licking and keeps on ticking.

I feel a special kinship with each of these icons.

I'm right there with them. One step forward and two steps back.

Ron is back in the hospital. Could be a blood clot in his lung, could be some mild heart attack issues, could be some mild strokes going on, could be just plain ol' congestive heart failure. Could be a combination of any of the above. Any of them could cause the Parkinson's symptoms to be worse or the Parkinson's could be causing one of his other issues to be worse.

Any way you look at it, it's not a good thing. He just can't catch a break and because he can't, it seems that I can't either.

At what point is it just too much? At what point do I say my body cannot do this any more? At what point do I say that my mind can't keep up with the demands that life continues to throw at me? At what point do I say that we have no choice but to seriously consider assisted living?

I don't know the answer. I'm not sure I want to know the answer. I always land on my feet, but at what cost?

My kids seem to think that I'll be able to afford care for Ron and my other expenses if we choose assisted living but they don't really see the big picture. Even if I don't lose money through taking time off without pay, I don't believe I clear enough to pay the expenses but I'll do my best. I have started over before, from scratch and with nothing, and I suppose I can do so again.

Whatever the cost, I'll do what I have to do.

And the winner is...

2011-11-30T20:45:00.000-06:00

I couldn't decide what to title this. I had so many ideas, including these...

"I'll take 2 ribs for $200, Alex."
"That'll be 2 ribs... Not McRibs."

Yep... he's got two broken ribs. Not feeling too great today.

My mom's in the hospital in KC. She's got nearly carbon copies of the same diseases that Ron has, except she still has both of her feet/legs and she's 81. She's more frail because of her age. Her visiting nurse insisted today that she go so my SIL took her. She didn't want to be admitted but she's there to get some fluid drained off. She's got so much fluid that it's formed blisters on her feet and legs. Ron's been down that road.

Speaking of Ron...
Back in the day when Ron was much younger, he knew a bunch of people who are now famous and successful people in the entertainment industry. One is Sinbad (he got his start in Wichita through a TV station where Ron was part-owner) and another is Martina McBride's husband, John. Martina (with George Strait) is coming to Wichita in February and Ron really wanted to go to the concert. I think he was hoping that somehow he'd be able to see John again and say hello. I've been watching Select-a-Seat and, so far, the tickets are not available there. But, another retailer has them (GetTickets.com or something like that) already and I got all excited thinking about surprising him for Christmas/birthday. We don't really do much for each other for Christmas - usually go shopping together and just pick something out. But I was going to see what I could come up with on the tickets.

No way, No day!!! The cheapest tickets are $90 EACH and that doesn't guarantee anything but a seat. I can't specify handicap accessible or wheelchair access. The "better seats" are well over $100 each. I'm sure he'll get over it but at those prices, there's no way he will be going to see the show.

He fell again today - but he's OK.

2011-11-29T21:22:00.000-06:00

Landed on his right shoulder, with his arm tucked up under his rib cage. Said he heard a crunching noise but he doesn't want me to take him for x-rays. We shall see how he feels in the morning. When he fell the other day, I told him that he should make sure he falls in the kitchen or bathroom next time so he can get the cleaning supplies out from under the sink and clean the floor. Of course, that was after I'd determined that he hadn't hurt himself and said totally in jest. After the fall today, it no longer seems funny.

I sold some cards today based on my Christmas card for the kids. I'll be burning the midnight oil this week/weekend. I promised them to her by Monday so she can get them in the mail. I told her $7.50 each, which I think is fair.

On my shoulder... Got a couple of cortisone injections which hurt like the dickens but I did OK. The needle got stuck in the joint (sounds gross but I didn't look) so she had to use a hemostat to get it out. I actually thought it was quite amusing. I have a good sense of humor when it's something that I don't feel or have to see (by then, I was numb from the local and I had my eyes closed because I knew it was a big ole needle).

I will be having an MRI arthrogram. Sedated, of course. It'll be worth it to find out what is going on inside the shoulder joint.

Hope you all have a great week! We've got a busy December planned. This weekend I'll be doing cards, next weekend we're visiting some friends, the next weekend we're going to KC to see my mom, and the next weekend is Christmas! December will be over before I know it.

Good Monday (evening)

2011-11-28T22:17:00.000-06:00

Ron had a good time this past weekend with his friend. Tiring, but enjoyable. He walked more than he has recently so he's in quite a bit of pain today. Plus, he fell last night and landed hard on his right shoulder. Ouch... his leg came right out of the socket. But, he rested up today so I think he's back on the mend.

I see the orthopedic specialist tomorrow about my left shoulder. He's the same doctor who did Ron's total knee replacement and we think he's really good. I had rotator cuff repair in July 2004 and it was a rough recovery, but my shoulder felt so much better afterwards. I had bone spurs and the rough edges had begun damaging the muscle. I was told then that I "could" have a recurrence of the condition so I won't be surprised if that is the issue. My only thing is I need anything he's going to do taken care of in December so I don't have a big deductible beginning January. Plus, effective 1/1/12, I'll have a larger co-pay.

This past weekend (while Ron was out playing), I played in my craft room. I'm NOT an artist, but I have ideas in my head of things I'd like to see. I just don't know how to get the things out of my head and onto the paper. Thankfully, Provo Craft has lots of artists who are able to create images of things that I can get out of my head.

I had decided (last year) that I wanted to do a panorama card but didn't know exactly what I wanted. I started working Saturday and worked off and on all weekend on this. My first card will be going to WA to my grandkids up there.

The inside left panel has a cat on a red pillow in a chair; the stockings on the mantle have Alexander, Katy, and Zachary on them. And, there's an oil lamp on the mantle. The middle panel has cookies and milk on the table and presents under the tree, some with name tags. I drew the table and cut it out freehand (but it was an easy thing to do). The right panel has Santa with a bag full of gifts and one in his hand. The whole card is 12 x 6 and folds up to 6 x 6. The "body" of the card is made with two complete sheets of 12 x 12 paper.

If you look closely, you can see Rudolph's red nose...

I'm going to make one for Isaiah and Anna, one for Amy's nephew's Dalton and Hayden, and then some for some other little family kids (my nephew has two kids, and two of my nieces each have two kids). So, I need to get busy. But.... I wrote down what sizes worked and what cartridges I used so I can more easily recreate these. They are still time-consuming and not a cheap undertaking, but I love it and I know the kids will love seeing their names on the stockings. I'll make the cuts and then put them together in assembly-line style. Once I get the images cut out and put together, it'll move pretty quickly. The card bases will all be different. I don't know exactly what "wall paper" each one will have, but I think they'll be nice. If I have time, I actually have some other people I want to make one for but I'm not holding my breath. I still have regular Christmas cards to do.

Hope you all have a wonderful week!

Mr. Impulsive Stikes Again!

2011-11-25T20:14:00.000-06:00

Twice... yep... twice!

First:
The guy who made Ron's prosthesis and makes adjustments to it added a soft leather piece to the back where his knee "folds" over it and one on either side of the interior to help cushion his leg when he walks. In the beginning, he thought they were really helping but then felt like his leg was in a vice after about 10 minutes of walking. So, we took one of the them out the other day.

Let me tell you, these things were GLUED in with some industrial-strength stuff. My fingertips are all messed up from the darn weather (just gotta love split finger tips this early in the season) and my left arm is having some issues, so it was very difficult for me to get the thing out after he had started on it.

The part folded over the back is the leather piece that cushions the back of his leg.

The red arrow shows the leather piece. The two odd shaped "boxes" show where the interior side cushions were located. I say "were" because I had to take the 2nd one out last night because HE decided at 11:00 PM to start taking the 2nd one out. I knew that HE was not going to rest until the piece was out and if HE isn't resting, you know that "I" am not resting. {sigh} I was not happy. Especially since he dropped his leg on my foot about 20 minutes earlier and it was throbbing.

It might be kind of hard to see, but those discolored areas are bruises and a knot. I took this picture tonight and he dropped his leg on me Wednesday night. That is a very heavy leg. It hurt to wear my shoe both yesterday and today.

I did remember something about when they need to form and re-form Ron's prosthesis and that is the use of heat. So, I decided to get out my embossing gun (it gets hotter than a hair dryer) and try it. It worked! The adhesive softened enough for me to be able to pry it off and it only took me about 15 minutes.

Second:
It's my day off. No alarms set. No reason to suspect that anyone (if you know who I mean) will think I need to get up for any reason.

That would be negative. Of course, he had a reason to wake me up. Of course, it wasn't on purpose.

He was trying to get Maisey's attention.

By rubbing MY stomach as he called her.

Yeah... right... that's not going to DISTURB me at all.

I was seriously ticked.

Me: What. Are. You. Doing?
Him: Trying to get Maisey's attention.
Me: And you think rubbing MY stomach is going to get HER attention? (she wasn't even on my side of the bed)
Him: Mr. Blah Blah emailed me back. They don't want to trade the keyboard.
Me: So, you really wanted me to be awake so you could tell me that.
Him: I've been up since 5:00, got dressed, put my leg on, and I've been waiting for you to wake up.
Me: It's only 7:00 AM. I don't have any reason to have to be out of bed for any reason for at least an hour.
Him: Oh. Do you want me to go into the living room and leave you alone?
Me: What do you think???

Black Friday

2011-11-22T20:26:00.000-06:00

This will be the first Black Friday in a long time that I don't go out shopping. I have to say that I ENJOY getting up on that one morning of the year and going out with either Amy or Kris (those are the two people I usually go with; I've gone with my step-son's ex-wife one year). I don't go alone. It's just not as much fun.

I stand in the lines, pick out things, and put them in my cart. As I go through the store(s), I decide if what I want is really in my basket or not. Sometimes, I see people who were really, really looking for 'that' particular item, so I'll give it to them. I figure I have it on a "maybe I want to buy this" and they might have come for that ONE item and I have the power to make it a reality. So, I do.

Anyone who knows me very well knows that I love to buy, give, or make things for others. That's just how I do things. Many times, I'll buy something because I know that I'd like to receive it as a gift and I know that "so and so" would also like it. So, I give it to the other person. Usually, I can only afford to buy one of the items so giving it away is the right way to go. Eventually, I may (or may not) have an opportunity to buy one for myself. Usually not, but sometimes.

I haven't got a lot of money to spend on Christmas presents this year and I have extra babies now to spend money on. I have been buying used items from a FB page where Shaun and Jenny live (for the Navy families to buy/sell/trade items) for their kids. It keeps things out of the landfill, puts a little money back into the Navy families' wallets, and is saving me money on gifts. That helps a lot. I've spent less money on more things that I know they'll be happy with because I'm running everything by Jenny first. I'm saving postage because the trades are local for her. It's a win-win situation.

I've bought local stuff here for Anna and I have a few little things here to mail for the three up there. One of the items I did for Katy was to take a tote from Thirty One Gifts and I'm making a "baby bed" for her with it. I had her name put on the tote and I bought a little baby blanket (had her name embroidered on it, too). I bought some little doll accessories off eBay and once it's finished, she'll have a portable baby bed, complete with doll and everything her "baby" needs. I have a couple of other little girls that I'm doing something similar for. I think they'll be a big hit.

I still need to get Isaiah covered and something for Alexander (I've only bought him one thing up there).

But, because I've got so much covered from other places, I don't NEED to go out Friday. But, I WANT to go out Friday. Amy will be out of town and Kris will not be here, either. So I guess I will be staying here. Bummer...

If I had all my shopping done ~ AND ~ I had lots of extra money ~ AND ~ nothing better to do, I'd probably be tempted to stand in line at Wal-Mart for this:

I do not need it, but it would be nice to have. The regular retail price on this baby is nearly $500 ($399 when you can get it on sale). I'm sure there will be TONS of idiots fighting to pick this little item up. LOL - I'd love to be one of them. Hehehehe!

(Just a disclaimer... I am not spending money I don't already have put back for gifts. Nothing is going on credit and I'm not taking away from other bills or living expenses to spend on gifts. I learned a long time ago that I didn't want to be paying for one Christmas during the whole next year.)

Monday Madness

2011-11-21T21:22:00.000-06:00

I love my husband...
I love my husband...
I love my husband...

Really... I do...
And, most of the time, I even like him.

My cell phone rings at 6:10 AM and I answer but he can’t hear me – and I can’t hear him because he doesn’t have the blue tooth on (even though he thinks he does), so I get up and go into the living room… “It’s time to get up. You said you wanted up at 6:30.”

Me: It’s not 6:30
Him: 6:15 is close enough
Me: it is 6:10 and it’s not close enough if you’ve had a crappy night of sleep. I had my alarm set for 6:30.
Him: your coffee is ready.
Me: I’m not in the mood for coffee. I am in the mood to still be sleeping.
Him: you said you wanted to start your Wii program this morning.
Me: I did… but I had a bad night and I wasn’t going to get up before 6:30. (maybe not even before 7:00)
Him: Mr. Blah Blah’s not on Facebook. I found Mrs. Blah Blah and I found Daughter, but Mr. isn’t there.
Me: (getting my computer) Yes he is. I’ve seen him there.
Him: no he’s not. I requested Mrs. and Daughter and sent Mr. a message.

::::::::::::::::screeching brakes in my mind:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

Me: how did you send him a message if you couldn’t find him? Are you saying that you found him but he didn’t have a “friend request” button?
Him: yeah, that’s right.
Me: (by now, I’m looking at Mr. Blah Blah’s picture on FB, and very clearly see the friend button.) Here is the button (show him).
Him: I know. I clicked it and then I got friend requests from all these other people.
Me: you didn’t get friend requests from them… they’re his friends and what you got was “suggestions” for other people you might know.
Him: Oh… well, I wanted to be friends with some of them because I know them.
Me: fine, but that’s not what you told me. You said “Mr. Blah Blah isn’t on FB.” You had to have sent a friend request to him to get the suggestions for all these other people. The whole reason you got me up was to tell me you couldn’t find him.
Him: No, you said you wanted up.
Me: but your impulsiveness made you get me up RIGHT NOW so you could talk to me. I heard you come in and leave the bedroom three times and we didn’t even go to bed until almost midnight. I feel like I haven’t even been to bed. I can’t take a nap today if I’m tired. You can.

He finally said that it was not very nice of him to make the decision for when I was getting up for me. I think we need separate bedrooms again. He loves the bed without the extra “cushion” on it and I hate it.

He gets a wild hair up his butt and he’s acting on it without even stopping to think about it.

He said he won't wake me up tomorrow... hehehe!

I've been "outta here"

2011-11-20T22:03:00.000-06:00

Life has been soooo busy around my neck of the woods. Work has been crazy with deadlines and everything that can go along with end-of-year deadlines. We have several guides and help files that have to go to print this week and everyone has been working diligently to get everything taken care of.

Ron's had a few appointments and is (overall) doing much better. He's walking around the house with only a cane. The visiting nurse is amazed at how well he's doing. He's been faithfully doing his range of motion and stretching exercises every day. I'm very proud of him.

Anna is growing and Isaiah is a very proud big brother. I bought him a shirt that says Most Amazing Big Brother on it. His current favorite word is "amazing" so I thought it was fitting.

Shaun's ship is at the half-way point for deployment. If all goes well, we'll be traveling to see the ship return when the time comes.

I've had my ups and my downs. I come home from work and don't really want to do too much except put my feet up. I rearranged my craft room because it just wasn't working and we needed a bed there. We found a sale for twin "back to school" special for $179 so that worked out very well. The rearrangement of the "cubes" makes the room much more functional. As soon as I'm finished putting things away, I'll have to post new pictures.

Thanksgiving cards are not going to happen this year. But, maybe it's not too late for Christmas... We shall see.

I've been doing shopping for my WA grandchildren online - 2nd hand and like new items. My DIL connects with the sellers and pays them. I send her the money to cover it. It's working out quite well. No shipping. I have 2-3 things that I've purchased here to send to them. I bought a set of ears and paws for Katy and Alexander from my friend Jenny over at Knees and Paws. She has an Etsy shop that you should check out. She's very talented and the stuff she makes will encourage creativity.

Anna is bought for. There's not much you can buy for a newborn. Can't share what I bought (Amy sometimes reads my blog) until after Christmas but I know it will be a hit. Isaiah - now, he's a different story. No clue on what we're getting him. The teenagers will get a bit of cash. They like that better anyway.

Thanks to all of you for sticking around in my absence. Thanks, too to the new folks. It's lovely to have you all here. Life will slow down in the next 2-3 weeks and I can get back into the swing of things.

May God richly bless you all today, tomorrow, and always.

Teresa

Ron update

2011-11-09T21:49:00.000-06:00

Ron is doing so well that it is nothing short of amazing. He feels like he has a new lease on life. In fact, he has decided to join the blogging world and created a blog. It's called In His Service - TRC Audio. He only has one post there now (he's still learning) but if you wanted to pop over and leave an encouraging comment, I know he'd appreciate it.

Ron is going to start touring with our friend, Chuck Haukos, and be a part of the gospel group Closer Than Brothers. Chuck writes the lyrics, soundtrack, and sings. His brother, Mike, also plays guitar and sings harmony. As Ron gets stronger and learns the songs, he'll be playing bass guitar with them. In the meantime, he'll be doing the CD sales desk. (You can listen to some of Chuck's music by clicking the above link.)

He's walking around the house with a cane. He's even walked a bit out and about with a cane, too. He's lost his balance a couple of times. {sigh} But... he's doing great.

Hope you all are doing well.

Hugs...

Teresa

Catching up

2011-11-05T21:42:00.000-05:00

I'll catch up with you all tomorrow but wanted to share two pieces of news....

Amy and Rex had their baby tonight. Anna Catherine Schertz arrived at 4:58 PM weighing 7 lbs 8 oz and 19.5 inches long. She's beautiful.

Ron is doing great. He's walking around the house very well and using his wheelchair very little. Very good.

I got my processor yesterday. I have worn it most of the day yesterday and today but had to take it off tonight because my head was hurting. I put some antibiotic ointment on just to make sure everything is ok.

Keith thinks I should bling it up. LOL - probably not.

Anyway, I'm pretty tired so I'll hit the hay and try to catch up tomorrow.

blessings to you all.

Teresa

700th post

2011-11-02T21:33:00.000-05:00

This is my 700th post. I would have been at this number sooner but I've deleted a few along the way. Oh well...

Ron is coming home tomorrow. He's doing much better - amazingly so. We're all surprised.

My son posted this on his Facebook status today. I thought it was so nice.

When I was younger, I was a fan of Country music. I blame lack of access to Metal and Classic Rock, but that is beside the point. For my birthday, my mother (who worked second shift, did most of the chores, handled all the bills, and still found time to cook dinner) waited outside of a Dillons from the moment she got off work til 6:00 AM the following day to purchase floor tickets to Garth Brooks... (my favorite, at the time). We were not rich, and the tickets were not cheap, but I was too young to truly understand this concept.

At the concert, I could not see because everyone was standing and I was so short (hard to believe, some 15 years later, right?). I stood on a chair, and was able to enjoy the show somewhat, until the security guard forced me to get off of the seat. The music was so loud, that I couldn't really understand what was being said. 10 minutes into Garth Brooks' portion of the show, I left the floor and waited in the hallway. My mother bought me a Garth Brooks hat and took me home. I was angry that I didn't get to enjoy my present. I was selfish, and I cannot blame it all on not knowing any better. My mother just smiled and drove me home.

I complain from time to time that my life is not as good as it could be, or even that my life is horrid. This is unfair. No matter how bad it may get, I am one of the lucky ones that still has both parents (happily married, mind you) who love their children without cause or question. For that, I am blessed.

For a mother who does everything thanklessly.

For a father who would give you the shirt off his back, or the shoes off his feet (if he had feet, that is).

For brothers and sisters who protect each other, even if they don't always get along.

My life is great, and I would do well to never forget that.

I'm not very talkative tonight. I've visited a few of my friends' blogs but I'm just not up to commenting tonight. Tired and my stomach is a bit upset.

Friday morning, I get my sound processor so I should be hearing all the things I've been missing. My surgery site is still very tender so they may postpone until it's better. We shall see...

Until then, good-night my friends. I do have a post for Halloween but it will have to wait.

Saturday is definitely looking up

2011-10-29T18:23:00.000-05:00

Ron has done very well in the rehab unit. He walked down to breakfast this morning, then to physical therapy, and then back to his room. Of course, he has been in the bed the rest of the day but he's still done very well, all things considered.

The hospitalist doctor was in this afternoon and they're going to remove the Foley, the IV, and re-dress his blisters (which no look like healing burns). He looks much better today and although he's in more pain from being up, says he feels better.

I couldn't be happier.

On another note, I spoke with my company's insurance representative and found out that I can enroll Ron in one of the plans my company offers. It's still quite a bit more expensive, for less coverage and for a fairly hefty deductible, but way less expensive than purchasing Part B, Part D, and any "gap" coverages. I spoke with the transitions representative today and he said I'd save hundreds a month by enrolling Ron in my health care plan, if my company allows it. So, the plan is to look into our policies during the open enrollment period and see what kind of coverage I can get for us for the most reasonable amount of money.

I'd like to find a hospital bed for Ron and a twin bed for me. That would give us more room in our bedroom because I'd set them up like an "L" and put the bedside tables on the inside. If I did it right, Ron would have more wheelchair room and a hospital bed would be much more comfortable for him.We shall see. This is a very rough mock-up of our bedroom - obviously not to scale - of what I'd like to do. I'm definitely not an architect or engineer.

I'll look around and see if I can find something that's a reasonable amount of money and then see about selling our king-sized bed. That's the plan anyway. We'll see how that pans out.

I'm feeling much more relaxed about things (for the moment). I slept in this morning (to 8:15) and then cleaned up my kitchen. Yay! Now when I walk in my front door, the first thing I run into will be a clean kitchen. Our front door comes right into the kitchen. I'd like to get laundry done and the living room swept before the weekend is over. It may or may not happen. I need to clean the 2nd bedroom up and do some crafty things. I never did get any Christmas cards made.

I might actually be able to get some things accomplished.

Thursday updates

2011-10-27T21:26:00.000-05:00

Got to the hospital this morning and Ron was still resting. I'm glad that he was able to rest some last night.

The blisters on his arm were merging into bigger blisters. Three of the bigger ones became one about the size of a bagel. Yuck.

I spent hours on the Internet last night researching the Medicare parts and Medigap coverages. I wasn't able to make any determinations that would be beneficial to us. I talked to the insurance company and they informed me that effective 1/1/2012 that they will no longer be providing any kind of insurance coverage - ANY, including prescriptions. That was a very big disappointment.

I contacted the insurance company at my employer and am waiting to see what they say. The best I can come up with on my own makes our premiums nearly 4x higher per month than what we're currently paying, and that does not include co-pays or deductibles. I had a rough day after processing all of that.

In fact, my whole day only had one bright spot... Ron walked about 230 feet this morning and then about 60 feet this afternoon. As soon as he is medically stable, he'll be transferred to the in-patient rehab unit.

Tonight, he's not feeling well. Has a fever, had to get two more units of blood because his hematocrit was 23.7 (should be over 43-ish) and his hemoglobin was 7.9 (should be over 14). Dr. A decided to drain the blisters because they were so massive.

I wish I had better news. I am having a bit of a pity-party today so just not too "with it" this evening. I'm trying but it's a struggle today. It's been a very emotional week.

The news of the day

2011-10-26T22:16:00.000-05:00

Ron is definitely better today. He's about back to his normal self. But, the day didn't start out too greatly.

In fact, it started out too early for me - at 6:00 AM. My cell phone rang with Ron's special ringer (Alert! Alert! Your husband is calling...) and jerked me awake. He was frantic, thought they were trying to kill him. He said, "You've got to come down here. They're trying to kill me in this place! They haven't exercised my leg at all, they're not feeding me, I haven't had any insulin, they're giving me too much pain medication, and they didn't take me to therapy yesterday. I'm going to die in here!"

I assured him that he had indeed had his leg put on the exercise machine at least twice (I had been there and helped even one of those times). He had been given stuff to eat; the nurse's aid had fed him once and I had fed him once. He'd been given insulin because I watched an injection. He hadn't had any dilaudid for hours because the pump was empty and disconnected last night. He had been taken to therapy (he told me so himself earlier yesterday) but they had been unable to do anything because of his lethargy.

"Besides," I said, "you wouldn't die if they tried to kill you because there are too many people around the world praying for you." But, I told him I'd be down as soon as I could get ready for work and get there.

He was quite surprised to discover how much he had missed during the previous two days. He was very shocked to discover that I had actually been there for part of the times he was sure nothing had been done for him. Next, he told me that he was overdue to have his patches changed. I'd already checked them (last night) and they were dated 10/24, so they're not actually due to be changed until tomorrow morning. That was another surprise. So far, he's batting 1,000 in being incorrect.

I finally convinced him that he had just lost that time and the reason he was in such bad shape was completely due to blood loss and his red blood count. His hemoglobin count should have been from 14-18 but instead it had dropped to 7, which is dangerously low. He is prone to low red blood count due to kidney disease and the surgery just made it worse.

Dr. A came in while I was there and we discussed the blisters and everything else that was going on. They're keeping a close eye on the blisters to make sure they don't get infected. Then, Dr. K's assistant came in and changed the dressing on Ron's knee. It looks really good. I was impressed. She removed the drain and re-dressed it.

This afternoon, the therapist tried to get Ron up to walk but he'd been so long without his shrinker on his right leg that his prosthesis wouldn't go on. I had to come home after work and get one to take back down to them. If it stays on all night, he should be able to get the socket on tomorrow. The therapist did do several sets of exercises with him, so that is good. She also changed the settings on the range of motion machine to make the range broader. Ron rated his pain at 0 today, which is wonderful. If his patches don't get changed tonight or in the morning, that will probably change. But, he did say that his knee joint did not hurt at all. Big improvement!

The dark spot in today is a piece of mail we received. Because he is on Social Security disability, he is also on Medicare Part A (that's the free in-patient coverage). His private insurance from being a Boeing retiree has been picking up the tab all this time for his care over the years. They notified us today that as of December 31, he would no longer have Boeing retiree as primary and he would have to take Medicare Part A and Part B. I don't consider myself a stupid person, but all these things are very confusing. Part B costs more per month just for him than we currently pay for BOTH of us. Add to that the cost of Part D (which is the prescription drug plan) per month, the associated deductibles, co-insurances, what I'll have to pay for insurance through my employer, my prescriptions, etc. and we have a recipe for disaster. Serious disaster.

Ron's prescriptions run approximately $39,000 (retail) per year. Plan D doesn't even come close to paying this much out. The best I could figure out (online) was the monthly premium would be about $110 but the deductible would be about $7,000, and then the monthly co-pay would be around $300 (some months up to $1,100 in the "doughnut hole" period where the plan covers nothing). It would be sad to think that he's come all this way just to have Medicare kill him because he can't get his prescriptions. If we were considered "low income" he could get outside assistance (Medicaid or something) to help pay for the prescriptions (this doesn't even count the $100 per month for diabetes test strips). But, we're not truly low income. I thought if we got divorced maybe then he'd qualify for assistance but then that would make things worse for me.

I wouldn't be able to live here if we were divorced (even if he was still in Independent Living). If he did go into assisted living, they'd take everything, even the portion of his retirement pay that as a survivor I'm entitled to.

I called my mom to ask her about how she's covered under Medicare. She retired from Southwestern Bell and was a member of the union. As such, her retiree insurance is secondary and her prescription drug coverage picks up where Medicare doesn't. This makes me feel a whole lot better to think that Boeing might be secondary for Ron and cover his drugs. Based on what I read in the mailing it doesn't sound like they will pick up that tab, but I need to talk with one of their representatives to find out for sure.

Either way, this could be really, really ugly.

Better today!

2011-10-26T11:51:00.000-05:00

I'll post a more detailed update this evening, but I wanted to touch base and say how much better Ron is today. The two units of blood he got last night made a big difference in his confusion and "alertness." He was pretty much his usual self this morning.

Wonder how many more lives that man has? LOL - he's got more than your average household cat!

Thank you, thank you, thank you for all the wonderful support, prayers, and words of encouragement!

Wish I had better news...

2011-10-25T21:39:00.000-05:00

But, it's not looking too great for the home team.

Recap:

Slept in until 7:45, which was great. I fell asleep in the recliner last night while I was watching TV. Woke up a little after midnight and took myself to bed. Only got up once to use the bathroom (yay!).

Got to the hospital about 8:30 and managed to see Dr. K. He'd already been in to see Ron and was not pleased with how he looked. Said he was moving very slowly and he did not think Ron would be ready for Joint Camp today (that's the rehab program at the hospital). He said that Dr. A is very concerned about Ron's heart and the combination of all of the different medications he's taking. Everything he takes could cause a problem with something else and any of them could send him over the edge. Ron already takes very strong narcotics for pain and received very strong medication yesterday. In the spinal, they included a drug that should have given him pain relief for 18-24 hours post-op. It did not give him any relief at all. The dilaudid should have filled in the gap from the other medicine. It did not.

I got into Ron's room to see him sitting in a chair. That was good. He was non-responsive to communication though. Sleeping between words. That was not so good. His IV had been moved to his other arm and he had a bloody bandage on his arm where the first IV had been. I asked him what had happened. He couldn't tell me. I figured since he bleeds easily that the bandage was there because he'd bled when they removed the IV. I stayed for a while and then left for work.

I called him at 1:45 this afternoon to see how he was doing. Questions I asked him were not answered with appropriate responses so I told him I'd see him tonight.

I got to his room about 6:30 tonight to find him in the chair again, sleeping, but holding onto a cup of liquid (either tea or beef broth). I asked him what he was doing. Silence...

Me:   Ron
Him: huh? how long you been there?
Me:   a couple of minutes. What are you doing?
~silence~
Me:   Ron!
Him: huh?
Me: what are you doing? are you eating?
~silence~
Me:   Ron!!!
Him: what!
Me:   are you eating?
Him: I think so.
Me:   then you need to pick up the cup and drink or else let go so you don't spill it.
~silence~
Me:   Ron!
Him: what do you want me to do?
Me:   either let go of the cup or drink it. if you don't eat you won't keep up your strength.
Him:  they're not giving me anything.
Me:   you have a liquid diet (tea, broth, juice, jell-o), and toast. you need to actually put it in your mouth.
~silence~
Me:   (picking up the jell-o) let go of the jell-o so I can help you. (he lets go)
Me:   you have to shut you mouth on the spoon to get the jell-o off.
(finishes the jell-o)
Me: (picking up the toast) open your mouth to eat the toast.
Me: shut your mouth and take a bite (he'd opened his mouth but did not close his teeth on the toast)
~silence~
Me:   Ron! bite, chew, swallow

This went on for every bite until 3/4 of the toast had been eaten. He still had one hand on the tea/broth cup. Then, I noticed that his bandage on the right arm had shifted and looked like it needed to be changed, so I put it back into place and rang for the nurse. While I waited for her to come, I took a look at his arm and it has HUGE blisters (about the size of a quarter and 1/4-1/2 inch raised) all over his forearm. It looks like something burned him. Yesterday afternoon I had said something to the nurse about his right hand being swollen and asked if his IV had gotten infiltrated. My dad had one do that and his arm swelled up so I wanted them to look at Ron's. She turned on the light and said it looked fine.

Evidently, it was not fine. I'd post a picture but it really is quite shocking. I took several pictures of it for safekeeping. I've seen what an infiltrated IV looks like on someone and this did not look like that.

While the nurse was changing the bandage (she said she'd never seen anything like that before) she told me that his hemoglobin had dropped from 11 (which is low) to 7 (which is dangerously low) so the doctor had ordered 2 units of blood. They couldn't find a new site for another IV so they called in the IV team. They couldn't find one either so he'll probably get a PIC line put in either tonight or tomorrow. She also told me his kidney function blood work shows that his kidneys are struggling.

In order to get him into and out of bed, they have to use one of the lift machines. He can't even transfer on his own.

I am looking into our options. I found out that if he is not able to transfer to the rehab program, he'll be sent to a skilled nursing facility (i.e., nursing home) in this area. Schowalter may or may not have room to take him so he could be in the town (or two) north of us or the town south of us. That would not be very convenient for me at all. Medicare will pay for 21 days a 100% and then we'd have a co-pay or maybe our private insurance would pick up the tab. We don't know. If during the 21 days he's progressed enough to be transferred to rehab, he'd go to where ever there was an opening, either at Schowalter or back at the hospital.

If he doesn't progress well enough then he'll probably be in the nursing home for a long time. This is not good. I could be homeless in a matter of weeks. I'm not worried about me; I can put things in storage and hopefully be able to find a room to rent somewhere. There is a hotel in town that does weekly rent so that might also be an option.

There's also my van. I could put it into an RV camp and sleep there if I had to. There is a little place off the highway that would work. That's a last-ditch resort. (Just kidding. I wouldn't park my van in an RV camp. Trying to keep it light-hearted.)

I think I'm going to call it a night. I got home about 8:00 tonight, took out the trash, ate some chicken and some grapes, and now need to do up the dishes and go to bed. I'm planning on getting up early tomorrow so I'm not too late for work. I can't afford to have more unpaid time on my next paycheck. I'm already at 11 hours and that will be a noticeable amount.

Take care ya'll. Extra prayers would be appreciated.

Fatigue?

2011-10-24T21:48:00.000-05:00

I never truly understood the term "bone-crushing fatigue" until today. We went to bed last night at our usual time and got up at 5:00 am. That's a bit earlier than usual but not that much earlier (I'm usually up by 6:30). I didn't feel this tired driving to the hospital or even sitting in the recovery room. Our pastor came by a couple of times and I spent the rest of the time reading a book and surfing around the net.

The surgery took longer than anticipated. Instead of 1-2 hours for surgery, he was in there closer to 3 hours. They had a hard time getting the spinal started. Then, he bled a bit more than they expected. Add to that the fact that he had quite a bit of scarring in the joint and muscles from previous injuries and surgery - and contractures of his muscles. That combination lengthened surgery quite a bit.

The surgeon finally came and talked to me around noon. He'd gone into surgery at about 8:00 am.

After he talked with me, I went and had lunch and then went to move my car from the emergency room parking lot (which is also the parking lot for admissions) to the regular parking lot. I got out to my car and literally had to sit there for several minutes before I felt like I could drive around the building. I think it was just the relief of the whole thing washing over me that made me feel so exhausted.

I had to go get some lunch stuff for this week and mail a couple of things, so I left about 3:00 pm and made plans to return later. I had an appointment for cable repair this evening between 5:00 and 7:00. I got the stuff unloaded from the car, put away the cold items, and then collapsed in the recliner and slept until the phone woke me around 5:00 or so. I'm not sure how long I actually slept, but it did give me back some energy.

I'm the same age NOW that my mom was when she started doing the "hospital routine" with my dad. She did it for 18 years. I don't know how she coped through the exhaustion. I'm sure none of us kids ever gave her the kudos she deserved for all the things she did. She made my dad's last years much longer than they would have been if she hadn't been there to take care of him. I never heard her complain although I'm very sure she must have been extremely worn out through all the times he was in and out of the hospital.

We should have been more considerate of her. Yep...

I'm turning off my alarm and will get up when my body says it's time. Then, I'll go to the hospital and on to work. I need to put in my 8 hours before I leave, but I'll work through lunch (I know... I should get up but can't do that; I'll heat my lunch up and eat as I work) to cut the day down a bit.

I'll try to post tomorrow with an update. Maybe not until Wednesday.

(Note - I didn't post any pictures. Poor guy... I didn't have the heart to even take his picture today. There's always tomorrow.... )

Relief

2011-10-24T13:16:00.000-05:00

No matter how often I am in a hospital waiting room and how prepared I think I am to receive news, it still surprises me how that news and the waiting has worn me out.

I am typing on Keith's tablet and it is quite different from my laptop. But the surgery was a success and Ron is currently in recovery.

I will write more later.

The Thank You Cards

2011-10-22T15:54:00.000-05:00

Well, I finished them. I wanted to get them completed before Ron's surgery so I worked on them today. I'll package them up to mail tomorrow.

The pictures aren't the greatest because I took them with my cell phone. They're pretty "busy" but my customer likes them, so that is OK. She wanted them all to be in the same color family so that's what I did.

They are black and white with various shades of green. The neon green flowers were purchased but I made the rest of them.

Truth Is Thursday

2011-10-20T21:17:00.000-05:00

I have better things to write this Thursday...

Truth is... I have so much to do at work that I have to remind myself to go to the bathroom.

Truth is... I don't have time to eat a meal, either. I eat my lunch in pieces throughout the day.

Truth is... This will go on through the month of November and then slow down (I hope).

Truth is.... I worked on one chapter - that is ONE chapter - today for FIVE hours (yes, 5) getting the pagination to be correct. For any of you out there who might know what MadCap Flare is, you'll appreciate how much trouble that was. We have one source file and four different target outputs. When you paginate one, it could mess with another. It was a pain in the royal behind.

Truth is... Ron is looking forward to his surgery.

Truth is... I'm not so sure I am.

Truth is... I am looking forward to the finished results.

Truth is... Had a great time last weekend with friends.

Truth is... Looking forward to this weekend. I have cards to make for an order.

Truth is... I'll be posting pictures. Hehehe! I'm such a braggart.

Truth is... I am behind on card making. Need to get going for fall and Christmas cards and orders (which I hope I get).

Truth is... I decided that I'm not making my co-workers anything for Christmas this year. Just decided that I'm not doing it.

Truth is... Would you like to know how Ron got himself into this position?

Truth is... He fell in the bathroom AGAIN. We couldn't get him up from in there so he's in the process of crawling to the living room so he can get up into his chair.

Truth is... Crap. What's next? Luckily, he did not cut anything this time.

Had a great time...

2011-10-17T21:17:00.001-05:00

We got to Branson about 4:30 Friday afternoon and needed to be at the Sight and Sound Theater by 6:15. Not much time to get unloaded, get something quick to eat, and get over there. Of course, the traffic was wicked busy but my friends knew how to get there a quick way so we were on our way. McDonald's dinner "to go" and we were in the parking lot by 6:00. Great timing.

The outside of the theater is just beautiful.

The inside was really beautiful, too.

Herb, Debbie, Ron, and Wanda
(Herb and Debbie are my friends; Wanda is Herb's mom)

We did not plan to both wear pink shirts; it just worked out that way.

The road between Sprinfield, MO and Branson is very hilly and cut right out of the mountains. As we were driving, I took a couple of pictures of the scenery. The rocks were really interesting looking.

Saturday evening, we went to Yakov's Dinner Theater.

Yakov wrote a book called Little Ballet Slippers & Big Red Nose and he had performers from the Moscow Circus performing the story as he narrated it. The book is loosely based on the story of a circus performer he met 20 years ago in Vegas who told him how much he missed his wife and son back in Russia.

The story follows Andre, a lowly circus clown, and Marina, a beautiful circus ballerina. They share a special friendship and "heart" connection that Marina's sister (Olga) is very jealous of. She is the ringmaster and the owner of this circus and she gives all of the orders. She makes arrangements for the circus to travel to America to perform, but instead of everyone being able to go, she makes sure that Andre goes and Marina is not allowed to go. Love prevails and eventually Andre and Marina are reunited in America.

The true story is that Andre really was the circus performer in Vegas and Marina was his wife back in Russia. Yakov arranged for them to come to America. They both perform in this play, along with their son. It's a very touching story and beautifully done.

Neither of them looked old enough (far away or up close) to have a son old enough to be performing.

Andre and me.
(It's a terrible picture but I wanted to post it anyway.)

Yakov is a very talented performer and artist. The painting in the picture behind us was done by him. The gift shop was full of his artwork. He's also a professor at Missouri State University.

During the story, the meal is served by the performers and it was very tasty. The food is prepared by a Russian chef and consisted of a potato soup, beef brisket, chicken breast, sauteed vegetables, mashed potatoes, sweet cornbread muffin, and a "twist" on strawberry shortcake - Russian style.

Sunday, we ate at Cracker Barrel and then headed home. On the way home, I snapped a beautiful sunset.

The weekend starts

2011-10-13T21:17:00.000-05:00

Right Now!!!

I worked enough overtime this week that I only need 5 hours of vacation time tomorrow, leaving the other 3 hours for some other time that I might need them.

Bright and early tomorrow, Ron and I will be packing up (well, I'll be doing the packing up) and hitting the road. We have an appointment at the chiropractor at 10:00 and I have to take Maisey to the boarder (our groomer keeps her for $8 per day - and she lives in the house with her and not in a kennel) before that. So, we have to be ready to hit the road by 9:00.

I'm looking forward to our weekend away. I think Ron is, too.

On a side note, we're meeting my best friends from childhood - Debbie and Herb. Debbie and I have been friends for a long time. Over 40 years (yikes! did I just write that?). In fact, her husband was my first serious boyfriend. We were all 14 at the time and went to the same church. Herb and I were an "item" at all the church functions (that was the only thing we were allowed to do) until we were 16. My dad decided that I could no longer go out with the church crowd, so he made me break up with Herb. That catalyst for that was he'd seen Herb's brother kiss his then-girlfriend (fiance - now wife of 40 years) in our driveway in - GASP! - broad daylight!!!! Oh my heavens - how scandalous that was.

We were still friends but didn't even have an official real date. Herb started dating Debbie during our junior year of high school and they got married the year after we graduated. They've been married for 36 years. My next serious boyfriend was Herb's best friend. It was kind of cool... Debbie and I were best friends; Herb and Bill were best friends.

That lasted another two years but since Bill and I went to different colleges, we didn't see each other too often and just drifted apart. Bill ended up marrying Debbie's sister. LOL...

Monday Madness

2011-10-10T22:22:00.000-05:00

Our company celebrated customer service week last week and as part of the festivities,we had a health fair with different vendors coming in to show different ways to get healthy and other ways to get people involved in activities.

One of the vendors was giving a sales pitch to someone about a diet program he had, so I picked up a brochure to read what he was saying. As he was quoting this price to her ($90 per week for their food), he was saying how it was all the food you need to buy for the week. I nearly snorted out loud because I was reading the brochure and how it said their food + fruits, vegetables, and an additional protein each day. This would add up to considerably more than the $90 per week he was quoting. I just quietly put the brochure down and walked away.

Other vendors actually did have things that were worthwhile. I picked up some literature about foot care for diabetics and the importance of correctly fitted shoes. Many of the other vendors had free ink pens and I'm always looking for comfortable, good writing ink pens.

As part of the company telling us all "thanks," we got an afternoon snack (pretzels, popcorn, or peanuts and a drink) each afternoon. One of the days that the office air conditioning was out, we also got afternoon ice cream delivery from Schwan's. It was nice.

I ended up working about 7.5 hours on Saturday. Because of that, I didn't have to take any unpaid time for being off with Ron on Friday morning. I'll be putting in some extra hours this week because we have a deadline that is fast approaching. I'll be off on Friday (Ron and I are taking a weekend off) so will probably put in 9-10 hours tomorrow through Thursday. I'm updating screen shots to reflect 2010 data, which is a time consuming operation but necessary. Easy, so I can listen to music while I'm replacing them. I do a pretty good job in MS Paint in doctoring screen shots to say what I want them to say, so I just do my thing while I'm enjoying some good music.

The sinus infection is on the way out of here. I'm finally starting to feel like I'm back among the living. Not a day too soon, either. I want to feel good for this weekend. We need the break away as it will be the last one for a while, especially with the surgery coming up.

We finally got some much needed rain. All weekend. That's OK. The ground really needed it.

That's about all of the madness for the day. Tomorrow will be here too soon!

Ya'll have a great week!

It's official...

2011-10-07T13:03:00.001-05:00

I'm sick. Went from feeling perfectly fine Wednesday to feeling like death warmed over today. Colored stuff that is well... it is what it is...Headache behind my eyes. Sinus pressure. Not fun. I just hate being sick. I'm sure that no one exactly enjoys it, but I don't even welcome it so I can rest. LOL - resting is the hardest thing to do when I've got a sinus infection. Lie down, head clogs up. I'm getting quite adept at the saline sinus washes. Don't like them but they do help.

On another note, thank you all for the sweet comments you left on yesterday's post. I was really just feeling awful. I still feel awful but in a better frame of mind.

Ron saw the orthopedic specialist today. The osteoarthritis in his knee is much worse than it was last time he was x-rayed. The only "fix" is to have a total knee replacement, so that is scheduled for Monday, October 24, 2011. He will have a pre-op physical next week with an EKG, chest x-ray, blood work, etc. just to get the all clear. The surgery will be done with a spinal and local anesthetic - no general anesthesia, which is good for Ron. After the surgery, he'll be in the hospital 4-5 days and then transfer to rehab for a bit. The doctor is an experienced, no sugar-coating kind of guy. Said there are risks with Ron's overall health but the surgery is the only option he has at this point unless he wants to become totally wheelchair bound. Once the surgery is over, he'll have to work on building his muscle and strength back up. No magic there - they can take away the pain but he's got to do the work.

He says he will. I can only trust that he means it. I know that pain holds him back so we will wait and see.

Truth is Thursday

2011-10-06T19:26:00.000-05:00

Decided to hop on the band wagon today. Probably because I don't feel good.

Truth is... I really feel like crap.

Truth is... When I feel this way, I resent having to get up and go to work, then come home and take care of business here.

Truth is... It's not that I'm unhappy with my life but more that I know the choices we made is what put us here. I wouldn't have willingly taken this path, which sounds a bit hypocritical but it's the choices that I had no control over that I'm talking about.

Truth is... I worry too much about things that I can't change.

Truth is... I have a sweet friend who suffered a traumatic brain injury 10 years ago tomorrow. Her family has unselfishly cared for her all these years and when I think of their sacrifices, I'm humbled and ashamed.

Truth is... I am sometimes ready to give up and I think "just one more day; it will be better tomorrow."

Truth is... I don't know why and I don't know how, but I know that it's beyond me and I have to lean on my faith to get it done.

Truth is... I'm really looking forward to Anna's arrival. She's due in five weeks.

Truth is... I feel really selfish for incurring another medical bill. I could have continued to live my life with hearing only on one side. Millions of people do it all the time. Why did I think I should be any different?

Truth is... This post sucks and I apologize. I feel like shit on a shoestring.

Truth is... I'm 55 and don't have a clue about what I'm supposed to do next. How long can I tell myself and everyone else that I'm capable of taking care of all of Ron's needs.

Truth is... I don't expect him to do much around the house, but when he doesn't even do what he can, it totally ticks me off.

Truth is... When he tells me that he nearly wrecked his wheelchair and tipped it over in the middle of the road, I worry.

Truth is... I dread coming home and hearing one more thing that is bothering him. It's always something and I know I can't fix it.

Monday Musings

2011-10-03T20:42:00.000-05:00

When it's 90 degrees outside, you'd rather it be less than 91 degrees inside your office. Considerably less.

When you fill up your car, spend over $50 doing it, and THEN gas drops in price you can whine. But, only to yourself.

You should never take the dog out to potty when you don't have on any shoes. When you drop the leash and she takes off, it is really hard to chase her. Ouch... ouch... ouch.

Speaking of going out, you should always, always, ALWAYS check for spiders on the sliding glass door before you assume there aren't any. Especially if it's 11:00 PM, the front door is locked, and you notice the HUGE spider on the door handle as you're reaching to come back in. And, Ron is in his recliner and not his wheelchair. And, you don't have on any shoes. And, to top it all off, you don't have ANY spider spray. Walking around the house barefoot, and in the dark, is much preferred over trying to get in past the spider without letting it in as well. Got Ron to open the front door and let me in. I got the only spray I could find (Scrubbing Bubbles), put on my shoes, and went back out the front door and around to the back. Sprayed the spider with the bathroom cleaner, which made him drop to the ground and I put him out of our misery. (Notice a pattern of me going outside without shoes? Yeah, me too. I really shouldn't be doing that.)

You should never wait until Monday morning to discover that the clothes you put into the dryer on Saturday didn't get dry. Something about pushing that "start" button...

You should never take your diuretic pill when you have a 45 mile drive to work. Definitely not. Makes for a very long drive.

Blogger is eating comments

2011-10-02T21:35:00.000-05:00

AGAIN!

Seriously, is it just me or are other people noticing that when you hit the post button your comment disappears? I've had it happen so much that I now try to remember to copy my comment so I can either re-post and "maybe" have it take or email it to the blog owner.

I know when posts are moderated, I get the message that my post will visible after approval. That doesn't happen on the comments when what I've written disappears.

There's no rhyme or reason. Any ideas?

Saturday's activities

2011-10-01T17:09:00.001-05:00

Today has passed very quickly! I slept in until about 8:00, which felt good! I took Maisey to her "beauty shop" for her monthly bath, pedicure, and haircut. I went to Sonic and got Ron his favorite breakfast - a single hamburger with mustard and a diet limeade, extra lime and 1/2 soda 1/2 soda water. Yeah... not my thing. If I'm buying soda, I don't want it diluted with the carbonated water. But he says it cuts down on the sweetness of it. I don't drink much soda but when I do, I want the real thing. I had coffee (which I didn't finish so I saved it and reheated it in the microwave; I'm still not done with it).

Last night was the high school's homecoming parade and game (they won) and today the town had a little street fair. Instead of "homecoming," they call it "coming home." Not sure why, but they do. There were little booths for the kids, some vendor food, and a bounce house. The local businesses had set up outside of their buildings and had little trinkets to give away. One business owner had a game based on "Plinko" from Wheel of Fortune. She had just finished setting it up as we were walking by so she asked Isaiah if he wanted to play it. He wanted to go to the bounce house so he said no thanks. We talked him into playing and he won a 50-cent piece. The slots were prize, candy, prize, candy, $$, candy, prize, candy, prize. His washer dropped into the only $$ marker on the board. He was pretty excited. We did all the booths and headed out, passing the Plinko board again. She let him play again and he won another 50-cent piece!

After that, we went to a local "Barn Sale," which was really an outdoor craft show. I have a friend who does beautiful custom jewelry and I knew she'd be there. Our groomer told me about one of her clients who makes baby things with that really soft, silky/furry material. She had some beautiful stuff and Amy was torn between a blanket with butterflies in the pink/brown/lime green colors that she loves and one that was black/white Zebra stripes and trimmed/backed by hot pink. They were just beautiful and only $30 each. She had sleep sacks ($28), 12" square "blankies" for toddlers that have tags sewn in them to play with ($15), toddler girl dresses ($15 and beautiful), and a few other things. Amy took her card for when she decides which blanket she wants. I bought two little hand-crocheted caps for Anna for $4 each.

After that, Amy, Rex, and Isaiah headed out and I walked around some more. One of the local Mennonite church youth groups was selling lunch so I decided to eat. For $6.00, I got a grilled hamburger, chips, soda, and a piece of pie. It was really delicious.

From there, I had to go pick up Maisey from the groomer and then I came home.

Now, the day is almost over and I'm just chillin'. Going to go clean up my playroom and maybe make some cards.

Or, not. LOL! Sitting here with my feet up feels pretty good. But, I really do want to get started on my cards.

It's been a hellavu day

2011-09-30T22:31:00.000-05:00

But, I want to THANK all of you who left such lovely comments on my last post. I'm thinking about what our next steps might be. As much as I don't want to, I am.

This is kind of convoluted and it really does all go together - but, then again it doesn't.

Yesterday morning I had an appointment for my "supposed to be yearly" mammogram. I thought I'd only missed one or two but the records show I haven't been since 2006. Seriously? 2006? Who'da thunk it... Not me, that's for sure. I know in 2008 that I had an appointment and the day of it, they called and said their machine had broken. Since I had literally used up all of my PTO for Ron that year (before FMLA had kicked in), I didn't reschedule for that year, figuring that I'd make it up in 2009. I don't know what happened between 2009 and now but decided I better git'er done.

My doctor lives in the town we used to live in. Our bank is still in that town because my automatic deposits go there and our automatic withdrawals come out of there. I've been too busy to change banks. Over the last couple of months, I've done some usability studies and received three $100 checks for doing so. I've purposely saved them because Ron and I are taking a weekend "off" in October and going to Branson. Since I was going to be near the bank yesterday I decided I'd get them cashed. They had dates they had to be processed by and those dates were getting close so I didn't want to put it off. I also had another $100 check that was a refund from something else, so I had a total of $400. I put $100 in Ron's checking account (his Netflix account and 700 Club donation comes out of that account, and if he goes to the doctor without me he pays the doctor co-pay from there). That left $300. I had the teller give me one $100 bill, two $50 bills, and the rest in $20s. I put all of it into the inside zipper pocket of my purse.

On my way to work I saw a sign for a "HUGE" sale so decided I'd take a little detour and see if I could find some winter clothes for my WA grandkids. I scored. The lady had two girls and had literally never gotten rid of anything. I bought stuff for Katy, some little toys for Zachary, and things like burp cloths, receiving blankets, waterproof pads, bib, nightgown sacks, a musical crib toy (hangs on the side and plays music with lights and such), and a few other things for Anna (various sizes so as she grows there's things that Amy will readily have). I also bought one of those floor gyms that cost $50-$75 or more. It looked like it had barely been used. $7.00! I was thrilled and planned on leaving it at my house. It was similar to this, but not exactly:

My total was $45 and I gave the lady one of my $50 bills and she gave me a $5 bill back. I didn't even take any of the other money out of the zipper pocket. I put the $5 in my zipper pocket. I had so much stuff that the husband carried the box to my car. I thought the lady had put everything in the box. WRONG. I got home last night and was showing Ron the stuff and realized that the floor gym was missing. I was really disappointed because I'd really wanted it for me and it was such a good deal.

No problem, I think... I can go back on my lunch hour tomorrow (which was "today") and didn't really worry about it because I'd told the lady I lived about an hour away but worked in Wichita. I didn't know her name but I figured she'd hold it at least until the end of her sale.

Again... WRONG. I took the time to drive back to the sale today and discovered that it was closed. Totally locked up, no sign of anything and no one home. So, I took down the address so I could use reverse lookup to see if I could get a telephone number to call.

In the meantime, I decided that I was going to buy a hamburger because I'd taken a late lunch and was feeling very hungry. I reached into my zipper pocket and pulled out the folded bills. No $100 bill! GONE! I had the other $50, my $20s, and the $5. I know that I'd put them all in there and that the $100 was on the outside of the $20s. I was sick, just sick. I got back to my office and cleared everything out of my purse. It just wasn't there. We had an all-employees meeting yesterday for my group and parts of other groups on my floor (there had been three meeting times so at any given time, at least 1/3 of the people were away from their desks for 90 minutes). Because I knew I had extra cash in my purse, I made sure that it was safely in my desk drawer before I left for the meeting. Since I know I didn't spend it and I didn't take it out of my purse, the only thing can I come up with is that someone went through the cubicles looking for stuff to steal. I think the $20s were left behind to make it not as noticeable that money was taken.

I made a report, but really... there's nothing anyone can do. There aren't any cameras around and it's basically just my word that I had it. I can only hope that whoever ended up with it needed it worse than I did. Otherwise, it would just eat at me and it's not worth that.

Back to the garage sale lady... I got a phone number and called; got an answering machine so I left a detailed message. After work, Amy needed to run some errands and while we were in one of the stores the lady called me back. She felt really bad when she realized I hadn't gotten the item and held it back figuring I'd come "right back for it." Uh... I said I was on my way to work. And, I lived an hour away. When I didn't come back for it yesterday afternoon, she re-sold it this morning. SERIOUSLY??? I figured she'd at least hold it until her sale was over (she'd shut down early today because of an appointment but will be open tomorrow). She's really sorry and hopes that I'll forgive her and she'll be happy to refund my money. {sigh} Accidents do happen; I get that. I called her back and got her answering machine again. I was nice... I said I understood but figured she'd hold it until her sale was almost over (and at $7 she wouldn't have had trouble selling it - plus it had already been paid for!) and that I couldn't have figured out I didn't have it until I got home. By then, I would have had to wait until today to figure out her address/name and call her.

She'll be happy to refund my money. That won't get me the floor gym. Not even close.

All in all, it was a very expensive garage sale after all.

Randomness...

2011-09-29T21:19:00.000-05:00

I'm tired. I don't know how caretakers take care of everything on their plates. How do they maintain their sanity and keep a positive outlook? I certainly don't know. I'm sure they struggle - maybe as much as I do, maybe more, maybe less. Unless they're saints, I don't think most caretakers ever do everything they need to do without some kind of feelings of either insecurity, fatigue, or something...

Moving to our new location was necessary due to all of the circumstances we found ourselves in, but...

I'm now 45-50 minutes away from my job
I'm gone 10-11 hours each day
When I get home from work, I have dinner, laundry, any cleaning that needs to be done
Sometime during the week, Ron needs to get showered (ideally, more than once but I do what I can)

Speaking of Ron, I need to make sure that he can handle the activities of daily living (ADLs) each day.

Food, water. Some days, he tells me "all I had to eat today" stories. I leave stuff that he can eat - fruit, yogurt, frozen vegetables, things he can heat up, etc.
Medications. He does a pretty good job of taking his daily meds but some days he takes the evening dose instead of the morning dose. Or, he forgets to take them entirely and I'll catch him fixing to take his morning pills late enough in the day that he can't safely take his evening pills when he should.
Medical visits. We can get a ride to the doctors' offices if they're local and he's already been once. The cost is anywhere from $5 to $11 per trip. That's cheaper than me taking off from work or driving each direction more than once.
Knee surgery? The only way Ron is going to get any relief from is left knee is to have replacement surgery. I know there are risks involve and so does he. He will have to go to rehab until he can be mobile again. I cannot lift him or transfer him. I'm just not strong enough. He sees the new orthopedic surgeon on10/7.
Neurologist? He sees a new neurologist on 10/17 to find out if there's anything that can be done about the tremors. Ron shakes, sometimes so badly that he just can't even get up and walk. He's trying to wear his leg and get around but between the body shakes and the knee, it's a losing game.
What next? Today, he took Maisey out but got hung up on the ramp and could not get his wheelchair moved from where it was stuck. Since I wasn't here I don't know exactly how but I guess he was "high centered" and stuck. He ended up crawling out of the wheelchair onto the patio and back into the living room. He called the main building and asked for someone from maintenance to come and help get his wheelchair off the ramp. Maisey was outside loose so he was worried that she would run away.

Since he fell and had to have the stitches we've only managed to get him in the shower once. We had to wait until the stitches came out (that was 10 days) and then get a new shower chair. I ended up paying about $75 for one that is very sturdy and has very thick legs. It's heavy enough (and made well enough) that it's like lifting a weight to move it out of the tub so I can shower. LOL! The day we were doing the shower, Ron's sitting in his wheelchair and trying to slide his leg (his "good" leg) over the shower chair and try to pull himself over. It's hard to describe but the gist of it is there was no way it was going to work. None. I'm not strong enough and the room is not laid out in a way where that move would EVER be the way to go. Just not happening.

I had to say, "Ron, how many times do I have to tell you you have got to put your leg on the floor. You cannot slide across." Thank God, he doesn't try to shower by himself. I think I need to hire someone to come in at least once a week to help him with ADLs, at least the shower portion of it. But I'll need a giant of a man to do it. Don't know of "aids" that are men who I could hire, but I think I'm about to find out. Ron's friend, Chuck, is big enough and strong enough to help. He takes Ron out frequently and is great about taking him to the bathroom if they're out and he needs to go.

There are days when I'm having conversations with Ron and I think that he's perfectly fine (in the mind) and will be OK when he gets his knee fixed and the tremors taken care of. Other days, I have conversations with him and have to step back and analyze what he's saying. Or what he's not saying. He forgets little things that could be overlooked and missed by most people but I pay attention. He says that he's perfectly fine. He says things that make no sense and thinks he's funny. He says he's losing his mind and I have to agree. He is sometimes so far out in left field that I think I'm losing my mind.

Some days I'm sure that I'm losing my mind.

Getting turned on...

2011-09-22T22:22:00.000-05:00

Did I get your attention? Good...

Went to the ear surgeon today and he said everything looks good. In fact, it looks great. He did trim some more of my hair off (darn the luck) but said it was wrapping around the post. He told me that I might have to have it trimmed some more for a little while. I asked him if that would be an ongoing problem and he said that once I get the hearing processor and start wearing it, the hair shouldn't be a problem. For some reason, wearing the processor every day seems to keep the hair from attaching itself to the post.

But, I have a "turn on" date set for November 4. Barring any unforeseen complications, I will get the processor and have it programmed for me on November 4. I'm excited.

It's going to be a long six weeks. But, I think it will really pass pretty quickly.

My earliest cards

2011-09-18T11:06:00.002-05:00

My sister and my mom have been in the process of cleaning out my mom's cedar chest. She's been saving things and putting things away into that cedar chest for most of her adult life. It holds a lot of treasures, including such things as what she wore on her wedding day.

It also contains "treasures" that she received over the years from her children. I knew she probably saved some things (don't we all?), but with seven children it's hard to say how much she could realistically save from each of us.

Well, it seems that I've been doing handcrafted cards, complete with embellishments, way before it became the "in" thing to do. I don't even remember these items, so that tells you how old some of them must be.

This is a selection of cards that I made over the years. I "love" the tissue paper flower on the Mother's Day card:

For this card, I went all out. I think the best "touch" must be the artificial flowers that are STAPLED to the outside of the card.

The inside:

On Mother's Day 1964, I was not quite eight years old (would have been a little over three months until my birthday). Too funny... In retrospect, I did a pretty good job on this artwork for a seven year old.

Winner, winner - chicken dinner!

2011-09-17T17:39:00.000-05:00

Many thanks to my friend Colenic over at A Smile A Day. I was one of her winners and came home to find the nicest box of stuff you can imagine.
I actually got the box on Thursday, but my camera wasn't liking me so couldn't get this post done until today. It has been a really long, busy week so I was really excited to open the box.

Inside, I found a ton of loot:
Happy face cup
Happy face trophy
Happy face lapel pins
Happy face magnets (Isaiah loved these; he loves to rearrange the magnets on my fridge)
Maine ornament
Maple Syrup (I LOVE maple syrup!!!!)
"Green" guy (I wasn't sure what he was but Maisey likes him)

Aren't those happy faces just the cutest thing? I thought so, too!

Thank you very much Nic!!! You made my day (and week).

September 11

2011-09-11T06:00:00.008-05:00

It's hard to believe that it's been 10 years since our nation faced the greatest tragedy to occur on our soil since the Confederate War. So much has happened since then, but like every other adult I know, I know exactly where I was and what I was doing.

I wrote a post in September 2008 regarding 9/11. I went back today and re-read it. I don't think that I'd change much if I were to write it today. As much as I don't want to remember that day, and the ones following, there just isn't any way to not remember. I don't want to ever forget.

The television has been doing in-depth coverage of many of the heroes of that day. Because I was on Amy ship (at sea), we didn't have access to the news feeds. Once we got back to port, a lot of the news footage had been "locked down" because it was deemed to distressing to watch. So, I didn't see many of the actual footage scenes for many years. The images I did see are forever seared in my mind.

I can't even imagine the horror and the nightmares experienced by those who witnessed it all first-hand.

Saying "thank you" to those who were the heroes of that day and every day since seems so ineffective and just not enough, but it's all I've got.

Baby shower decorations

2011-09-10T12:21:00.001-05:00

The shower decorations are coming along nicely. I went to Michael's last night for glue and ribbon, Walmart for sucker sticks to mount my cutouts, diapers ,and a baby receiving blanket (ended up finding a few basket stuffer items), and Dollar Tree for shred and floral foam.

Although I still have the banner to make and some small table decorations, I'm pretty close to being ready to just sit back and not worry about the next two weeks. I have purchased the plates and napkins, but no plastic table ware or cups to drink out of. Amy and Rex are helping with some of the expenses because it's kind of expensive to host a nice shower, or party of any kind, these days. I still have a cake (or cupcakes) to get ordered and some kind of punch to drink. Because of where we live, we can use the center's recreation room for free, which saves about $75 dollars.

I'm not sure exactly where these decorations will go, but the stork will for sure go on the gift table. The other two will probably go on the "food" tables.

The stork was cut with my Cricut New Arrival cartridge and then layered for strength. I ended up putting his neck on a sucker stick and sliding that down into the package. I made his bow and tied that on around his neck and the stick for added stability. The other bow is one that Michael's had on clearance for $1.99 (I couldn't have made it for that price). His receiving blanket package is filled with diapers.

This basket was supposed to be done to look like a bathtub, but it just wasn't the right shape and I couldn't find one that was. So, I decided to use it as a gift basket instead and put in things that add up in cost, but are things you might not think about needing. I made the bow and used diapers in the bottom as filler. Then, I put in some floral foam for my items that are standing up. They're glued to the sucker sticks and then those are stuck down into the foam. On top of that, I added shred to hide all the "hardware" needed to put it together. It's got two headbands (with bows), bedtime lotion, body wash, socks, alcohol-free hand sanitizer, nail clippers/files, stuffed hippo and giraffe. I picked those up because they are very close to the animals on her invitations and on her bedding. I just couldn't resist them.

This basket has all of my Cricut cut-outs in it. I used the New Arrival cartridge again. I used grocery bags as filler and then added my floral foam for the sucker sticks. The cut-outs are glued to them and then attached to the foam. On top of that, I added shred and some iridescent shred (I added that after this picture was taken). It's kind of hard to see everything, but there is a bathtub and duck behind the rattle, the circle in the middle is a cut-out of booties, then the right side has a bottle in front and two onesies behind it. The safety pins are attached to one of the diapers. The three "heads" are attached to soft rattles and I got them because they matched the other animals.

Amy loves them and was very impressed that I was able to find the animals. Actually I was, too.

Next up, the banner. I'm leaning toward using the baby bottle as my background and then adding Anna to it. Once they're made, then I'll attach the letters together with ribbon. That's the initial plan. It may change after I cut out a bottle or two. I'm thinking 4.5 inches wide by 9 inches tall. That will leave room for the letters to be 3 x 5 and still fit.

Thursdays Things in a Row

2011-09-08T21:36:00.001-05:00

I decided to join Pat this week because I happen to have some great pictures of things in a row. We have some very dear friends who we've known for about 15 years and who recently opened a cupcake shop near Oklahoma City. The store is called Cupcake Heaven OKC and is located in a major mall in Edmond, OK.

Kenni (the wife) is a fabulous cook and has the knack for creating fabulous things. She's frequently tasted things that were rich in taste and high-calorie, sugary ingredients - and then re-created them with still the rich taste, but with lower calorie and less sugary ingredients. She's made many things for Ron over the years that he absolutely loved and even though they were sugar-free, you never would have noticed what was missing because of all the greatness that wasn't.

Don't those look delicious?

They were... The front middle and right were sugar-free chocolate with whipped cream frosting. The front left was "birthday cake" with butter cream frosting. The back left was Red Velvet with chocolate ganache filling and chocolate cream cheese frosting. The back middle and right were OMG Chocolate (chocolate cake, chocolate chips, chocolate ganache filling, chocolate chip chocolate buttercream frosting).

Man (or woman) down!

2011-09-08T20:33:00.000-05:00

Seems I had a follower decide to leave the nest over the weekend. Sad to see anyone go, but that makes me appreciate all of you who do stick it out (and have stuck it out) with me. As I looked back over my blog for the last 3+ years, I read and re-read a lot of the posts and a lot of the comments.

You all are great! You give me your ears, your shoulders, and your unconditional love and support. I truly appreciate it. I'd say I couldn't do it without you and even though it does help (tremendously!) to have bloggy friends, in order to maintain what little sanity I have left, I probably would keep right on writing.

But, that is not an invitation to leave me! On the contrary - please stay! I promise to.... to... oh, what the heck - I can't make promises that I might have trouble keeping. I can't promise to not make people mad and I can't promise to always see eye-to-eye with everyone. But, I can promise that I'll always tell the truth and never write anything with the intention of making people mad.

It's Thursday evening and I'm enjoying a quiet night with Ron watching television. His leg looks good. His stitches are suppose to come out on Monday morning. One of the Villa volunteers will take him so I don't have to miss work. It's a great blessing to have the resources of volunteers here. There is a small fee, but way less than how much in wages that I'd lose. It's worth it all.

Have a great one!

Much better day...

2011-09-07T19:42:00.000-05:00

I have to admit, I let hurt feelings overshadow the whole reason I wanted to have a baby shower for Amy. There's a baby to celebrate! That should take precedence over everything and I should not let the other stuff bother me. One thing that I tried to explain to my nephew's wife was that it was just the culmination all the years of me doing for them and feeling like I got nothing in return. I got it off my chest. I think she "gets" what I was saying. I know that what happens in my family is important in the lives of the people who truly matter to me, and that's all that matters in the long run.

On another note, we got our insurance explanation of benefits for my surgery today. Wow! My insurance company got off cheap! The bill... $38,644.56. Provider Write-off...$29,666.59. Insurance paid... $7,776.71. My portion? $1,198.26. That's amazing. I bet they won't give "me" a write-off of nearly 80%. That would mean I'd pay less than $250. Seems only fair, right? LOL! (Just kidding - but I can dream, eh?) As if that would happen. I can afford to make $50 per month payments so it'll take me a while to get that taken care of. But, that's OK. It will be all worth it.

I've been working on the centerpieces for the shower. They're not complete and I have a couple of other things to do, but here are the beginnings of them.

The basket on the left (with "It's a Girl" tag) will have floral foam in the bottom, with a shred cover over it. The items in the 2nd picture are going to be on floral picks and arranged in the basket, along with baby toiletry items. The basket on the right (with the baby) is going to be transformed into what "hopefully" will look like a bathtub. I have some more work to do for it, for sure.

Then, I also have a big "stork" that will be attached to a pink blanket full of diapers and made to look like it's delivering a pink bundle of joy.

That's the plan, anyway!

More work on them will go on this weekend.

I have a bitter taste in my mouth

2011-09-05T16:24:00.004-05:00

I've lived in or around Wichita, KS since January of 1984. In that time, there have been 26 Christmases, 26 Thanksgivings, countless birthdays, 2 weddings (plus 1 reception), two baby showers (one for Amy and one for Shaun/Jenny), and many other events.

I have (had) six siblings. After the death of my oldest sister in 2001, that leaves five siblings. Most of them have lived in or around the Kansas City area during this whole time (Kris lived in CA and WA for several years, then western KS, and then in Wichita for a while) and they each have children. If they had a birthday party for their children, and my kids were invited - we went. If one of them had Thanksgiving dinner, and we were invited - we went unless we were absolutely unavailable (out of town or sick). If there was any kind of family celebration (be it Christmas, Thanksgiving, Memorial Day or Labor Day cookout) - and we were invited - we went. Christmas morning at my house was a flurry of activity - hurry up and open presents so we could get on the road to KC, no matter the weather or our financial situation. If I wanted my kids to have a birthday party with their cousins, we packed up the stuff and drove to KC to do it. It's roughly 3-4 hours one way (depending on the speed limit and how many stops you make), plus toll charges (currently over $15 round-trip), plus at least one tank of gas for the round trip. It's the same amount of time and money for me to drive it as it would be for those coming from KC to drive it. Do they think that I LIKE the distance? Or the money it costs?

Want to know how many weddings we’ve driven to KC and/or Topeka for? One got married in New Jersey so that was a "no" (but Amy went). One got married in Vegas so that was a "no" (that was a 2nd wedding that no one was invited to; we didn't make it to the first one but I don't remember why). One got married in Topeka, which I attended. One got married in KC, which I attended. None of the others are married.

Baby showers? Amy and I have been to most of them. We've missed Brandy's (Kris’ daughter) but we were unavailable for that one. I spear-headed one for my Topeka niece who lived in England at the time and we surprised her mom with a Web cam shower so she could see and participate in the activities (Amy and I both attended). I did miss my nephew’s 2nd baby shower but attended the first one (Amy and I both attended). Amy’s baby shower (for Isaiah in 2003) and Jenny’s baby shower (for Alexander in 2007) were held in KC so people could/would come.

Want to know how many times someone from MY family has been to my house (or Wichita)?

Oldest brother (lives in KC) - never to my house but came to Amy's first wedding in 2003
Deceased sister - twice (her youngest son and his family came to Amy's wedding reception in August 2010 because Amy had been to their NJ wedding; they live in KC)
Next brother (Topeka) - more times (maybe 5) but he also stayed with us for a while one winter while he was working a job in Wichita and came to Amy's first wedding (but his wife did not)
Younger brother (Bonner Springs) - this one is harder but I'm thinking twice - once for my 50th birthday and once for Amy's wedding in 2003
Next younger sister (lives in KC; the one who now doesn't speak to me) - once when we lived in Wichita, Amy's 2003 wedding, my 50th birthday, and one other time to see our new house (but my BIL's sister lived less than a mile away and they actually came to town to see her)
Youngest sister (Kris - lives in KC) - more times than I can count. Kris is the one that I could always count on to come no matter what the celebration was. She's come for Christmas dinner (after our kids were grown), Thanksgiving dinner, Amy's graduation for her BS and her MBA degrees, and any other reason you could think of in between. She's usually who I stay with when I go to KC and she always stays at my house when she comes here.

My Bonner Springs brother was within 30 minutes of my house (this summer) TWICE and didn’t even call. If he didn’t want to drive an hour (round-trip) out of his way, he could have called and asked us if “we” were interested in driving to Wichita to meet somewhere for lunch or dinner (or whatever meal time would have been close). It would have been a 30+ minute trip for us one-way, but we would have been glad to do it.

You want to know what the rub is for me right now? My oldest KC brother has already said that my SIL can't (won't) come to Amy's baby shower because it's "too damn far." My Bonner Springs brother's wife probably won't come because she's got a "girl's weekend planned at a friend's place in Breckenridge; she's been before but it's been planned for a while." Younger KC sister won't come because I'm pond scum in her eyes. My Topeka brother's wife won't come because her daughter can't come (gas is too expensive and they're saving money to go visit her husband's family in England - his mom's health isn't very good; I've already told her I completely understand the position she's in with that and no problem). I've not heard from the wife of one nephew, but sincemy oldest KC brother's wife isn't coming, then she won't either. The other one isn’t coming, because it’s too far to drive. (The next weekend would have been a more convenient weekend for me but I picked the 24th because she requested me to do so; the original weekend is her daughter’s 1st birthday and she didn’t want people to have to choose. Looks like it wouldn’t have mattered anyway. The KC people will be able to attend that one because it’s in town.)

My mom will come if she's feeling up to it (she's very frail; 81 years old and just doesn't do road trips very well) and Kris will for sure come. Kris' daughter (Brandy) will try to come if there's any way she can. But, if Kris and Brandy want to come, and my mom feels like coming, they'd have to bring two cars. So, that means Brandy won't be able come. I honestly think some people are choosing to NOT come because they MIGHT be asked to bring Mom. They'd all rather just assume that Kris can take care of it. That makes everything nice and easy (for them) and tidy. They don't have to be put on the spot if she should {gasp!} ask them for a ride. Pathetic. And, very selfish. My oldest brother and his wife are both retired. What would it hurt them to offer to bring Mom to Amy's shower? Nothing. The one person who has the least amount of money in the whole family is the one that everyone just expects she'll drop everything to take care of Mom.

Want to know who WILL come to Amy’s baby shower? Rex’s family, who lives over 4 hours away near the border of Colorado and western Kansas, will come. Maybe his sister, who does live in Colorado, but she has a newborn so it may be too much of a day trip for them. Ron’s ex-wife will come, along with “our” daughter (Stacey) and her girls (Faith and Mariah). My step-son’s ex-wife (Katie) and her daughter (Shelby) are planning. My ex-husband and his family will probably come from Nebraska (about 4 hours away).

You'd think I'd be used to my family not giving a rat's ass about my children but I was really hoping that this extra special occasion would be different. I realize it's a 3+ hour drive one way (yeah, because I make it all the time for THEIR activities) but I hoped that there would be some car-pooling going on so no one had to foot the entire bill alone. I'm surprised that no one has suggested I have two showers - one here for the people willing to drive here (Rex's side of the family) and one there. No thanks. That's what I've done for 27 years. I’m insulted on Amy’s behalf. It’s not like she’s popping out babies left and right and she’s waited a long time to have a baby so I really hoped people would be willing to put out more of an effort because of the specialness of the occasion. Amy has either attended or sent gifts or gift cards for more things than I can count.

The absolute truth of it is that neither of us want people to feel like they’re obligated or put on the spot. We’d like for people to come because they WANT to. Because they care about family.

Oh, wait… that’s just KC family. Out-of-towners don’t count.

And yeah, I'm bitter about it. 27 years worth of bitter.

My Memories Digital Scrapbooking

2011-09-05T09:53:00.000-05:00

Just a reminder to go visit my Paper blog to enter the Digital Scrapbook software! It costs nothing to enter and you just might be the winner! The software is very easy to use and there are tons of absolutely FREE images and backgrounds you can use to create the cutest things.

I created this cute "pretend" Halloween party invitation yesterday from a free download:

Once you create a "layout" you can export it to a JPEG image and use it in other ways, such as printed greeting cards, invitations, photos to send to loved ones. The only limit is your imagination but even that gets help because of the online support and ideas gallery.

So, what have you got to loose???

Friday fun

2011-09-04T12:23:00.001-05:00

Two ambulance calls in two months. What must the neighbors be thinking??? This one wasn't nearly as "convenient" time-wise, either. This one was at 10:30 at night.

Ron is fine, but he sure scared the living daylights out of me Friday night. And, it's all my fault (in a weird sort of way). Accidents happen, but if I hadn't insisted on him taking a shower, the accident wouldn't have happened.

We have a really small bathroom. It's barely big enough for him to go straight in with his wheelchair and back out. If he's really careful, he can turn around (very slowly) and drive out forward-facing. These units were built in the 1970s and although designed for retirees, handicap accessibility wasn't really something that was focused on back then. The bathtub was converted to a "step-through" shower but there's still a little lip there. In order to use the shower, Ron has to drive his wheelchair straight into the bathroom and then slowly turn until it's setting at an angle. There was only one shower seat that would fit in the shower but I made sure that it was rated for up to 300 pounds. When Ron is retaining fluid, he can go from 260 to 290 in just a matter of days.

Transferring to the shower seat is tricky. He doesn't stand up very well on his good leg (that only has 1/2 foot) because his knee has arthritis really badly. He needs surgery on it but no one wants to really tackle it because of his other health problems. He's in better shape [overall] now than he's been in a long time, but still not in a position where surgery is a good idea. So, because he doesn't stand very well, he has a tendency to push down really hard on the side of any chair that is closest to him. That puts a little "twist" to the structure of that side of the chair. One day (when he was home alone and showered), he noticed that the seat seemed to give a little bit under him. We both "fixed" the screws that seemed to be loose and then didn't really think anymore about it. I did tell him that I didn't want him to attempt a shower without me being home.

We were scheduled to go to visit Oklahoma City with a friend on Saturday to visit some other friends who have recently relocated there and have opened a cupcake bakery (yummy stuff...). So, I told Ron that he should shower and I'd be there to help him in case there was a problem. He got into the shower with no problem. I arranged the shower curtain so he didn't get water all over the floor and then started going about the business of getting his things ready for the next day.

Suddenly, I hear him yell that the shower seat has collapsed under him. The structure had weakened because of the way he transfers and it just couldn't take it any longer. I rushed in and held the chair up while we got him rinsed off and then I got his wheelchair positioned so he could transfer. I just wasn't strong enough to help him get high enough to slide from the shower chair to the wheelchair. I thought we were there and he suddenly slipped out of my grasp. He didn't hit hard and we were able to get him up and in his wheelchair in a matter of moments.

Just in that amount of time, I saw blood starting to pool on the floor and at first I thought he'd re-opened a scratch on the top of his foot (he constantly hits that portion of his 1/2 foot on his wheelchair wheels when he's transferring). All of a sudden, I realized that blood was rapidly falling and there was no way it was coming from his foot. (This is in the space of just a matter of seconds - not even more than a minute had passed.) I went to turn his leg over so I could see what he'd cut (still thinking he'd cut it on his wheelchair because that was the only thing with any sharp surfaces) and realized that he had a huge gash down his shin, just to the left of the center bone. It was bleeding very heavily. I grabbed his washcloth and stuck it on there, all the while saying, "Oh my God! Oh my God! You've got a terrible cut!" I told him I was calling an ambulance and he asked me to call Rex (son-in-law) first. While we waited for Rex to get there, we'd gone through two washcloths, so I grabbed a towel from the linen closet and two rolls of gauze (thankfully, the big thick rolls that were left over from when I used to have to do foot dressing changes). We had two rolls left and I used them both.

The part with the red box is what sliced his leg open. I think the real issue was the pressure against it as he slid down and the fact that his skin is so thin from diabetes and other health issues. It's not sharp. In fact, it's purposely designed to be safe for older Americans and people who have trouble getting into and out of a traditional bathtub.

About that time, Rex arrived and realized that we really couldn't get Ron out of the bathroom without him putting pressure on the wound (by standing) so he said to call an ambulance. I was crying because it was cut so badly and I felt like it was my fault. What if he lost his leg just because I insisted on a shower??? It would be all my fault. Poor Ron, he was so worried about me because I was so stressed. I don't do blood very well, but I do know how to react in an emergency. I may sound panicky on the phone, but it's not because I don't know what to do, but because I'm afraid for the person (usually Ron) that I'm calling an ambulance for.

In a matter of minutes, our house was full of emergency personnel (10:45 pm) and because I'd told 911 that it was a bad cut, they were all prepared to have to do pressure bandage. They were impressed that I'd been "with it" enough to put a pressure bandage on with the towel and gauze rolls. (The towel I grabbed was a "Sham wow!" towel and it really absorbed the blood and helped keep it from pouring out more.) They didn't have to change the bandage at all.

The hospital was very impressed with it, too. It wasn't quite as deep as I'd thought but he cut an arterial vein that was pumping blood out with every heartbeat. In other words, if I hadn't been there, he would have (could have) bled to death. Of course, if I hadn't been there it wouldn't have happened at all because he wouldn't have taken a shower without me being present. The physician's assistant sewed on his leg for over an hour. He's got 15 stitches on the outside of his leg and about 15 in the next level. But... she sewed for over 30 minutes on the inside in just one place (the vein) and at one time, told the doctor that she'd put in about six different types of stitches in one small area and it was still bleeding. He had her do one more type; she asked him if the thickness of the sutures would be a problem and he said no. Based on what I saw her doing, and how long it took, we estimate he's got between 50-100 stitches in the wound (counting all of the levels and the stitches in the vein area).

We got home about 1:30 am and Ron insisted on going to OKC to visit our friends. Even though he didn't walk much, he wore his brace which helped keep the leg immobilized. Once he took the brace off, he's been unable to put any weight on it. (That makes a difficult transfer even more difficult.)

Ron wanted me to take a picture of it BEFORE it was sewed up. No thanks... I'd seen enough when I was putting the bandage on it that there was NO WAY I was going to stand there long enough to take a picture just so he could see it. He did watch them sew him up, which totally gave me the heeby-jeebies. I don't watch anything surgery related. (How I worked in the medical field I'll never know.) Then, he wanted me to take a picture of it AFTER it was sewed up. I did that so he could see it but I know there are people who read my blog who don't want to see "sewing" on someones body part.

But, I will post a picture of the bandaged leg.

It doesn't look bad in the bandage.

55

2011-08-29T21:54:00.002-05:00

I remember when that used to be the speed limit on the interstate highways. Does that date me? Probably, but that’s OK.

55, in this instance, just happens to be how old I am today. At some places, that will get me a “senior citizen discount.” Funny, I don’t necessarily think I feel like a senior citizen, but I’m willing to take the discount. LOL! In this day of high costs, I’ll take any discount that I can get.

Today doesn’t seem to be a very happy day for me. I’m not distressed to think that I’m 55. It’s just a number. But, being 55 puts me closer to the age where how old I am does matter. It’s sort of a melancholy day – a day of reflection and looking deep within me to see what’s there, even though I’m not sure that I want to find out.

As I look back at all the birthdays, I’m reminded of some very happy days. As a child, we each got to pick what kind of cake we wanted for our birthdays. I always picked chocolate cake, chocolate frosting, and coconut on top. Always. One year, we didn’t have two chocolate cake mixes so my sister made a marble cake instead – half white and half chocolate. I was not happy. I didn’t have a hissy fit or anything like that, but I did not like it nearly as well as ALL chocolate. I can say that I’m not nearly as picky in my “old age” as I was then. I still prefer chocolate but if someone made me a marble, white, lemon, or any other flavor of cake I wouldn’t turn it down.

I wrote a post last year that is as true today as it was then. I have earned these lines and gray hair. I’ve experienced deep joy and extreme sorrow. I’ve learned what it means to truly love someone, and to have someone truly love me. I’ve had the joy and deep contentment that being a parent and grandparent brings. I’ve loved and lost, but that is infinitely better than never loving at all. I’ve gained new friends and lost touch with friends over the years. I’ve experienced as much in my life as I possibly could have. But, I sometimes wonder if I played it too safe and what would life have been if I’d kicked up my heels a bit and struck out on my own earlier in life. I had several paths that I could have taken but there were times that I let others make the decision for me on which path to take. What about my life would be different if I’d chosen differently???

As a kid, we didn’t really have “birthday parties” in the sense that we had friends over, played games, and had cake/ice cream and presents. It was more of a small family affair with cake/ice cream after supper that evening. I did parties for my younger siblings but no one really did one for me (guess they just didn’t think of it). So, for my 40th birthday, Amy planned a surprise party for me. She almost pulled it off, too except a couple of days before the party, Ron mentioned that we didn’t need to mail his child support because we’d see his ex-wife later that week. Hmmm… we didn’t usually see her during the week but I let it slide and did my best to be surprised when I came home.

For my 50th birthday, Amy planned another surprise. She did a great job and no one told me anything. I just had a suspicion that she was up to something. She swears that Keith or Ron spilled the beans but no one said anything. I got suspicious when I was going to go downstairs to her closet to get a purse (we shared purses, switching with whatever was empty at the time) and she flew up out of her chair and said she’d go get it. I said that was fine and thought, "hmmm… wonder what she’s got up her sleeve?” As it got closer to my birthday, I jokingly asked her if she was going to call my friend Debbie (who lives in southern Missouri) and invite them to our house. I also asked her if Shaun and Jenny were coming home on leave. She denied but she knew I was on to her. It was a great, great, GREAT party! Amy made me a special scrapbook (I’d never made one for myself – just for others) that I treasure. Many of my friends from church came, Debbie and her husband (Herb) did come, and Shaun and Jenny were there, as nearly all of my immediate family – including one brother (and spouse), two sisters (one with spouse), several nieces and nephews. At one time, we had over 50 people in our house. It was great. I said I had so much fun that I was going to have to repeat it so I could have that much fun again.

Looking back, I’m glad that I am on the path I’m on. Many of the other choices would not have brought many of the most important people I know across my path or into my life. That would have been so much worse than anything else that I “might” have missed out on if I’d gone a different direction in life.

This past Saturday was my mom’s 81st birthday. We went to Kansas City and took her to lunch. She had a good time and it was nice to see her get out. Keith wanted her to meet his girlfriend so I drove and we took Isaiah (Ron didn’t feel very good so he stayed home). It was a much quieter celebration than her 80th birthday had been but since several of my siblings took her out individually she got to celebrate for the whole weekend instead.

Today, I had lots of birthday wishes on my Facebook profile, which was very nice. I got up to several messages and then received several more throughout the day. That made the day really nice. I figured that Ron and I would just spend a quiet evening at home since he's not felt his best, but my kids had other plans.

Keith and Lindsay, Amy and Isaiah, and Ron and I went to the local Mexican restaurant for dinner. The food is good, the company was great, and the prices are very fair. Isaiah picked out a bouquet of roses for me and a chocolate cake. And, he got me a really cute card.

It was a very good day.

Digital Scrapbooking

2011-08-28T19:51:00.000-05:00

If you've ever thought about, or used, or want to use software for digital scrapbooking, then go check out the giveaway I'm currently hosting on my paper blog.

http://www.seriouslyitsjustpaper.com/2011/08/my-memories-digital-scrapbooking.html

Entry is simple and everyone is a winner because even if you don't win the free copy you'll still get a discount on your purchase.

Thanks!

The shower invitations are FINISHED!

2011-08-27T07:52:00.000-05:00

And, ready to be mailed or hand-delivered. I may need to make a few more (but they will be much simpler), but I have 26 ready to go. Someone is getting the prototype but only because I was at the end of the current list, and short one. So, off it goes. That means I don't have one for myself or one to take to work, but I'm going to keep Amy's copy for a while and take it in Monday to show the "girls" I work with (who care... hehehe - some don't and I won't punish them).

The giraffe is cut from Birthday Bash (4"), the hippo from Create a Critter (2.5" - I think), and the bottle from New Arrival (circle, shift at 1.75"). On the Birthday Bash cartridge, the giraffe has on roller skates. That just wasn't going to cut it for a baby shower, so I cut them off. I put the layers together first and then did the cuts for each giraffe one at a time. Time consuming to get the legs just how I wanted them but they look more "child like" now. One of the other cartridges I have also has a giraffe with legs that look like this, but the body was all wrong. I decided this one would be the easiest to modify.

This is Amy's copy of the card. I punched a hole into each of the registry cards and threaded a ribbon through it. Then, I put those inside the card so when the card is opened, the card can be slid out and kept for shopping purposes. The ribbon will help locate it in a wallet or purse. I added a jewel to the giraffe's neck and to the hippo's hip. The ribbon and bow finish out the additions from the prototype. Those additions really dressed the cards up.

The whole group. I decided to do the baby bottle cut-out instead of the baby shower words. I just didn't have enough time to cut those delicate letters out (twice) and affix them to the card. This was much simpler. The bottle is cut at 1.75 inches and the green circle is a 2 inch punch. The cards actually have a variety of ribbons. I had less of the green (on the card) than I thought, and we're 45 minutes away from the closest store to buy that ribbon. I had to make do with what I had in my ribbon stash so that is why there you see more than one color and style of ribbon as the decorations. But, I can truly say that the cards are one-of-a-kind (mostly). Ron wanted me to stamp each one "Limited Edition; # of 25" on the back.

I know Amy loves them. What do you think? I'd love to hear your comments.

Happy Anniversary

2011-08-20T00:01:00.002-05:00

August 20, 1984

Who would have that that just 19 days after meeting someone on an arranged date, that I’d be getting married to him? Definitely not me, that’s for sure. I’d been down the marriage road before and it had not been a pleasant ride. I got two great kids from it, but that’s about all I was taking away with me. I have to say that I had some nice memories, family times and trips, holidays, etc. but the nice memories just didn’t make up for the other things that had been a part of the first marriage. Ron had also been married before and would have still been married, except his wife divorced him because she was in love with someone else (she’s married to him now).

Along with our children, we brought other things into this union. We brought the promise to always be honest with each other, to always treat each other with respect, to honor each other in front of our children, to support each other, and to present a united front. We promised to never go to bed angry. We promised to never trash each other in front of other friends and family because we both knew that even though we might be speaking out of frustration, those who loved us would have a harder time forgiving and forgetting. I can’t say we were successful 100% of the time, but we each gave 100% and did the best that we could with the equipment and experience that we had.

But, as is common in a lot of 2nd marriages, we also brought some baggage. We didn’t always communicate our wishes well. Sometimes we made decisions based on what we “thought” the other person wanted – decisions that sometimes turned out to NOT be what the other person wanted. Sometimes we let the other person make decisions that we knew in the bottom of our hearts would turn out badly – and sometimes they did. We tried to not say “I told you so,” but sometimes that sentiment came through loud and clear even if the words were not spoken. Sometimes we didn’t do things that we wished we would have and sometimes we did things that we wished we hadn’t. We didn’t take our children to places that maybe we should have or done some of the things with them or for them that we could have.

We tried to always tell our children that we loved them, even when they were being disciplined (that didn’t always happen but we tried). We tried to discipline with integrity instead out of anger. Sometimes we failed. Children don’t come with handbooks and there were times that we were not the best parents we could have been. In fact, there were times when we were miserable examples of parenthood. As I look at my children (as adults), I’m amazed that they are not only productive members of society, but also adults who don’t look back on their childhoods and say how badly we failed them. We know there were times we failed them, but I think they also realize that they will also (as parents) fail at times. As adults, it’s easier to look back at childhoods and see that sometimes what parents thought was the best wasn’t always, but that doesn’t mean that the parents didn’t do the best that could be done under the circumstances.

We also promised “for richer or for poorer,” “for better or for worse,” “in sickness and in health.” We’ve lived all of those and know what kind of stress and strain they can put on a relationship. We’ve had our patience and our faith tested on a regular basis. We’ve walked through the fire and come out victorious on the other side. We’ve relied on each other when there was no one else. We’ve truly discovered what it means to be “as one.”

The past 27 years have not all been a bed of roses and they’ve not all been easy. We’ve made a lot of mistakes along the way. I can look back on them and say the good has outweighed the bad, no matter what has happened.

There is one thing I definitely would not change for all of the riches of the world, the ease that wealth and privilege would buy.

That’s saying “I do.”

Happy Anniversary to my best friend, the love of my life, my true soul-mate.

Updates

2011-08-18T20:54:00.001-05:00

I'm not functioning on all cylinders yet, so when I get home from work I'm pretty bushed. I've tried to read and comment, but not spent much time working on my own blogs. I posted a BAHA update for anyone who is interested. According to the doctor, it's healing well. According to the picture I took of it, it's ugly. I mean scary ugly. He did warn me that it would not be pretty as it was healing and he was not kidding. I just feel sorry for the people who walk behind me. There's just no way for me to hide it. I am not supposed to block the air from circulating around, which is supposed to help the healing. My neck is really stiff. It's hard to find a comfortable position for it. Hopefully, this won't last much longer.

Work is going well. The stress level seems to be down. The conversation I had with my boss seems to have helped all the way around. I'm still not sure what the future holds, but for now I'm happy that I don't have to live in absolute fear each day. That by itself has helped.

Amy and Rex had their 4-D sonogram yesterday. It's pretty exciting to see a good representation of what the baby will look like. I think she's going to look like Rex with Amy's coloring (hehe - this was a joke about the coloring; one of Amy's friends posted that "she looks just like Rex but with your coloring" on Amy's FB - cracked me up). Hopefully, she'll also have Amy's eyes.

I created the baby shower invitation last weekend (the prototype) and Amy liked it, so this weekend I'll start making them for real. I am not sure, but I'm planning on at least 30. I posted a picture of the prototype on the "paper" blog, which is based on Anna's bedding.

I think they will turn out very nicely once I add the ribbon (which I forgot to buy at Michael's the other day, so I haven't made any more). On the inside, I have to put directions, the party information, and baby registry information. I think some of it may be on a tag that will just fit inside the card. That way, I can print them off on the computer and then just cut them out. We'll see.

On another note, Isaiah's school lost him on the first day of school. It all worked out well but for a good laugh go check out his blog to read how it played out.

A funny for you

2011-08-10T13:20:00.000-05:00

My son-in-law is an agricultural engineer and designs engines for big agricultural implements. Think John Deere, but a different company.

The last couple of days he was out of town at a trade show for his company where one of his designs was featured. He holds five different patents (for his company) on this engine, one of which is for the cooling system. Of the two features that were displayed for this particular piece of machinery, Rex's designs were discussed at length, whereas the other feature was just mentioned in passing.

Later, Rex was wandering around the booths and happened upon a salesman for a distributorship of these implements. The salesman volunteered comments about the cooling system, saying, "They really made a big deal over this cooling system, but I'm not really sure about the validity. Now, if it had been designed in Europe, maybe it'd be a big deal. But it was designed here in the states and I've heard that another company is working on it too and not having any luck. Who knows if it even works like they say."

Rex said, "I know the engineer who designed this and I'm quite sure that I got it right. It's been in testing for over three years."

Open mouth, insert foot. Heck, insert both feet.

I would have loved to see the look on that salesman's face when he realized he was insulting the designer directly to the designer's face - without realizing it. The problem with the other company is that they're not trying to see if it works the way Rex designed it, but they're trying to re-design it so they can by-pass his patent and manufacture it themselves without paying the patent-infringement fees.

BAHA tab

2011-08-08T21:09:00.000-05:00

You may have noticed that I added some new tabs to my page. I'm not done with the "About Me," "Awards," or "Buttons" tabs and the "BAHA" tab is an on-going work.

In case you're interested, feel free to read the story on the BAHA tab but be prepared that it does contain pictures. Nothing too terribly graphic, but if you're queasy you might want to read just the beginning and stop after the picture of me immediately following surgery. The rest of the pictures will show the BAHA site as it heals.

I'm in the process of documenting my quest to hear again, beginning with when I recognized that I suffered from vertigo, the issues with getting a diagnosis, and the progression to where I am today.

I've (also) caught a butterfly!

2011-08-06T15:16:00.000-05:00

Diane, over at Southamsdarling, blessed me the other day with a new award - The Butterfly Award.

To accept the award, I have to do the following:
1. Refer back to the person who gave me the award. (see above)
2. Answer the questions (below).
3. Pass it on.

Questions:

Name your favorite color: Pink and Purple

Name your favorite song: This is difficult because I love so many, but I think my current favorite is from The Oak Ridge Boys, Did I Make a Difference. You can listen to it here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ocP23KvANA8

Name your favorite dessert: Anything with chocolate: Ice cream, cake, etc.

What whizzes you off? Liars, cheats, petty backstabbers.

Your favorite pet: Although we currently have a little Yorkie named Maisey, I think my favorite would be a Silky terrier named Missy. I was "her" human and she loved me. Someone stole her.

Black or white: Nothing is ever truly black or white.

Biggest fear: Becoming unable to continue to care for Ron at home.

Best feature: that's hard... not sure what that would be. I like to think it's generosity or kindness, but I can be a real b*tch sometimes, too.

Everyday attitude: The glass is always at least half full. I care for others and usually try to put others' needs before my own. Not always successful, but I try.

What is perfection: God's love and the love of His Son. After that, the love/kiss/embrace of my any of my grandkids. Spending time with my husband and family.

Guilty pleasure: Do they have to make me feel guilty?

Pass it on:

Green Girl in Wisconsin - as the only female in an all male household, I think she needs an award.
Kathy's Kampground Kapers - Kathy runs a great little place to visit and park your RV or just tent camp. She deals with some of the strangest people I've ever heard of. Butterfly award would be good for her.
Knees and Paws - Jenny is a very sweet lady who has the sweetest little plush accessories for kids.

If you haven't visited these blogs, I recommend that you hop right on over and pass them a visit! Be sure to let them know that I sent you along.

Here I am...

2011-08-03T11:14:00.000-05:00

Yesterday was really a pretty easy day. I must have had a ton of people praying for me and for me to not have any anxiety, because I did not. I didn't need anything prior to the "pre-op cocktail" they routinely give and I handled the oxygen mask very well. Usually, I can't stand to have the mask on my face. Coming out of the general anesthesia was the most difficult part. That feeling is always so unnatural (not quite the word I want, but close). You struggle to regain consciousness and not be too anxious at having all the paraphernalia attached to your body. I remembered from another surgery that if I breathed deeply with the oxygen mask on, they would remove it sooner because my O2 levels would come back up faster. So, I did. Even though I didn't like the mask I knew that it was necessary.

I had (and still have) the typical sore throat and raspiness following being intubated. I don't like that or the related chest congestion that goes along with it. I'm making sure that I cough and do what I'm supposed to be doing.

Ron took my picture with my cell phone.

The lovely headband is pretty tight and my head itches under it. I can take that off in about 4 hours (it's supposed to stay on 24 hours). I am taking Benadryl for the itch, Tylenol 3 for the pain, and hot green tea for my throat. My ear hurts but I think it's because they folded it up and out of the way to get to the surgery site. The Tylenol 3 is handling the pain just fine (I had to take 2 of them to stay asleep but that's not too bad). And, I am taking them as often as the prescription says to take them. Otherwise, I hurt. Like a migraine with my head in a vice.

The numbness of my scalp may be an issue. It's really numb. I don't like that. But, I think that I will get used to it. It might take a while (LOL - and a few doses of Xanax) but it will eventually become something that will feel normal. I read that it can take several months for the feeling to come back. What you have after 12 months will be ALL that you will get back. We'll have to see how that works out.

Thank you all for your prayers, healing thoughts and wishes, and anything else. I truly appreciate it.

(I received a new award from my friend Diane over at Southamsdarling. I will have to wait until a bit later in the week before I can properly take care of it. Still having a bit of blurry vision. But - thank you, Diane!)

Last-minute preparations

2011-08-01T09:55:00.000-05:00

24 hours from now I will be waiting in my OR prep room. I'm a bit nervous but not terribly. My biggest fear is that once the screw is in my head, I will have trouble getting used to the feeling and will be sorry that I did it. I'm not horribly afraid, but just a little bit of a concern there. I really want to hear, but I'm just not sure of my own reaction to the feeling of a foreign object stuck to my skull. The phobias and anxiety attacks... they sneak up on me when I least expect it and cause me distress. I take Welbutrin daily for anxiety but I'm not too sure how well it works because I still occasionally have one. When that happens, I take .25mg Xanax. I don't take that every day but some days I take it twice. When I have trouble sleeping, that is what I use to help me sleep.

I ended up staying home this morning so I could try and get Ron in to see the respiratory therapist. I'm not sure I'll feel like doing it later this week. I could feel just fine. I could feel like crap. I just don't know. He's doing pretty good and thinks that he'll be able to take care of himself AND be able to help me out as well. I really think that he'll be doing good to just take care of himself, but I will let him do what he can to help me. He wants to be there for me like I've been there for him so it's important to let him do as much as possible.

We had dinner at Amy and Rex's house last night. He fixed grilled chicken breasts and a grilled pork tenderloin. They were both very good but we did enjoy the chicken a bit better. He'd added Gorgonzola cheese to the tenderloin and it was a bit strong for my tastes. It was good; different, but good. I took some potato chips, Texas toast, and baked beans. It was a nice dinner.

Isaiah is such a happy child these days. He has his "off" days, but he's mostly very happy. He is excited to be getting a baby sister and he talks a lot about "when" his baby sister is born. He usually says "my baby sister, Anna..." He's very particular and wants us to know what her name is.

I have a few last-minute things that I need to accomplish today. I got the laundry washed, dried, and put away but I need to sweep and mop the floors. It amazes me how the kitchen floor can get so dirty so fast when it's just us (usually) coming and going! I think the wheelchair tires are actually "streaking" the floor with skid marks, kind of like when sneakers leave skid marks on floors. It cleans up easily but has to be done 2-3 times a week to keep it looking really clean. Honestly, I don't have 2-3 days a week worth of free time to keep it mopped up so I usually get it done only 1-2 times a week. I spot clean in between times. Another thing the wheelchair does is mat down the pile of the carpet. Even though we have a Berber carpet, with a design so the wheelchair tracks wouldn't show as much, I can still see the difference in the carpet. I like to make sure that it's swept quite often. Got to "git er done" today because I don't think I'll be running the sweeper in the next couple of days though. LOL!

Better get off here and get things taken care of! If you're a praying person, please keep me (and Ron) in your prayers tomorrow. My surgery is scheduled for 10:00 Central time. I'm supposed to come home tomorrow afternoon sometime.

Virtual hugs and blessings to you all!

Teresa

New Followers

2011-07-30T20:40:00.000-05:00

I wanted to give a quick shout-out to all of my followers and a special "hello" to the newest followers. I'm so glad you're here and I look forward to reading your comments.

First, Orchid, from Japan... I know that she follows several of the same blogs that I follow, so one day I checked out some of her posts. I didn’t officially start following her blog until this past weekend after she sent me a sweet note. Now, she’s my newest follower and I’m also following her. If you haven’t visited her blog before, I recommend that you do.

Next, we have Carol over at Facing 50 With Humour. She also follows some of the same blogs I follow and she was sweet enough to come leave me a comment on one of my posts. Carol's blog is fun to read and I'm sure that you'll enjoy it, too.

I apologize if I have neglected any of you. Please know that I value each and every one of you and I'm so glad to see you hear, read your comments, and have you share my ups and my downs.

Bless you all.

Teresa

The lost are now found!

2011-07-27T22:17:00.000-05:00

My glasses, my favorite glasses, have now been found! They were down in the chair, where I'm sure I looked. Probably didn't see them because... I couldn't see them! hahaha!

Getting ready to have the surgery. Tuesday will be here before I know it.

I have no real news to report, but if you've got nothing better to do, go check out Isaiah's blog for a good laugh. (http://www.isaiahseyes.com/)

Still waiting to hear from the oxygen people to get Ron a more portable system. I told them that I was having surgery next week and would like to get him in one morning this week. Well, since they didn't call today to set up an appointment, it won't be tomorrow. That only leaves Friday and Monday. After that, it'll be at least a week unless I just get to feeling great while I'm off. We'll see...

What did we do before air conditioning?

2011-07-23T21:36:00.000-05:00

When I was growing up, we did not have air conditioning in any way, shape, or form. We had "box fans" that we put in the windows during the day to suck the hot air out, then we turned them around at night to bring the cool night air in. It must have worked out because I'm still around. :) We didn't very live close to a swimming pool so we didn't really have too much that we could do to stay cool. We sprayed with hoses, had water fights, and drank lots of iced tea.

Sleeping with your windows open was also much safer during the 60s and 70s. I'm not sure I would sleep with my windows open now. At least, not in a big city. Not even in our last town. But, in this one I might. In this town, people leave their keys in their cars. They leave their houses unlocked during the day. Sometimes, they leave their houses unlocked at night. I don't think I'll ever feel safe enough to do that (LOL - but I have done it accidentally before, and I've slept with my keys hanging in the lock - plainly visible from the street if anyone looked; also slept with my garage door open more than once [think kids here]).

Back to the air conditioning... My parents ended up buying a window unit for their bedroom. My dad was working nights and trying to sleep during the day. No way to sleep in the house that hot, even with a fan. Especially since it was summer and the noise ofkids playing outside would just be brought into the bedroom. They finally got central air in about 1977.

The house that Ron grew up in had a HUGE fan built into the side of the house, kind of like an attic fan but in the side of the house instead of the ceiling. I wouldn't have believed it by just being told, but we actually lived in that house for about a year (his sister owned it at the time). I wish I had a picture of it, but I don't. It was huge and when not in use, it had doors that we closed from the inside. That kept bugs out in the summer, cold out in the winter, and people from crawling through to break into the house. When we ran that fan, we slept with blankets at night. Seriously, it was that good.

When I was married to my first husband, we lived in a mobile home. Without air conditioning. 1980 was HOT. Much like this summer, it broke a lot of records. The building I worked in was very old and the central air didn't cool the floors evenly. My floor was one of the ones that got lots of the cool air. So much, in fact, that we ran space heaters at our feet. Imagine being so cold that you need a heater at your feet and then walking out to 115 degree temperatures, even hotter in your car. Then, coming home to a house without air conditioning. I got really sick that summer. That was fun. Not really...

Everyday that I look at my thermostat and realize that I can turn the temperature up or down, I am so grateful for the electricity that powers my central air. I feel for those who live without it and who have to work out in the heat. Heat kills many people every year and many more get very sick from the heat.

So thankful for the air conditioning that cools our house.

Do you have central air? Did you when you were growing up? How did you beat the heat?

Better today

2011-07-23T16:57:00.000-05:00

Ron is doing better and, as such, I am also relaxing a bit. He is getting around the place without too much trouble. Our son-in-law had to come rescue him yesterday morning (not too long after I left for work but I guess Ron didn't want to confess his mistake to me) because Ron had gotten wrapped up in the oxygen tubing and couldn't get untangled. He'd done exactly what I warned to not do. Drove right over the tubing and then tried to turn and/or back-up. Somehow, the tubing got wrapped up in the wheelchair wheels. Thankfully, Rex only works about five minutes from here.

I took Ron to the new doctor yesterday. He's a nice guy and was highly recommended by not only the attending physician at the hospital, but also Amy's obstetrician recommended him as her pediatrician. LOL - he's an internal medicine doctor and a pediatrician. Completed a residency in each specialty. Ron was impressed. Since Ron was impressed, I'm happy. It's important for him to be comfortable with a new doctor. We've seen Dr. A for over 10 years (actually, not sure - we moved to Derby in 1996 and not sure when we started seeing her). The new doctor (LOL - also Dr. A) went to medical school with her so he knew exactly where we were coming from. That means, she should know him and I don't think she would have given Ron the referral if she thought he wasn't the doctor for Ron. She knows Ron takes a lot of care and that he needs a doctor willing to put out the effort to take care of him.

On another note, I was going to cancel my surgery for the 2nd. I know... I worked really hard to get the referral and the approval and NOW I'd consider canceling? I'm sure that makes no sense. But, I was worried that I wouldn't feel like taking care of myself, let alone trying to take care of Ron. I'm not sure how I'll feel but knowing that I "might" not feel very good and still have to take care of Ron was enough to make me reconsider the timing of the surgery. Ron said absolutely not - he would not let me cancel. I'd worked too hard to get it approved and we've waited too long for me to get hearing restored to postpone it. He said he will be feeling much better by then and can take care of himself.

Plus, last night one of our neighbors came over and asked about when my surgery was and if the other residents of our six-plex could help us out after my surgery. She said they all wanted to pitch in if needed and do some little things that I might need. She offered to bring over some light meals so I don't have to cook the first couple of days. Rex said that he and Amy will also be available to help after work, so that's also nice. Amy is going to take me to the hospital and then mid-morning, Ron's friend Chuck will bring him down. That way, Ron doesn't have to sit for hours in the waiting room. Chuck will bring take us both back home once I'm discharged.

I was going to clean my house today, but I've just slummed around the whole day. Played a little bit on the computer, fixed us some biscuits for lunch, and ran the dishwasher. That's it. I need to clean up the play room and find a good place for the oxygen but I walked and promptly turned around and walked out. Keith said he'd come over tomorrow and help me put a couple of bookcases together, but they're not bought yet and I don't feel like going to the store. Maybe next weekend. Maybe not. hehehe!

I do have to sweep, mop, and dust tomorrow. Plus, do up the rest of the laundry. Maybe then I'll decide to go clean the play room.

I think I'll decide tomorrow.

After church.

And lunch.

And, maybe a nap.

Truth or Dare

2011-07-21T22:46:00.001-05:00

Don't take this wrong, but I am not a happy camper right now. Yes, I'm thrilled to have Ron healthy enough to come home. Yes, I am thrilled that this is a fairly simple "fix" for his problems.

But, it's really only pretty simple for him. He's probably needed the oxygen at bedtime for quite some time and we didn't realize it. I know that ever since his sister died in the nursing home (from no C-PAP and/or oxygen), he's been reluctant to really let himself fall to sleep. He's fought it until fatigue just took over and he had no choice but to fall asleep.

Now all he has to do is make sure that he doesn't run over the tubing with his wheelchair. Simple, right? Nothing with Ron is simple. Nothing. I think I untangled him three times tonight. He hadn't been up since the oxygen was delivered and set up so he hadn't gotten tangled before I got home. I'm not sure how he's going to get around if he can't drive around this little apartment without wrapping the tubing around his wheels.

In order to go somewhere, I'll now have to load the ramps, take his Jazzy, and load the oxygen.

It's a tall cylinder on wheels. There isn't any way I can push him in the transfer chair and pull the oxygen tank behind me. I'm good, but I'm just not that good. I usually have my hands full of other stuff so that really isn't an option. He's too short of breath to walk right now and I'm not sure if (or when) he'll be able to even walk any distance other than in the house.

We were talking yesterday in the hospital room, while we waited on the doctor to come in, and I asked him if he had been afraid he was going to die in his sleep like his sister. He laughed and said, "What is this: truth or dare?" Then he admitted that he'd been afraid of not waking up when he went to bed.

I can't say that I blame him since he's had breathing problems longer than she had them.

Later, he asked me his version of truth or dare. He basically wanted to know what I thought about it all. That was a tough question, but I said if I was being totally honest then I'd have to say that this was not the path I would have chosen (if given the option). This is not how I would have envisioned spending my 50s if asked. I'm not sure how I would have envisioned them, but this certainly wasn't it. He immediately went to "like you should have married someone else and been better off." (Seriously - I could have decked him.) I said, "no, that is not what I said. Don't read more into it than what I said."

I said that by this time in our lives (kids grown), we had talked about him retiring at 62 and us traveling, maybe getting a small RV and spending the winters somewhere else. Big dreams on a small budget, but still something to dream about. I didn't dream about hospitals and disease processes. I said the path would have been different for BOTH of us, not me without him (silly man). But now, I see nothing but worsening conditions in our future. How much more can I realistically handle without breaking? How much more can I take on and still do the best that I can for both of us?

If things change, how in the world can I possibly pay for all that he'll need? I don't have any easy answers. I have to go to work every day and pretend that there isn't anything in my life that is affecting my day, smile and pretend that things are super-duper, bust my ass to be as perfect as humanly possible (all the while knowing that every single thing I write down is dissected and analyzed to see if I've made any errors), and pretend that's where I want to be.

I feel totally alone in all of this. No matter what I want them to do, there are still things that only I can, and will, do for Ron. Amy asked me if I was trying to give her a guilt trip. I said I was not; it was just that if I expect nothing and get nothing, then I'm not disappointed. If I expect nothing and get something, then I'm blessed. It's unfair of me to place expectations on someone without letting that person know of those expectations, and sometimes those expectations cannot be met by others. If I ask for something that is not delivered, then I'm just setting myself up for disappointment. The kids all have jobs and responsibilities and they do as much as they can, taking into consideration their other responsibilties.

My biggest thing right now is the dog. This morning, Ron realized that taking care of her is probably not something he's going to be able to do. He agreed that we'd see if our groomer wanted her. Tonight, he's changed his mind. He doesn't think he can get through the day without her. {sigh} {SIGH} As much as I don't want to take her away from him, or him away from her, I know that this will be another responsibility that will be 100% mine. I already take her out first thing in the morning, last thing at night, and any time during the day that I'm home. I did not want to have that responsibilty. But, if I insist on giving her a new home, I'm the bad guy.

I am just not sure where our days are going to go. Ron was in Stage II heart failure for three years; now he's in Stage III. There are only 4 stages. How long will this last? Will he get better? Will he go downhill faster? Will he stabilize?

God only knows. I sure wish He'd fill me in on some details.

Finding Sarah

2011-07-21T21:56:00.002-05:00

Now, I have nothing against the Duchess of York, Sarah Ferguson. In fact, I admired her gumption and spirit when she was part of the royal family. I did think she made some wickedly stupid decisions, but we all have our moments that we look back on and groan about. (Thank God mine were out of the public eye!) Being in the position that she was in, and is currently in, you’d think she would have had more common sense than that. You’d think.

I read that she didn’t even know how to use a microwave. Seriously? My youngest son figured out how to use one when he was three years old. And, he couldn’t even read. I would think that any adult who can read English (or, on the newer model microwaves, recognize pictures of foods) could safely operate a microwave oven. That’s what I get for thinking…

I have no issue with her out there finding herself. In fact, I’m probably even a little jealous. Come on – free counseling, support groups, adventures, etc. Sounds like something I could use.

But wait… I’m actually part of the “REAL” world and people like me deal with REAL issues. That’s not to say that her issues aren’t real, but I don’t think she’s in jeopardy (or has been in jeopardy) of being homeless, I don’t think she’s been without food, necessary medications or treatment, heat/air conditioning, etc. She may have had budget problems and money problems, but most of those were probably out of sheer lack of knowledge and not due to circumstances beyond her control. I don’t mean for that to sound judgmental, but just factual. I do read and although a lot of stuff published about anyone who is in the spotlight is just useless fodder, some of it has got to be true. (I missed the episode of her with Suze Orman but I caught the preview and it sort of substantiated some of this.)

With all the “reality” shows out there these days, it’s not hard to be jaded about “reality.” I don’t see the “Oprahs,” “Suzes,” or “Dr. Phils” of the world knocking on the doors of people dealing with issues out of their control. Most of the reality shows (that aren’t Survivor-type items) are about spoiled individuals trying to get their way in things (Snookie, Kardashians, etc), stay-at-home wives with nothing better to do than fight with each other, selling over-priced real estate, and more.

Where are the shows that deal with things like:

Waiting on disability payments to kick-in so you can buy groceries
Waiting on disability payments to be re-instated so you can keep a roof over your head
Keeping a job so you can pay your utilities
Cleaning up puddles of blood the size of bagels
Hauling wheelchairs in and out of vehicles not designed to haul wheelchairs (I’m talking heavy, electric wheelchairs)
Figuring out what to cut (and how to cut it) something essential from the budget to make room for something else essential
Trying to work full-time, take care of a home, and a disabled spouse/child/parent
Dealing with employers who expect nothing less than perfection and who can't/won't/don't understand that sometimes life gets in the way of the very best laid plans
The every day, day in and day out, reality that this is the best that you've got and that it's probably not going to get any better
And the multitude of other real issues that millions of people deal with day in and day out

If I sound a little jaded and over the top - well, that's probably 'cause I'm there. If I had the time, I'd like to go "find Sarah" myself. Enjoy a spot of tea, a chat, etc. Get out of my reality into someone else's.

I'm sure my reality is better than that of a lot of people and I'm trying to not complain, but this week has about gotten the best of me.

I still have one day left.

Ick.

Going home... with oxygen

2011-07-20T13:42:00.001-05:00

Ron is being discharged this afternoon and will be using oxygen at home. It will be available during the day if he feels like he needs it and then will have a machine hooked up to his Bi-PAP machine at night to take the oxygen out of the air and concentrate it through the machine. His oxygen saturation level dropped to 82% when walking a short trip without oxygen. It did come back up to 95% after he rested a bit. So, they put it back on him at 2 units (or how ever it's measured). Now, he's resting without and they'll check it again (it did drop to 88% at rest so we'll see after a bit to see if that stabilizes or goes up/down).

His echo doesn't look that bad (doctor's words, but is "not that bad" better than "bad" or bad, but not terrible?) and confirms that he has pulmonary hypertension as well. His left ventricle isn't functioning as it should but not "bad" right now. His heart looks a little stretchy, which is a result of the CHF. She put him at between stage 2 and 3; when I read the descriptions to Ron, he thinks he's closer to 3 than 2. We shall see.

With proper care and monitoring, he should be doing just fine. He'll have a little oxygen backpack to take with him when he's out and about, in the car, or walking around the house.

Long-term prognosis??? No clue. We have an appointment with an internist on Friday so maybe I'll be brave and ask him at that point.

Maybe not.

Sometimes, ignorance is bliss. I think I know too much sometimes. Nothing's going to really change in my life except more responsibility so maybe I just don't want to know everything. It's not like there's going to be some magic wand or hand reach down and rescue us from this.

I think it's all us.

Have you seen my glasses?

2011-07-19T22:34:00.001-05:00

I have four pair of reading glasses - one at work, one in my purse, one in my craft stuff, and one by my computer. Of the four, the pair I keep by my compuer is my favorite.

Somehow, somewhere on Sunday, they have disappeared. The were the perfect strength. The others are either really too strong or too weak. Those were p.e.r.f.e.c.t. They were +1.50 and my others are either +1.25 (work), +1.25 (purse), or +1.75 (craft). I have torn this stupid house apart and cannot find them.

Damnation. They weren't the cheap ones, either. And, they were pink. Double-damnation. But, they were a mature pink - not the kiddie pink. Very classy looking.

I'll have to replace them because I cannot work with the others.

On another note...

Ron is feeling better. He had an echo today and may get to come home tomorrow. Got the catheter out. We shall see. I can tell he's feelin better because he was a grumpy old man this morning. I swear, the man is as bad as a small child asking for water or ice when he knows that he's on restricted fluid intake. Silly man.

I'm tired so I'm headed to bed but wanted to touch base. I have so much to write about but when I sit down, the words just won't come or I get started doing something else.

Now, for some humor...

ATD – at the doctor
BFF – best friend fell
BYOT – bring your own teeth
BTW - bring the walker
FWIW – forgot where I was
GGPBL – gotta go, pacemaker battery low
IMHO – is my hearing aid on?
LMDO – laughing my dentures out
OMMR – on my massage recliner
ROFLACGU – rolling on the floor laughing and can’t get up
TTML – talk to me louder

Extreme Couponing...

2011-07-17T16:55:00.000-05:00

Extreme selfishness, or just good shopping? Not passing judgment, but definitely confused.

I understand the use of coupons. I love to use them. But, on things I need and buy regularly. Not 15 bottles of antacids, 72 packages of diapers (with no baby to wear them), 24 packages of floss, 1000 tubes of toothpaste, etc. If I had coupons for some of the stuff to get it free, or practically free, then I would buy it and donate it to a food bank or church, or give away to friends if I knew they could use some of the stuff.

But, to just stockpile it and have it in a room, closet, basement, garage, etc. so I could LOOK at it just blows my mind.

I have not mastered saving tons of money using coupons, although some of the gals I work with use duplicates of coupons to buy more stuff. I even know one person who set up fake email addresses just so she could get the extra dollars off on items that were discounted when a new account was created. (Now, this I think is just dishonest.)

I don't have 15-20 hours a week to devote to tracking store sales or finding the inserts that contain the coupons. A lot of the coupons that I see are for things that I cannot use (too high in sodium or potassium or something that Ron can't have). I just wouldn't buy this even if it ended up being very low cost. If I only have $100 in my budget for groceries, I'm not going to spend it on things that I can't use.

I wish I knew how to do it better to benefit "my" family. That would save us a bundle.

Great news in the mail

2011-07-16T15:51:00.000-05:00

I'm flippin tired but I had to post...

I received my letter from the 2nd level appeals committee (which is as high as I can go) and they wrote...

After reviewing the case, the Committee determined the Bone Anchored Hearing Aid (BAHA) is covered under your Hearing Aid benefit. (heart sinks but kept reading) However, the decision was to make a one-time exception and allow coverage for your BAHA under your Prosthetic benefit. Under the Prosthetic benefit your responsibility will be 20% of the Allowed Amount when utilizing a Network Provider.

I'm ecstatic! That is the best news I've gotten in days. Heck, in weeks.

Makes up for the fact that Ron is full of "sheet." Not "bull sheet" as that is my job (hehehe!). So not only is he full of p*s* and vinegar, he now gets to have lots of laxatives pushed his way. To get rid of the sheet. They're already getting rid of the excess fluid. Dr. D isn't too sure how long he'll be there but I expect through the weekend.

(So glad he's in the hospital! I wasn't cut out to be a "toilet attendant" and I greatly admire those who can do so.)

Funny thing at the hospital today... Dr. D (he kind of looks like a cross between a stoner and a rocker, but way cooler) is in the room talking to us when the CNA comes in to check Ron's sugar. The doctor had to actually look away. Said the sight of blood and finger sticks gave him the heebee-jeebies. True story. Too funny!

Speaking of Dr. D, he's a really nice guy but doesn't have private practice. He's strictly on-staff at the hospital. Great bedside manner and great compassion. As he was listening to Ron, he was rubbing his leg and looking Ron straight in the eye. Great traits for a doctor.

New house, new community, new church, new hospital...

2011-07-16T09:05:00.000-05:00

Yep - he just had to go check out the new facilities.

By ambulance, of course.

When I wasn't home from work, of course.

When I didn't even have my own car at work, of course.

Fortunately for me, Rex had just returned home from his business trip and was able to come to work and pick Amy and Isaiah up (Amy and I carpool - and Isaiah's summer care is right next door to where we work). I hadn't taken my car yesterday because I was going to dinner with Amy and her BFF from grade school so we were actually just sort of dawdling to kill a little bit of time before we met up at Olive Garden.

I tell you, the ambulance service in this community is stellar! Ron called me at 4:46 pm and I told him to dial 911 from the house phone. At 5:06 pm he called me back to ask what hospital because they were already ready to roll. That is service!

The hospital is small - one floor - but the ER staff some of the friendliest hospital medical professionals I've ever met (and, trust me, I've met a bunch over the past five years). The ER doctor was very nice, listened, and examined thoroughly. Although he was busy (that place was hopping) he never gave the impression that he was frazzled or too busy to listen to what we said.

After being poked and prodded, x-rayed, and blood drawn more than once, they decided to keep him. His oxygen level was 63% in the ambulance and at the hospital never did get over 95%. They tried 2-3 times to take him off oxygen and (on the monitor) it went down to 85% so they put it back on. After he came back from the second set of x-rays, the gal forgot to hook him back up to the wall oxygen and the tank under the bed ran out. I didn't know that until he started breathing hard again and since they hadn't hooked him back up to the monitors, the nursing staff didn't either. They thought he was headed to his room so hadn't hooked him up. I went out and asked if he was supposed to be on oxygen because he wasn't getting any (I pulled the cannula from his nose and felt for air coming out; there was none). The nurse came back in and hooked him back up to things and his oxygen level was 71%. Nice... They were super busy (lots of emergencies) but someone should have realized they didn't see any stats coming across the screen for him.

He finally got to a room after 11:00pm. I wanted to leave but I knew the floor nurse would have questions that he would have problems answering so I stayed. I think I got home and in bed about 1:00 am. Then, I was awake by 7:40 am. I am bushed but will be heading back out in about 30 min or so. I'm glad it's not too far away so I can come back during the day to let Maisey out. She misses Ron and gets very agitated when he's not here..

Oh... not sure what's wrong but they think it's CHF acting up. They gave him and injection of Lasix and the fluid started draining off.

I knew he was full of p**s and vinegar.

Silly man... Good thing I like him

2011-07-12T21:45:00.000-05:00

(I love him, too - but sometimes you've got to LIKE someone as well.)

Last night, I was busy making a sympathy card for Amy that she needed today.

Ron picked up his electric shaver and tried to hand it to me as I'm putting the card together. I said, "Ron, seriously? Can you not see that I have glue on my fingers? You think I can trim your beard right now?"

He said, "No, sorry - just like me to want something right now. I'll take care of it." (He's right - he does ask me at sometimes the most inopportune moments to do something for him.)

I went about my business finishing the card. In the midst of trying to get my glue to come out of the tip (it was clogged), it ended up splatting all over - including my shirt. Since I had on one of my favorite shirts, I went into the bathroom to rinse it off. As I was washing the glue off, in rolls Ron (in his wheelchair), shaver in hand. Again, he tries to hand it to me.

"How did I do? Does this look OK?"

I wish I had taken a picture of his face directly full on... Imagine a tiny half moustache on one side of the mouth, angled down across the mouth to a full moustache on the other side. Most of his beard was gone. I was still busy so I said (not very nicely) that he should have just waited for me. Now, he was going to have to shave it all off. He said he'd just go finish it then and take the rest off. I went back and finished my card.

Today, I thought about last night and had a good laugh. Then, I took this picture...

The dark area along his neck is what he missed - about 1/2 of his beard. It looks like that all the way from one side to the other. Granted, he does have movement restrictions because of the cervical fusion but he tried to "clean it up" without using a mirror.

He really should have waited.

Amy's baby shower

2011-07-10T12:31:00.000-05:00

Ron is off today on a road trip with his friend, Chuck. That leaves me home to have just a day to do whatever I darn well please. Hmmm... what to do, what to do...

Although I have plenty of housework to do (laundry, vacuuming, dishes, etc.), I think I'm going to just play around in my craft room and decide what kind of invitations I'm going to make for Amy's baby shower. Her shower will be on September 24, so I have about six weeks to get them all finished so I can get them in the mail. Once I decide what design to make, and make the first one, it will really just be an assembly line to get the rest of them made. I think I want either a stair-step invitation or an easel-style card, with lots of pretty baby bling. I think I will keep them a secret from Amy until I have at least the first one (that I'm happy with) finished.

I'll be making the envelopes, too so I think I will need most of the six weeks to get them done.

After all, I have to please the most difficult customer.

ME!

I'm never satisfied with my work and I want everything about the shower to be just perfect. Amy has waited so long to find the man of her dreams and to have a baby (Isaiah is eight now), that I want her to really have this special time.

It will be very, very pink. I want a 3-D cake (saw some really cute ones at the grocery store but a co-worker's sister-in-law also does cakes, so will ask her about them) that is all typically baby girl style.

Full count

2011-07-07T22:46:00.001-05:00

Have you ever felt like you were up to bat, the bases were loaded, there were two outs, and you had a full count... three balls and two strikes? No matter what you do, it has the potential to be bad? That's how I've been this week. I'm living with a cloud of uncertainty hanging over my head and no clue what is going to happen or when. I have no idea when the pitcher is going to throw that curve ball at me. Will I hit the ball, get a walk, or strike out??? It's a crapfest. My review was due by 6/30. It's now 7/7 and I still haven't had it. I walked by today and saw that she was typing on it.

I know that taking this long to do something that was due a week ago just cannot be good for the home team. But, at this point in my life, I truly don't care. I just want the ball to be thrown and the inning to be over. I either win, or I lose. Either way, I think I win. I'll be without the stress and the everyday of wondering just when something will happen. I am not perfect and I am going to make mistakes. I'm tired of looking over my shoulder, afraid to say or do anything because it might be the "one" to tip the scales. Just be done with it. Put me out of my misery.

*************************************************

On another note, got my second denial from insurance. Bat rastards. I'm totally irritated with them. So I sent them yet another letter and will have some kind of answer within 15 days of the receipt of my appeal. That was last Friday (but, because of the holiday it may not have gotten to them until this Tuesday). If they tell me no again, I'm not sure what I'll do. I do want to say - and be very clear - that any frustration I write about, speak about, or whine about is only VERBAL. It is in no way a hint, plea, or request for any kind of financial assistance. No one has said, but I don't want there to be any gray areas. As much as we've had on our plates financially in the past 3+ years, I've never asked anyone for any money or help in any way except some manual labor. I've been blessed with gifts from friends (microwave for Ron comes to mind) in some cases, but never really asked or expected anything of value from anyone.

Now that I've cleared up that potential issue, here's my latest letter to the 2nd level appeals board;

To whom it may concern:

First of all, I must say how extremely disappointed I am that the 1st level appeal team did not approve my request for the bone anchored hearing system to be considered a prosthetic device. I laid out very good, clear reasons why is it more than a hearing “aid” (which relies on air conduction to amplify sound) and is a true prosthetic because it converts sound waves through bone conduction. Although the system is commonly referred to as the BAHA (Bone Anchored Hearing Aid), it’s description has changed and evolved over the years to more adequately describe it’s function. Just because an acronym includes “aid” it does not mean that “aid” is the correct terminology. While I appreciate the inclusion in the rejection letter of the schedule of coverage benefits, it was not necessary. I know that hearing aids are only covered at $600 per ear every three years.

I’ve tried hearing aids and because I have NO hearing in that ear, there are no sounds to amplify.I have extensively researched Cochlear Implants (which is COVERED as a prosthetic device) and it more accurately fits a description of an “aid” because it consists of tiny microphones which AMPLIFY sound via the auditory nerve. The Cochlear Implant is also quite a bit more expensive. I’m thrilled that the outpatient surgery is covered at 100%, which is the most expensive portion of this system. The device is approximately $8500 and I cannot get the implanted part without the external part. Via Christi does the billing for this surgery/device as a package – not as individual items. I cannot do part without committing to the other. $600 coverage for an $8500 item is crushing to my spirit and to my ability to live a somewhat normal life – the same life that those who receive Cochlear Implants are allowed to live.

I have done further research to demonstrate how this system has evolved over the years. Please see http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/21389702, which discusses how Oticon Medical introduced a new bone-anchored hearing system in 2009. The article states, “Oticon Medical introduced in 2009 a new bone-anchored hearing system, the Ponto system.” What is a BAHA? http://www.umm.edu/otolaryngology/baha.htm states “The Baha consists of three parts: a titanium implant, an external abutment, and a sound processor. The system works by ENHANCING NATURAL BONE TRANSMISSION as a pathway for sound to travel to the inner ear, bypassing the external auditory canal and middle ear. The titanium implant is placed during a short surgical procedure and over time naturally integrates with the skull bone. For hearing, the sound processor TRANSMITS SOUND VIBRATIONS through the external abutment to the titanium implant. The vibrating implant sets up vibrations within the skull and inner ear that finally stimulate the nerve fibers of the inner ear, allowing hearing.” A Cochlear Implant is a small device that consists of a microphone (which picks up SOUND from the environment), a speech processor (which arranges SOUNDS picked up by the microphone), a transmitter and receiver/stimulator (which processes the signals). If a bone anchored hearing system is to be considered an “aid,” then it is only reasonable that a Cochlear implant also be considered an aid. A Cochlear implant more closely deals with sound while the bone anchored hearing system deals with bone vibration/transmission. In truth, neither of these two devices truly amplify SOUND and neither of these devices are hearing AIDS. A hearing aid is a device that “assists perception of speech or other sounds.” A hearing aid amplifies existing hearing; the BAHA replaces hearing, just like a prosthetic limb replaces an amputated limb.

Most large insurance companies follow trends set by Medicare. According to the National Institute on Deafness and Other Communication Disorders (http://www.nidcd.nih.gov/), “Medicare does not cover hearing aids for adults… Since Medicare has declared the BAHA a prosthetic device and not a hearing aid, Medicare will cover the BAHA…”

The University of Maryland Medical Center, Center for Auditory Solutions has the following list: BAHA implant, Cochlear Implants, hearing aids, tinnitus and hyperacusis program. (http://www.umm.edu/otolaryngology/auditory_solutions.htm Notice that BAHA implant is not included in the hearing aid category, but rather is its own category, just like the Cochlear implant has its own category.)

I cannot comprehend how our insurance company can cover an implant for a man to have sex but cannot cover an implant so I can hear. It is just unfathomable. I am only asking for a one-time coverage of the cost of this processor at the “reasonable and customary” rate that Via Christi contracts with you for. This would enable me to receive the same benefits that those who get Cochlear implants receive.

Now, we wait.

***********************************************************

Tuesday, I sent out a couple of packages. One went to Jo-Anne (who won my "taste of Kansas" drawing) and the other to another friend. Once I'm sure she has her package, I will post a picture of what I sent. I didn't take any pictures of what I sent Jo-Anne so she'll just have to post them to her blog. I'm currently (also) working on a scrapbook for someone else but I need to print some more pictures before I can finish it. Soon... I hope... soon.

It's bedtime in Kansas so I better hit the sack. I am looking forward to my weekend off.

I'm going to try and catch up on my blog reading/commenting this weekend. Saturday, we're going to go visit my mother, but I'll be free on Sunday. Ron's taking a road trip with some friends (great for him to get out with someone other than me!) so I'll be able to catch up.

Until then, God bless you all!

t.

Larry Crowne

2011-07-04T11:58:00.000-05:00

Seriously - how could you go wrong with a movie that has not only Tom Hanks in a starring role, but also Julia Roberts? They have a great on-screen chemistry.

The reviews for Larry Crowne have been mixed, but I think the negative ones are just blowing smoke. I thought the movie was great. Very clean, very wholesome. No cussing. No offensive gestures or language. Not too mushy or corny. Yes, it was a bit predictable. Guy meets girl; there are challenges to overcome. Guy gets girl. But, it's done in a totally cute way.

Without giving away too many of the details... The younger generation at the college takes Larry (Tom) under their wings and kind of shows him the ropes. They ride scooters around town. Vespa scooters. Very cute Vespa scooters. (Made me wish I had a Vespa scooter. And balance. ) Larry's house and his wardrobe get an overhaul. Rita Wilson has a small part (I didn't recognize her at all), which she plays very well. Tom Hanks wrote the screenplay with Nia Vardolos. He also directed the film. Cedric the Entertainer has a cute role.

All in all, a great matinee pick.

I shouldn't care...

2011-07-03T21:10:00.000-05:00

But, I do. Can't help it. It's a trait that I just can't get rid of. Sometimes, it's a trait that I'm glad that I have and other times it's like a millstone around my neck.

What is it? Caring what people think of me and the things that I do.

This is kind of convoluted, but maybe you can follow it...

I had three sisters. One passed away in 2001. She was my older sister and I miss her every day. The other two are younger than me. One is about 6 years younger and the other is about 8 years younger. The older of these two doesn't speak to either of her remaining sisters.

Our crimes? Multiple affronts, I'm sure. The current one is that we told our oldest brother that her son was doing drugs in our mother's basement. He had done this before and big brother told Sister M that if J got caught doing it again, he was kicking him out because he wasn't going to let J take advantage of our mother like that. I didn't go searching for drugs or evidence of doing drugs. We were sent downstairs for a reason; found evidence of drug use. So, I made a decision that I shouldn't have... I called big brother. He made Sister M remove J from the house.

Sister M lashed out at my other sister and I like we were the worst humans on the face of the earth. She swore that she'd never speak to us again and that she never wanted to see either of us again; when she dies, we're to not be allowed at her funeral. (Her other son posted a terribly nasty message on Facebook to me, and sent it to me in private email. My mom saw it before I had time to take it down; I didn't want her to see it because I didn't want to upset her. M accused me of telling Mom about it. I assume Mom asked M or son #2 about why he posted it and they wanted to know who told her. She said she'd seen it herself but they didn't believe it. So, M sent me a couple of nasty text messages about telling Mom about the post. I saved the message - in screen shot version and the actual post to my email - just in case I needed to prove that he'd posted it to my wall. You never know with M what you need to save; she saves everything and then pulls it out years later to use it against you.) And, how does she treat our brothers (we have three; two of them were/are concerned about J's living arrangements and his actions)? With open arms, of course! She's quite thick with all three of them. That in itself is quite odd because she's said for years that she hates all of us and once both of our parents are gone, she's cutting ALL ties with all of us. Guess she's changed her mind about the brothers.

I paid for Internet service and computer stuff for one of my cousins for over a year. Bought her computer; drove to KC twice to set it up and work on it. Keith bought her a new modem. Then I paid $9.95 per month for months and months. I think (estimating) that I have about $500 invested in either the computer, travel, or Internet. This cousin never took the time to email me or contact me or anything - unless she had a computer question. M (who bought her a printer) got in her ear and told her what a bi*ch I am for what I did. {sigh} So, cousin D didn't even return my calls or emails or anything. It got to the point where I could no longer afford to pay for her Internet and I tried to contact her several times and several ways to talk to her about it.

She never responded. I contacted one of our other cousins (who is M's age and her buddy - and who M confided in when I committed my crime) to see if anyone wanted to take over the payments for cousin D. She said she couldn't afford to. I totally understood but thought I'd try. I actually sent an email to many of my family members asking if anyone was interested or could help. She was the only one who sent any kind of reply back. So, I sent cousin D another note and told her that I'd tried to find someone else to help out and no one replied except for the one cousin. No response.

So, I pulled the plug and discontinued her service. I feel bad about having had to do that. I feel bad that she thinks so badly of me and the things that sister M told her are totally one sided. Cousin K (who is the one who contacted me back) talked to me some about how mistreated J is and how misunderstood. She said how hard it is on M to have to live with all the stuff going on with J. She said I had no idea how much stress that M was under and that I should have cut her some slack. I explained to her that I did know a little bit about stress concerning a child because of Shaun's earlier life. She was surprised about it because it's not something that I discussed with others when he was younger.

Back to the issue at hand... Cousin K and Cousin D are with M at my mother's house today. K came from Kentucky for the weekend and they picked D up at her home. They're all having a wonderful weekend with each other, which is fine. The problem is that M took them to Mom's house and youngest sister lives right across the street. She can't even really go over there to say hello to the cousins because of who they're with. Mom tries to keep the peace, but usually keeping M happy by telling the outcasts that M will be there. That shouldn't make any difference.

But, it does. M will host family functions and not invite the two of us. The sad part about it is that other family members will go to these functions and not say that she's being unreasonable. Not tell her that she's is acting like a spoiled child. Not volunteer to host the function so everyone could be invited. (If "we" come, then M won't - but that is her problem; I don't let her possible presence stop me from attending something that I've been invited to. LOL - but I think my invites are even less than they've been in the past. (Living out of town will do that to your family social life.)

The biggest insult is that M has left my entire family - husband, kids, my kids' spouses, etc. - on her "friend" list and has invited Ron to things and deliberately not invited me. It's amusing at times and irritating at other times. Cousin K has left Ron's niece on her friend list (the one that was so nasty to us last summer and accused me of stealing something that Ron actually inherited).

OK - so it was a lot convoluted. I'm not even sure what I was trying to say. Maybe that M's actions just really piss me off? Her immaturity is ridiculous (she will be 49 in September). She has treated every one of her siblings with contempt at some point in our lives. She only started talking to our oldest sister (again) very shortly before her death. They'd had a serious falling-out several years earlier. Serious. Her actions in my parents' home during a certain period in her life were - by generous standards - insulting and degrading. My mom knows none of what she did in her home during that time, but M bragged about it to me (that was when I was part of the "in" crowd). (I would never want my mother to know what M did during that time because she just doesn't need to know these things; they would be too upsetting to her.)

By not saying she should act like a family member should, they are condoning her actions. I think that is what bothers me most of all. It's like M is being rewarded by everyone else for treating youngest sis and I like dirt under her feet.

God BlessAmerica Photo Challenge

2011-07-02T18:02:00.000-05:00

Brenda's Photo Challenge Blog is having a God Bless America challenge. I don't have a lot of pictures that would fit this category, but I do have one of my very favorite photos of my daughter when her ship was returning from deployment. You've all seen it before, but now I am sharing it with the photo challenge.

It was September 14, 2001. It was a very emotional moment for all on board.

EcoStore USA Product Review

2011-07-01T21:53:00.000-05:00

I've used both of my EcoStore USA products for a full week now. At first glance, I wasn't sure if I was going to like them better than my current products or not. But, I wanted to make sure that I gave them each a fair trial.

They passed. They not only passed, they passed with flying colors!

Coconut and Vanilla Body Wash:

I have very dry skin and we have very hard water. Once I shower, I then have to put lotion on my arms and legs or they get very flaky as the day progresses. I have tried many different products, some with better results than others. Currently, I have been using Melaleuca Renew Intensive Dry Skin Therapy body wash. It is nice, produces great lather, and does not leave my skin looking dry 30 minutes later. The Renew is more expensive than the EcoStore body wash, but is also a thicker gel than the EcoStore. Because of the hard water, I use a bath "pouf" made of netting to get a good lather. The first time I used the Coconut and Vanilla, I was surprised at the consistency. But, it produced a very nice, creamy lather. I was thrilled when my skin did not dry up like a prune during the day. I would give this body wash an A+ for value but only a B for consistency. I like something a little thicker.

Automatic Dishwasher Detergent

I've used Melaleuca's dishwasher detergent for several years. I started using it because the dishwasher I owned required a liquid and because it's made with eco-friendly ingredients. Now that we've moved, I have an older dishwasher that will take powder or liquid. The biggest drawback over this dishwasher is that it does not have a dispenser for Jet-Dry or anything for hard water deposits. So, I add a product to the wash dispenser to help with that. I've had to add it while using the Melaleuca but I wanted to see how the EcoStore detergent fared without it. Not bad, but not great. There were a few items that were not as clean-looking as I wanted them to be. They didn't have food residue, but they did not look spotless. The next night, I added the additive to the other dispenser and the only thing that didn't come clean was something I put in on purpose to see how it would do. (It didn't come clean with Melaleuca, either.) I've washed pans, cereal bowls, plates, glasses, and coffee cups. Coffee residue has been the most resistant to coming off, but that is pretty standard for most dish washing detergent that I've used. Coffee stains are just tough.

All in all, I really believe these products are very quality for the money and do a great job. I can see me trying other products from this store.

I would feel comfortable recommending these items to anyone.

Checked out...

2011-06-27T21:49:00.000-05:00

I think Amy has decided that I've "checked out" on things. She's about correct. The work situation is not improving and it's all I can do to sit there and pretend that everything is OK when I know that it is not. I am trying very hard to maintain a positive attitude but even that is getting more and more difficult. I've taken to listening almost exclusively to my music all day. The headset is my closest companion these days and Christian music helps me keep a better prospective on things. {grin}

Amy wants me to go walk with her three days a week - under the guise that she needs to do the "healthy baby routine" and wants me to walk to keep her company. This past weekend, we were supposed to go visit my sister for her grandson's first birthday. The finances said "no," so we didn't make it. Amy volunteered to go to church with us on Sunday and then invited us over for dinner. (We ended up staying all day.) She said she thinks we should come to dinner every other week, just to get us out of the house. I said they could come to our house some, too. LOL - she said they have better food than we do. (This all tells me that Rex and Amy have been discussing my apathy and lack of interest in anything. That's OK; it means they care about me.)

I was talking this over with Ron. He thinks I've about shut down, too. I guess they are concerned. They shouldn't be. I'm not dangerous. Just 'done' with things. I am finding it hard to be interested in much of anything, and I have to force myself to do the very little that I am doing. I haven't been in to play in my craft room except one or two times since I put it together. I walk in, look around, and then walk back out. I have a couple of things to mail out that I made, and I want to make a baby card for Amy's sister-in-law, so I will be in there this week. Beyond that, I don't have a clue about things.

This should be "annual review" week but our supervisor hasn't even scheduled them. We are having an "organizational" meeting tomorrow so I'm wondering if there are going to be things said that will mean some of us (ahem, maybe me) won't be scheduled for a review period. Even if I am scheduled for one, I know that I will be skewered. Absolutely. No doubt.

I heard back from the insurance company. They are reviewing my case and will let me know within 15 days of the receipt of my letter (which was 8 days ago, so I may have only 7 days left), but the letter didn't say if it was 15 business days or just 15 days. I am hoping that I don't have to fight them any more on this.

We shall see. Not sure what is in store for me but I'm trying to keep a stiff upper lip about it all.

EcoStore USA

2011-06-25T14:50:00.000-05:00

I was recently contacted by Maggie from EcoStore USA to see if I would test out a couple of products and then post the results on my blog. She let me know that this company was an extension of a 20 year old New Zealand company and that they made plant-based, non-toxic household and personal cleaning, baby and pet products without nasty chemicals.

I checked out her blog, Super Savvy Mommy, and the Web site before I made any decisions, and then contacted her to let her know that I was game.

We have incredibly hard water here so I was particularly keen to try the dishwasher detergent and a bath/body wash. I figured if those two items were winners, then the other products should be winners as well.

I received the two items yesterday via FedEx and will use them for a few days before I post anything.

Unique Child Study

2011-06-23T20:35:00.000-05:00

Many of you know that I write a blog for my grandson, Isaiah, detailing his struggles and triumphs. It began as a way to document his achievements and how he has overcome the developmental delays in his life. (http://www.isaiahseyes.com/) Isaiah was diagnosed with one of the autism-spectrum disorders when he was just three. He turned eight in April and has come a long way.

Yesterday, I received an email from an organization conducting an online survey for the study of unique children. This is the email that I received:

Dear Teresa,

We are researchers at Columbia University's Paul F. Lazarsfeld Center for the Social Sciences studying how children who are unique in some way are identified and developed. We are currently collecting stories from parents with children who have been identified as gifted, children who have unique artistic, scientific, or physical abilities, children on the autism spectrum, and children who have been identified as having attention disorders. We think participation in this study would be of great interest to your readers, and we would like to invite you to write about our survey on your blog.

While all children are unique, the goal of our study is to identify how children with unique developmental abilities or trajectories develop over early childhood. Parents have different experiences and observations of their child's development and they have different personal resources with which they access services or programs. Parents also differ in the type and extent of their support networks and social relations. And finally, parents make different decisions when finding the right academic, extra-curricular, or other placements for their children. We would like to give parents the chance to tell their stories. Survey responses will help us understand the experiences of unique children as well as their development over time.

We are collecting stories of parents of unique children through an online, semi-structured survey: http://uniquechildstudy.org. You could help our research tremendously by encouraging parents to participate in our study.

We thank you in advance for taking the time to read through this invitation and for considering writing about our survey on your blog. Please feel free to contact us via e-mail at uniquechildstudy@columbia.edu or by telephone at 212-854-3440 with any questions that you may have. You can also find us on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/pages/Unique-Child-Study/171533039569039.

Sincerely,

Peter Bearman, Principal Investigator
Cole Professor of the Social Sciences

I have checked out the Web sites mentioned and the Facebook page. I also took the survey (up to the point of submitting it) with Isaiah as the subject. If you know of anyone who would be interested in participating in this survey, please pass this information on. I highly recommend that you check it out and, if so inclined, participate in this study.

two pieces of news...

2011-06-22T13:19:00.000-05:00

Had my MRI this morning. I tried to get them to take a picture of me all wired up - oxygen cannula, pulse oximeter, blood pressure cuff, EKG pad, IV... but no one had their cell phone with them to take a picture. That was too bad.

I will say if this typing sucks it's because I finally got enough good stuff to knock my butt out...xanax, fentanyl, and versed. She still had propanol up her sleeve if that hadn't done it. She did have to give me an initial injection and then a booster about half-way through it. It was nice... told her that I'd lift my right leg if things were getting tense. I made it until the last 3 minutes and then knew that I was so close that I'd just close my eyes again and do my best to not move. It was tough.

This was a closed MRI, too so it was quite confining. They gave me a CD with my images on it. Too bad I can't tell anything except that there really is a brain in there. Nice to know... Sometimes I had my doubts.

They will send the copy by courier to my doctor so hopefully they'll let me know soon if they see anything or if they see nothing.

Next news.... there will be PINK in my future!!! Amy's sonogram showed the baby was wearing pink booties. Yup... it's a girl. They called us, Rex's parents, and my mom. No one else will get told until tonight after Rex gets home from work so mum's the word. Rex is worried about the budget now since there won't be too many hand-me-downs from his sister (on boy #2) or his brother (2 boys there). But she's not going to go overboard on the stuff that can be gender-neutral, like car seat, stroller, etc.

We're so excited.

The fun just never ends around here...

2011-06-18T19:35:00.000-05:00

I went to bed Thursday night as per my normal routine, which is watch the news and head to bed about 10:20, right after the weather. I didn't even get out of bed all night (as in, my bladder behaved and I got to sleep all night).

I got up Friday morning and could barely walk. My right big toe had swollen up over night and it hurt to put weight on it or try to walk in a normal fashion. It was so odd. I thought at first that I'd gotten bitten by a spider (since I've seen so many of them around here). I checked all over my foot and didn't find any puncture wounds. I decided that maybe I'd just bumped it somehow and that was why it was swollen and hurting. I figured it would get better during the day after I'd worked the kinks out of it.

I went to my ear doctor appointment and then took Ron to our family doctor's office to have his blood drawn for his kidney appointment. Didn't even think that while I was THERE I should maybe go ahead and see if the doctor could take a look at my foot. I was just thinking about getting him done, getting breakfast (neither of us had eaten yet), and getting to work. With my work situation, I'm trying to be absent as little as possible so they don't have more ammunition when it comes to review time.

Got Ron all taken care of and met my step-daughter at my work so she could take Ron home for me (that saved me nearly two hours of driving time and it was all her idea! woo-hoo!). I got into work and decided that my foot was really hurting. I tried to walk as little as possible and keep my foot up on the CPU. By the time I got home my foot was throbbing something seriously. I got in the door and started icing it and looking up on the Internet what could possibly be causing this pain. I followed a "does your foot hurt here" flow chart and ended up with three choices - turf toe, cellulitis, or gout. I didn't think I'd done anything to warrant Turf Toe but I didn't have the other symptoms for cellulitis or gout.

By this morning, I was in serious misery. So, back to the doctor's office we go... My doctor was not on call and the one that was - although nice - didn't really do too much to check my foot out. No x-rays, no immobilization device, etc. But, he did have the lab draw blood to see if I had gout. I got the blood work results sent to me in email this afternoon and everything (so far - they may be running some more tests) was within normal limits. So, no elevated white blood cells, red blood cells, etc.

Turf toe... that was his thought. With the moving, picking up boxes, bending up and down, etc. over the last few weeks he thinks that I could have irritated and/or sprained the ligaments of the joint of my big toe. It usually happens to athletes on artificial grass, hence the "turf" moniker. Doctor said that it could take 2-3 weeks for the pain to go away and to keep it iced and elevated. Yeah, that'll happen... NOT. I'll ice it as much as I can and elevate it as much as I can but following those exact instructions just aren't going to happen.

Another thing the Internet (WebMD) said was that the toe should be immobilized. Not sure I can do that although I think that it would be better for my foot if I could. If I'm not better in a couple of days then I'll be calling the doctor back to see what she thinks.

Until then... Can I say "Ow!"

X-rated post!!! Beware - I'm fuming!

2011-06-17T21:09:00.003-05:00

We got a copy of our insurance benefits coverage today. That was great because I was going to request one anyway. I wanted to see how our insurance policy handled Cochlear Implants. Interestingly, I found they cover it AND consider it a prosthetic device and not a hearing aid. That made me happy because I figure that I can use that information in an appeals letter (which the insurance lady suggested I write). What has gotten my goat though, is they consider a PENILE IMPLANT a covered prosthetic device!!!! While I sympathize with men who need assistance to perform in the bedroom - some for very good reasons, I'm sure - I cannot fathom how their need for SEX is more important than my need to hear! (Men, I'm sorry - I "get it" because I am married to a man, but seriously....? A penile implant is a prosthetic device but a device screwed into the side of my head is not?)

I wrote the following two letters to our insurance company:

First letter:

Medicare has revised how they classify this surgery and how this device differs from traditional hearing aids. Please see these Web sites for information:

http://www.audiologyonline.com/news/news_detail.asp?news_id=1922

http://www.asha.org/Publications/leader/2011/110315/Middle-Ear-Implants-and-Osseointegrated-Implants.htm

Traditional hearing aids conduct sound through air using the auditory nerve. I have no functioning auditory nerve on the right side. I’ve tried traditional CROS hearing aids with no success. They amplify sound and send it to the good ear. Unfortunately, they amplify all sounds, including rustling of papers, typing on keyboards, etc. Those noises are very annoying and drown out conversations. I also have Meniere’s disease and only one functioning balance nerve. I suffer from bouts of vertigo.

Without this surgery and the associated device, I will be forced to continue living life struggling to be a part of everyday activities. Currently, I lose portions of conversations in group settings, such as staff meetings, because if I cannot look directly at someone to try and “see” what they’re saying I often miss what is being said. This has caused complications on my job since if I miss something, I don’t always know that I have. Consequently, I have missed important things in meetings that have negatively impacted my perceived performance. In fact, I have been written up for this and put on probation of sorts.

The Osseointegrated Auditory Implant (commonly referred to as the BAHA system) works on bone conduction instead of air conduction. The system works on a titanium screw and mount being inserted into a bone in the skull behind the ear. After the bone has fully integrated the hardware, an external processor is clipped onto the mount and sound is transferred through the bone, creating the sensation of “hearing” in the affected ear. This is a prosthetic in the truest sense of the word. A hearing aid amplifies through the hearing nerve, increasing the ability for the nerve to process the sound. This system simulates hearing but without the processor, there is nothing to transmit the sound waves through the bone.

With this system, I could do the following, which would improve the quality of my life:

• Hear sirens before the emergency vehicles are upon me
• Be able to hear where sound is coming from
• Be able to participate in group conversations without constantly twisting my head back and forth to try and catch everything
• Be able to walk and carry on a conversation with someone without losing my balance due to moving my head to hear and then back to see where I was going
• Be able to walk and talk with someone without having to make sure that person is on my ‘good side’
• Be able to talk on the telephone and still hear someone trying to tell me something that I might need to hear regarding that telephone conversation (right now, they are both canceled out because I can’t process both conversations with one ear)
• Be able to hear people in the car, especially if I’m driving, because they’re sitting on my bad side
• Quit asking people to please repeat themselves because I can’t hear or understand what they’ve just said
• Have the television at a normal volume level instead of an increased volume level

I would greatly appreciate this device being considered as a medical device instead of a hearing aid. As you can tell, a hearing aid is much less invasive and much less complicated than an auditory implant into the skull. There is no way I can afford to have this surgery or hope to have a more somewhat normal life if this is not approved as a medical device instead of a hearing aid.
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That letter didn't help any and the lady I've been dealing with at the insurance company suggested that I write a letter to the appeals department. She said she tried everything that she could think of to get this covered or to get it listed as something other than a 'hearing aid'.

Second letter:

Attention Appeals Department:

I am writing to ask that you reconsider the coverage for the Bone Anchored Hearing Solution (even though it’s called an “aid” it is really a prosthesis). Many insurance companies fall in line with what Medicare and Medicaid cover and they completely fund this procedure. I understand from reading the benefits book that insurance covers prosthetics, including but not limited to arms, legs, eyes, breast prosthetics, PENILE IMPLANTS, and Cochlear implants. I find it extremely disturbing that a man can get an implant for something so he can have SEX but I am denied the opportunity to hear because the device I need to hear is not considered an implant. That is truly sad. I would like to compare side-by-side the Cochlear Implant and the BAHA.

BAHA SOLUTION

Uses direct bone conduction for the treatment of hearing loss
Surgically implanted in the bone under the skin behind the ear
Externally, consists of a sound processor that picks up sound vibrations
Internally, consists of a small titanium implant secured in the bone behind the ear and transfers sound vibrations through the bone to the functioning cochlea
Requirements for this device: single-sided deafness in individuals who do not have a functioning auditory nerve and who have not benefitted from other kinds of hearing aids
Costs associated with BAHA: Less than $50,000 including the external processor (Via Christi's charge currently is less than $39,000)

COCHLEAR IMPLANT

Uses electrical stimulation of the hairs of the cochlea for the treatment of hearing loss
Surgically implanted in the bone under the skin behind the ear
Externally, consists of one or more microphones, a speech processor, and a transmitter
Internally, consists of a receiver and stimulator secured in bone beneath the skin which converts the signals into electric impulses and sends them through the cables wound throughout the cochlea
Requirements for this device: functioning auditory nerve; not benefitting from other KINDS of hearing aids(that use air for sound conduction), including the latest models of high power hearing instruments and FM systems
Costs associated with Cochlear Implant: Including only the post-operative cost, including the programming of the device, usually 5-6 visits during the first three months - from $50,000 to $100,000 (Warranties for the devices are $300-$400 per year)

These two devices - although different in physical structure - perform the same function:

They provide an alternate pathway for the conduction of sound. Neither of these devices are "hearing aids" but rather they are substitutes - like an artificial limb - for the real function of "hearing." As a person without a functioning auditory nerve, I believe that I am being unfairly denied the full coverage benefit that someone who does have a functioning auditory nerve receives. It is not my fault that my auditory nerve was destroyed by Meniere's Disease. In addition, while I sympathize with men who require a penile implant so they can resume sexual activity, I cannot fathom how their problems result in "prosthetic coverage" whereas my lack of hearing and having a somewhat normal conversation with someone does not warrant "prosthetic coverage."

I would greatly appreciate this coverage being re-evaluated and the Bone Anchored Hearing Solution be placed in the same category as the Cochlear Implant. Waiting until I am 65 to be covered by Medicare seems like such an unfair option.
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I sure hope this works or I wasted money on a perm. LOL - love the curls again, though!

Adorable Blog Award

2011-06-16T20:30:00.001-05:00

Somnia over at You Are Loved bestowed the Adorable Blog Award on me the other day and tonight is the first time this week I've had to sit and thank her for it.

This is an award I've not seen before and I am tickled that she thought my blog was adorable.

The rules say I have to share 10 things about myself and then pass the award onto three other bloggers. I think this has been around a bit so I'm going to look for three new bloggers to pass this on to. I found a couple of new blogs this week that I'm really enjoying so I'll probably pick them and find one more.

The 10 things about myself are going to be harder. What haven't I told you all??? Let's see...

I'm terrified of snakes.
I'm even more terrified of spiders. This new place has spiders. Every morning I find a wolf spider in the kitchen sink. I've learned to be cautious - go into the kitchen, start the water in the other sink, grab the spray hose and then blast the monster down the garbage disposal, as it's running. I don't know where they're coming from but I wish they'd go away.
(this is new) I've been approached to do 4 video blog entries about Restless Leg Syndrome - they'll come to me and I'll make $50 per video (3-4 minutes each). Not bad...
I love grilled veggies in the summertime and wish that I could have them year round.
I eat when I'm stressed and I just can't seem to change that (or, I don't want to change it - haven't decided whether to admit to this or not)
I wanted to be an archaeologist when I was a teenager but chose something else because of fear of reptiles and snakes (see #1 and #2 above)
I love to watch reality TV shows. Cheesy - I know, but I don't watch the scummy ones or ones that are all about the 's' word (s.e.x.)
If I won the lottery, I'd probably end up broke because I'd give it all away. I have too many people that I'd like to help. I would pay off all of my own bills, too so that I didn't have to go back to work.
The older I get the more I suffer from anxiety attacks. Don't know the cause but they sure are a pain in the rear. I think something about being tortured by one of my older brothers while I was growing up might play a big part in it. He took great fun in physically restraining me and then torturing me, sometimes holding me captive under blankets to where I thought I wasn't going to be able to breathe. To this day, I have trouble covering my face with anything. Big baby, aren't I?
My favorite color is pink. Second favorite is purple. I love them together.

That's 10. I think most of them are new.

I was reading some of my archives the other day and I wrote some pretty good stuff back when no one was reading them. LOL - I might dig them back and repost some of them. They were "good junk."

Now, on to my recipients...

I recently found these two blogs and am enjoying reading them:

Orchid at Orchid's Daily Voice
Romance of Roses

I'll have to hold off on #3... I'm reading some new ones and want to be able to honestly be able to recommend them.